Monday, September 2, 2013
A wonderful and dear friend of mine wrote a piece on SRS which was extremely moving, a natural woman seen what the process was that we must face when we decide to to go through the whole process. It isn't something as easy as getting stitches.
Quoting from her " I just watched a 10 min time lapsed gender affirming surgery (or sex reassignment surgery) and OMG wow! It brought tears to my eyes - and not for the reasons you may think, I am a nurse after all! I am in awe of what the surgeons can do and how amazing the outcome is. I am thankful to be born a genetic female, I am thankful to have experienced many but not all of the joyful and painful milestones of being a woman. I love being a woman, I love women, I love being married to a woman. Some women see childbirth as a true mark of womanhood, I would say any woman that has this surgery earns her "stripes" also. The physical, social and spiritual aspects of "transition" is a journey to behold."
***I have lived my whole life of having my very own yet it can not be seen, it is behind a wall of skin and many years of emotions knowing I could have had been a total woman had nature been kind but have since grown to appreciate life more. One day the science community will make it normal and I will see what I have missed if I had missed anything at all. I long for the waking in the recovery room as so many others before me has but this isn't about having a VJJ this is about knowing mine is finally uncovered. To have known that I may have been able to give life from within always will be a sacrifice I keep but in the end it was worth it, I lived and that is worth more to me than all the battles I have fought. Small wars, things people only hear about and they were nothing but a blockage for my journey I did not prevail I pushed forward my journey will not end until my ashes are laid to rest upon the waters of the ocean. Then there I will continue in spirit to guide others.***
The video below features extremely clarifying, eye-opening, unsensationalized, medically matter-of-fact, step-by-step footage of the procedure for transforming the skin and tissues of a penis into a vagina. I think it is must-see. Of course, this is footage of graphic surgery and obviously features genitalia. So, be advised if you are too squeamish about blood and other bodily tissues. But personally, I think anyone trying to overcome default ingrained mental habits of thinking that there is an absolute difference between penises and vagina's needs to see this.
Not for the faint of heart : http://youtu.be/Y1vKT4JEcDc
Labels: birth, cancer, coming out, daughter, depression, education, female, Financial, Gender identity, Gender identity disorder, GID, girlfriend, health, hormones, mtf, Shauna, SRS, surgery, transition, woman
Monday, February 21, 2011
Is it possible, humans are waking up...Finally?
The company I work for has gender reassignment surgery, facial and breast surgery...like these here.
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — When Gina Duncan decided to undergo the medical treatment that would make her a woman, she had plenty to fear. The reactions of her children, her professional colleagues and friends. How her body would respond to hours on the operating table. If, at the end of it, she would look female enough so strangers wouldn't gawk.
What the Orlando mortgage banker didn't have to be anxious about was how she would pay for two of her surgeries. Her employer of 10 years, Wells Fargo, included breast augmentation and genital reconstruction as coverable expenses under its employee health plan. Duncan was told the San Francisco-based bank already had had 16 other employees transition to new genders and assigned a benefits specialist to walk her through the process.
"They had a template in place, and it was surprisingly supporting and mentally encouraging," said Duncan, 55, who four years later still works for Wells Fargo. "So much of what I'd heard involved people who ended up losing their job, losing their family, losing their friends, becoming destitute."
With little fanfare, more and more large corporations, including Coca-Cola, Campbell Soup and Walt Disney, have expanded their insurance coverage to meet the needs of transgender workers. The trend follows a concerted push by transgender rights advocates to get employers and insurers to see sex reassignment the way the American Medical Association does — as a medically indicated rather than an optional procedure.
"We understand people simply get appendicitis, and it is something our community deals with through insurance," said Andre Wilson, who counsels companies on transgender issues as a senior consultant with San Francisco-based Jamison Green & Associates. "That's what we need to understand about transsexualism. Not everybody will be diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder, and in fact, few people will be. But the people who are diagnosed with it really need treatment."
Among the corporations providing transgender-inclusive health benefits are some leading Wall Street and Main Street brands.
American Express, Kraft Foods, AT&T, Yahoo!, Eastman Kodak, Sears, Morgan Stanley, Price Waterhouse, General Motors and State Farm are among 85 large businesses and law firms that cover the cost of at least one surgery, according to a 2010 survey by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights group.
The number is expected to spike this year, when HRC adds availability of surgery-inclusive medical benefits for transgender employees or transgender dependents to the criteria in its annual corporate diversity report card.
To maintain the coveted 100 percent rating when the next Corporate Equality Index is published in the fall, companies will have to offer at least one insurance plan that covers at least $75,000 worth of surgery and other treatments recommended by a patient's doctor.
"A lot of people are pretty surprised that alongside the cosmetic and experimental treatments that are excluded from mainstream plans, you can see very broad exclusions related to transgender care," said Deena Fidas, associate director of HRC's Workplace Project. "In raising the bar...we are addressing the root cause of the problem."
Stephanie Battaglino, an assistant vice president at New York Life Insurance, has been working with a senior executive at her company to add transgender health benefits to the employee insurance plan. Battaglino, 52, started her transition five years ago, becoming the first New York Life employee to do so openly. To finance her surgeries, which were on a list of procedures not covered by insurance, she borrowed from her 401(k) account.
"I've often said to friends, 'My transition at work went really, really smoothly, and if I had to do it again, the only thing I would change would be if I had my surgery covered,'" she said. "To know it was covered and completely reimbursed would have cast everything in a much different light."
New York Life has been open to the changes and expects to have the expanded coverage in place soon, Battaglino said. But that doesn't mean the learning curve has been easy to negotiate.
The company initially was uncomfortable agreeing to $75,000 of allowable coverage, she said. But she said that concern was alleviated when it was explained that only two or three employees would likely need the benefits.
"The big misconception is we are going to go broke and all these transgender people are going to come out of the woodwork asking for gender reassignment surgery," she said.
Once she was diagnosed and decided to seek treatment two years ago, Sara Schnorr, a partner in the Boston law firm of Edwards Angell Palmer & Dodge, "poked around" to see if another firm already paid for sex reassignment as part of its group health insurance.
"When you go to work every day, if you are gay or lesbian, you look no different," Schnorr said. "But if you are transgender, you have to make some pretty big changes to your physical appearance. It's not really like you can be stealth about it."
Schnorr decided to stay with the firm where she had worked for 31 years and to come out to her partners. Before she went on leave for her first surgery, which would feminize her facial features, they agreed to secure a rider to the firm's insurance policy that would allow her to be reimbursed for at least genital reconstruction and breast augmentation.
"I was ecstatic," she said. "For me, this is yet another example of how human this law firm is in wanting to take care of its employees."
Some businesses see covering the cost of transgender surgery as not only an important human resources statement, but good business sense.
"Wells Fargo elected to offer this benefit to be competitive as an employer and also to support our comprehensive corporate commitment to diversity," company spokesman Mary Eshet said.
Joanne Herman, the author of "Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not," said both corporate America and insurers need to understand that genital surgery is not the be-all and end-all in making a person's appearance match the way he or she feels inside.
For men becoming women, undergoing facial reconstruction may be even more important because it will affect how they are perceived and treated in public, Herman said. The same is true for female-to-male transsexuals and breast surgery. Yet standard insurance plans typically dismiss both as cosmetic, even though people with untreated Gender Identity Disorder are at high risk of suicide and those who get treatment become better workers.
"If you are transsexual, living as anything other than that is a very bleak experience. It's amazing how much happier I am, how much more productive, social and involved I am as Joanne," she said.
Read more: http://www.timesunion.com/news/article/More-US-companies-covering-transgender-surgery-1023524.php#ixzz1Ed21YpmQ
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year and the journey continues

Its not an easy journey but it is recommended to fulfill who I am, many things have blocked my path, hurdles of everyday life but I always find ways to get around them. I am getting older now, I feel it everyday but that will not stop who I am or what I desire to be. I am a strong woman in this crazy form, both male and female.
Often I sit and wonder if the world will accept me, I mean like I am now and they do, but to change this image as they see now, what will they do? Will I be an outcast? Will I be laughed at made fun of, it doesn't really matter I have been teased before. I am stronger now, so much stronger.
So as the year starts, my mission also continues, back on hormones and saving for my SRS, SRS will not make me a woman, it is a goal that I set. The woman is me, who I am and have been all these years. Besides a bathing suit will look better on me lol.
Will start therapy again too, I love talking to someone to help me be me, without the second person I am just talking to myself and besides I do need a second recommendation :)
So onward, the path is long and it will never end, there is lots to see and experience along it but that is why its there, its my path and I will follow it.
See I am smiling again.....Ear2Ear
Friday, July 3, 2009
Growth of the human hair
Some may agree and some may not, I started electrolysis in April 2008 which was to rid me of the fine follicles that were on my chin and neck. These tiny fine hairs weren't noticeable only to myself I called them grandma hairs, and I just didn't want them there anymore. After spending $2500 on my treatments I have noticed that the growth has expelled into a huge mess, my chin grows at a rapid pace as well as my neck and upper lip.
Can it be that performing electrolysis makes the follicle grow much thicker, I believe it helps the face but also provides new growth at a thicker hair which isn't supposed to be. Spending $2500 on hair removal you would think it would be clear the skin smooth but not so, I am having growth which I am not used to and by saying that I too never used a razor on my face until now. As an Intersex person I was lucky not to have shaved all those years now being in my late 40's I have to use a razor to make my face smooth, what happen?.
Male-to-female transgender women who are preparing for SRS usually remove their facial beard hair, typically either by electrolysis or laser, or a combination of the two procedures. While this is commonly done entirely before surgery, some patients will start the procedure before surgery, and finish a few months to several years afterwards, often due to cost.In addition, it is recommended by some surgeons that part of the pubic hair be removed prior to surgery as well, usually by electrolysis. Since the neovagina is created using the skin of the penis and part of the scrotum, which usually has active follicles, the hair is removed from these areas prior to surgery, in order for the genitals to be fashioned without the concern of hair growth inside of the neovagina. In some cases, the surgeon scrapes the underside of the skin to remove the follicles at or near the beginning of the surgery, eliminating any need for pre-surgical.
Now the question is what do I do now, continue with the removal or just forget the whole thing?I really don't like shaving and I believe it was never meant to be, I may cut something and leave a nasty scar.
Labels: electrolysis, facial hair, Intersex, mtf, shaving
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sisterhood

Knowing what I know now after all these years of learning of what it is like to be a true female I can honestly say it is an incredible feeling to feel free from the worries of not fitting in.
I continue to read everyone's blogs because knowing what I know I can compare it with theirs and god knows we are all the same on this road to transition. Each one of us have our complaints, the whining of what isn't right or what needed to be completed years ago. What it would have been like to have been the female, to have that support that is needed from childhood years to now. Yes each one of us are the same, some achieving fast results and some just tugging along, but as women we all are the same.
To look at either photo of me, whether I am male or female, I am and always will be that sweet person on the inside. I am not going to sound conceited here I hope, as a man I was very handsome and truthfully I fit in with the male group. I would be brash and cruel which I made tons of friends along the way. Very successful in what I was doing and dated many women.
As a woman I have been told I am gorgeous, here again I fit in the social circle of womanhood not by looks it is my mannerism, and my attitude would best describe being a woman.
There is the wish I could have lived my life how it was supposed to be but then I realize that maybe it wasn't meant to be, god made me this way for a reason, what that reason is I can not tell you but I am happy the way I am. I still have my male traits sometimes and I guess evidently will diminish and she will stand proud amongst the rest of the women here that I call friends.
We are all the same, we come in different sizes and colors but all in all I am proud to say I am you and you are me. I will stand by your side, hold your hand and give you the strength to push forward because I want nothing more to see you smile, feel your achievements and become your friend because ladies I love each one of you more than you actually know. So continue bitching, whining and yelling at the world for the what ifs and push forward, I will always be here for you no matter what.
Labels: beautiful, coming out, dreams, friendship, happiness, Intersex, mtf, sister, transitioning, women
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Silly side of life

This is a recap that has been happening. In secondlife, I bought an island with the ocean on 2 sides, a river separating the land and mountains in the back of the island. On this island sits a castle with 12 rooms, 8 of which are bedrooms and of course a dungeon. The living space is huge, if you aren't careful you could get lost in this place.
Shauna had her baby and she is absolutely beautiful. She has a full head of hair and is a very happy baby. Shauna had a regular delivery which a drug to maintain the pain which to me didn't kick in till the baby was delivered. I now have a 6lbs 3 oz baby girl whom has brought me even more joy than I had. With that said, changing a diaper isn't the most pleasant thing in the world its better than being a dog or cat and clean the baby afterward which I could never do to begin with.
In real life, I was doing a side contract which was fairly easy for a doctor and his wife, they paid me for the work I submitted on an invoice and then I would start another project and so on. Well the doctors wife whom isn't the brightest marble in the bag thought she could help by making my job harder by upsetting the network and having me repair what she broke and telling her husband that I messed everything up. It was getting so bad that I couldn't even talk with him since he was out of the office and the marble was whom I was answering to. Well the last invoice I submitted he called me on the phone, basically began to chew my butt out for god knows what and refused to pay me the $700.00 that he owned. Said if you want your money, contact your attorney. Now usually I would bring his network down by crashing it for goods not rendered but he can thank the estrogen that courses through my body which has dampered any meanness I had left. So now I am back to worrying about all the bills and the depression sets back in.
So there it is, a recap on Secondlife and real life. Maybe this month will not only bring showers but possibly a new job as well. Until next time, may the flowers in your garden be prettier than the doctors wife.
Labels: beautiful, birth, children, discovery, employement, female, Finacial, hormones, motherhood, mtf, Shauna, transition
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Shauna, where are you?
Welcome to my blog for those who are new and for my followers, this is my first post for March by god it was a slow month in February thanks to SecondLife that game is so addicting.
My transition is the only thing on course, without employment insurance my operation will be on hold but my bi monthly injections will continue. I paid for all my medical in advance and am thankful for it too. I have 5 months left in estrogen and spiro to continue with the proestrogen was taken away it was giving me too much main in my chest development.
So whats new, nothing really am not able to find a job anywhere and that is upsetting since I am a network engineer but I am surviving only because of side work which helps pay the bills but not the mortgage. I charge the least but it still doesn't bring in enough clients because we are in a recession thanks to a mighty stupid man who really screwed this country up. This recession is so depressing I wish things would pick up, in my neighborhood six house are in foreclosure because people aren't working and they can not pay the bills without work. I have even thought of moving to another state but it is happening everywhere, no work.
***What is happening with secondlife, Shauna is nine months pregnant with two weeks left, the baby will finally arrive. I purchased a small island and had a girl friend build a castle on it. It is truly beautiful with water and mountains all around it. Secondlife is addicting in a way but it also provides me a path to get away from my depression and I also learned to type faster since I talk with my fingers and not my mouth. Now with 380 friends throughout the world, secondlife has given me my enjoyment.***
As for health, 4 weeks ago I passed a kidney stone that was huge but nothing compared to the one I am trying to pass now, it is stuck in the uretha but it isn't as painful as the others in the past. Only because it is stuck and once is dislodges all hell will break loose LOL. So that is what is happening here in my life.
My hair is so much longer now, my bangs are on my chin so I have to have it styled somehow so it looks nice and manageable because the way it is now, I am tempted to shave my head.
It is almost one year since I announced my difference in the world. So much has happened since that day, my friends are still with me but not like with my male side. I have done speakings and an interview for a newspaper. My shoe collection has come to a hold till I am working again but I have 200+ shoes, the secret to buying shoes is get the style you like at a fantastic price and purchase 3 pair red, white, and black because you will regret it when you wear an outfit and it calls for those colors. I also only have two purses, someday I will get something different but I really like the shoulder purse and I wish I had used it in my past, the storage is fantastic. My pockets could never carry all of that.
Ok that is it for the month of March and I am so sorry for not keeping up with this blog, being depressed sure doesn't help and I am hopefully waiting to go back to work. Until next time I hope you all are healthy and happy.
Love you all very much
Shauna
Labels: happy, health, money, mtf, recession, transition, unemployment
Friday, February 27, 2009
Where have you been..
As I sit here preparing to type the first real post in a month I can't believe that SecondLife had me so engrossed that I forgot to post. What is happening in my life.
First off my hair is so much longer that when I brush it it fluffs out and is so beautiful. The employment situation is null I wish I could find a job so at least pay my bills, but thankfully I have some side work that helps.
I have been working for this doctor which will provide him to the 21st century when it comes to technology. His present equipment is 6 years old and just getting by.
My health is good except I had another bleeding spell yesterday morning, which I called the hospital and they suggested that if it does it again to come right in, there wasn't any pain just blood and it isn't my cycle yet.
Today we are experiencing flash flooding and my backyard in under water, and my fathers garage is flooded again. There is 6 inches of water out there and it continues to rain, I will just sit here and wait to see where this leads.
Suzanne has had her surgery, she has come out with flying colors and that has taken some of my worrying out of me, I worry about everyone except myself. I need to catch up with all my friends and their blogs, since I took off a month to play on second life.
I will try to come up with something for all of you to read, my life right now is in a stand still but I see good things coming at the end of this depression tunnel.
Labels: depression, Illness, loneliness, mtf, transitioning
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Hormones and what happens
So I have explained some of the actions the transgenders must do to become the soul who resides in the body.
With the young lady having her breasts removed, and her forearm shaved to form a penis we have the male who will undertake Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) replaces the hormones naturally occurring in their bodies with those of the other. Both genders must be on this in order to transition. Please do not take without a doctors recommend advice because it is extremely dangerous.
Most transmen( female to male or FTM) report an increase of energy and an increased sex drive. Many also report feeling more confident. While a high level of testosterone is often associated with an increase in aggression, this is not a noticeable effect in most transmen. The changes they get are deepening of the voice, hair growth face and chest. Some transmen are unable to pass as men without hormones. The most commonly cited reason for this is that their voice may reveal them.
Now for the transwomen(male to female or MTF) HRT often includes estrogens and progestagens which has a significant psychological impact, which is hard to distinguish from hormonally induced changes. Many also report feeling more confident. breast development, enlarged nipples and aureoles, stretch marks (for some), thinner skin, significantly reduced body hair, change in body odor and sweat production, redistribution of body fat.
I want you to know most of these changes are irreversible, so before you even think you want this be sure you have accepted yourself fully as a transgender.
Now if you have read this carefully without skimming, you will see that becoming who you are supposed to be isn't a easy process and financially will break you.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Shauna and her Interview
I linked this interview back in September, and what made me want to post it again is how Interviews with the newspapers and media are different in their questioning.
“Mask,” “cocoon,” “closet” . . . all are metaphors to describe how we choose to hide ourselves before coming out and being free to be ourselves. On this National Coming Out Day, October 11, one Brookfield area resident will be able to celebrate being free for the first time after over 35 years of hiding in a physiological cocoon.
At the age of 11, with pains in his chest, Shawn went to the doctor. The diagnosis, not unusual for a pre-teen, was puberty. What was unusual was that chest pains (also known as breast tenderness) are a common symptom for puberty in girls. The doctor confirmed his diagnosis in an x-ray that revealed an ovary and a partial uterus (hidden within Shawn’s clearly male exterior) and in blood tests that showed lower than normal levels of testosterone in Shawn’s blood.
The information made a lot of sense and explained why Shawn was so different from his brothers: less competitive, less aggressive. Shawn had even earned the nickname “Sis” from his father because he was reluctant to fight. Even so, in fearing for his safety, Shawn and his mother decided that they needed to hide his feminine side from the world. Shawn would continue to hide for 35 years, until April, 2008, when Shawn came out to his family and to the world as Shauna.
I was fortunate to have the opportunity to meet Shauna at George’s for breakfast. During our meal together, she talked openly about her life, the process of coming to accept herself, coming out, and the journey ahead of her. She has led a complex life where even the question “What is your name?” does not have a simple answer.
Q: Name?
A: My legal name for now is Shawn. Shauna Elizabeth will be my name in April.
Q: Age?
A: 47.
Q: Where did you grow up?
A: Brookfield.
Q: How long have you been in Brookfield and the Chicago area?
A: 35 years I believe.
Q: What were some early indications of your being transgender?
A: As others can, I cannot say that I was born in a male body and have a female mind. I do have an 89% female and 11% male body, and the same goes for my soul. How can someone with one ovary, one testis, and a partial uterus be classified in female and male gender roles? I have no answer for that. I am an intersex person, and that is all I know.
Q: After the medical appointment that resulted in the discovery of your ovary and uterus, how did you decide to continue identifying and dressing as a male?
A: I was 11 years old, and being a boy was all that I knew. Also, my mother believed that I would be safer if I never told anyone about my intersex. She was right. I was more effeminate than I was manly, but I tried to hide that the best I possibly could so as not to be beaten or worse.
Q: When did you come out?
A: April 8, 2008.
Q: At what age?
A: 46.
Q: What support systems do you have/have you had?
A: I have a wonderful family, which includes my sister and three brothers. My friends, who are in the hundreds, have sent me e-mails and expressed their utmost happiness at being friends with someone like myself. Even though my outside appearance will change, it is the person on the inside with whom they will always be friends.
Q: Are there organizations in the area specifically for transgender individuals?
A: There are so many: Tri-Ess, CGS, Island Girls, Transend, Transitions from the Inside Out. These are for transgender people. And then I also belong to OII (http://www.intersexualite.org), Bodies Like Ours (http://www.bodieslikeours.org), and AIS (http://www.aissg.org). I belong to about nine or so different organizations ranging from intersex to transgender to LGBT groups.
Q: 35 years is a long time to be in the closet. Did you want to come out and embrace your female side previously?
A: I have wanted to change a couple times in my life, but each time I talked myself out of it. It is so confusing at times because there were times in my life when everything was working out. I’ve learned that to be intersex isn’t a sexual mishap. My gender is balanced between the female and male sides. I just think I will be much happier with my female gender.
Q: Do you have a significant other?
A: No, I have been divorced now for eight years.
Q: What are some problems and issues specific to the transgender/intersex community?
A: There is not enough help or enough ways of finding help.
Q: How can OPALGA help or what can we do to raise awareness of intersex and transgender issues?
A: I am so new to this. Can we work together on this? I think mostly it is making children and teens aware that there are people like us to help them. I was hidden for 35 years because no one was there for me. I don’t wish to see anyone live that kind of life.
One evening in April, 2008, Shawn dressed up as Shauna and went out for the first time. Her blog describes the anxiety and excitement of coming out as herself, of being Shauna for the first time in public after over 35 years of hiding as a man.
Shauna writes, “I felt more comfortable tonight than I have in 46 years. As it washes over me, I now know where I belong. Being Shauna has given me more happiness than anything I have ever felt or had before.”
We all want to be comfortable and to be accepted as ourselves. National Coming Out Day is a chance for us to celebrate who we really are. While many intersex individuals remain conflicted and in hiding, this year, October 11 will hold a special significance for one Brookfield resident. Congratulations, Ms. Shauna B, and we wish you well!
Posted by Empower on 09/01/08
Category OPALGA News • (0) Comments
Friday, February 13, 2009
What it was like to be without
I am proud to say I am a lipstick lesbian, a girly girl which I have tried so hard to become all these years. The next phase will be getting my body down to the required measurements. But I am one of the girls no matter what, I was welcomed a year ago and realizing that now I have *tears* and sorrow in my heart all this time I had always fit it, just never knew it. Having Intersex isn't a bad thing, the depression that is the problem. Now without a job and trying to make my business work so I could transition without someone making me fail, I am following through on this.
This post is dedicated to the past year of transitioning with and without a (SMILE)
Often I catch myself wondering the what if's, the would of, could of, should of, in a world that wasn't ready for a person as myself. Transitioning wasn't an option because the world I live in has sever prejudice and I didn't wish to be hurt, so I opt to wait it out. I started purchasing my shoes in 2000, my divorce was final and I could pursue my female self. Now mind you I wouldn't step out til 2008 but learning of who I am and why this happen to me was extremely important.
Clothing wouldn't be an option since I always bought bigger clothes to hide my feminine frame and my chest wasn't exactly male. I may have a leg up on my girl friends who are transgender but all in all we are women there isn't a race to get where we should be, I for one am taking my time.
I discovered something while talking with girl friends that was male side often pops up in our conversations, this is the need to be heard which I believe is the reason I have been in hiding again. The depression is so overwhelming I can not move for fear of a break down. Thankfully I sought help and am much better. The damn ghosts come back when I least expect them too.
As a woman I for one have achieved my level of satisfaction, that saying that my emotional status is up to par. Physically my body has changed over the course of 36 years but more importantly I have a nice chest development. I lost complete control of sexual responses back in 97, yes it is not used for that no longer but I don't think about and there are other ways to make yourself feel good.
As I prepare my day of errands if you are feeling bad or down about your transition, don't, it takes time and really you have a life time ahead of you so enjoy it while you can.
Monday, January 19, 2009
He was actually a girl
It is August 14th, 11 p.m. a baby is born with a unique gift and is pronounced as male, when he reaches eleven years old his life changes from a happy child to an ugly dark secret which is held for 47 years...he was actually a girl.
Transitioning is very big, an experience no one really knows unless they are going through it themselves. Like many others who have told this story, I can tell you it is a challenge with the depression and trying to live your life as you want but with people starring and whispering it sort of gives you a feeling life isn't as grand as it should be.
As a male, being Intersex no one questioned me. What difference does it make what your gender is, does it change who you really are?
I really do think it does, a male gets so much more respect than the female gender. Even though a beautiful woman with great legs, slim waist and big breasts get great attention she is still not a male so there will be a struggle based on gender.
I question that each day, only because I seen my wholesome friendships lapse since my announcement that I am not who they knew, I struggled to be a male for 47 years and not one knew because I never failed at what I did best..hide.
I don't wish to hide no longer I want to fit in, I want to be myself, let me breath, let me be who I am. Don't try to run my life, I am not crazy, I don't wear feminine attire for sexual gratification, you have no idea what this transition is like. It is an expensive emotional roller coaster of ups and downs crammed into a lifetime of anxiety.
I am altering myself to be who I am, with the help of my doctors watching my health, my therapist who listens to me crying about my dreams and electrolysis technician whom means the world to me.
I will say that electrolysis is not for sissies, I mean you have a tiny needle the size smaller than the follicle which zaps electricity into the pore and the hair dies and get yanked out, sounds like fun huh? Give it a try, have them hairs whisked out of your face, especially around the lips and by the angel kiss. Mind you this isn't a game the costs aren't as bad as the pain, it needs to be done.
I have had thirty hours performed on me, I don't think I am doing this because I enjoy pain. I want my body to match my brain, even though the hair is soft, hair does not belong. Now mind you my facial follicles are little, I was teased for many years on shaving which I didn't have to often. The joke was always apply milk on my face and have the cat lick it off.
The medical portion of transition, the estrogen has finally altered my body as well, it finally caught up with the years of being produced which has altered my features as well as my mind more to where I love being. I am happier this last year though not employed but within myself I have found inner peace. I have been on very strong doses for eight months which there is no turning back, my chest and certain areas can never return to normal. I have fought a ovarian cyst which I thank the goddess everyday for not being cancerous and for giving another day to live. I am no longer in pain and I have a clean bill of health. I am also altering my voice now in sounding female, though I know women who sound more male than I. I have spent hundreds on voice lessons, time to practice and concentrate.
Transitioning is more than taking pills, and having surgery. One needs to find that happy place and decide where they want to be, I have always had my happy place it was getting started that prevented this from happening. Surgery is a leg of the transition, some feel they aren't complete and I understand this more than anyone. It is an emotional procedure that gives birth to the woman in you but at the same token the male dies off. I know many ladies who have had it, they go through the mourning of that special someone which they have been with since birth, and he is gone.
You don't know what is like to be in my shoes, I say this because it is true, it isn't easy living two lives to justify inner peace. Shawn was very successful at whatever he did, he knew the mechanical aspects that made things run, but here I stand where he used too trying to get my life started. What now, what will I do and will people trust me like they did with Shawn? I know everything he knew though the doors aren't opening quite as quick as they did for him. I know
it is the gender thing again, transitioning a male into female will take away many opportunities though I know I will not fail, I haven't yet.
The different and strange things I must learn to become Shauna you would not want to try to do, for a woman these would be second hand, like nothing but as a boy I wasn't taught how to do these acts.
I am learning new things everyday, something that would have been taught to me as a girl only I was taught to be a boy. Have you tried on a pair of pumps with a shank heel the size of a pencil, or used a curling iron only to find it burns quickly too close to the face. Simple things, these tiny things make a difference in how you present yourself, the way you wear your hair, shade of lipstick, eye shadow, blush to give the womanly appearance. The way you wear your attire, not a simple procedure either, the outfits and accessories must match perfectly and then comes the shoes and purse.
These by all means are simple things, but try to do these simple things when you are used to jumping out of bed, getting dressed and smoothing down your hair and go about your business without a care in the world. Those days are long gone, I gave that up for being who I am with my hair styled with a blow dryer and hairspray. With a beautiful tone on my face after which I have washed and moisturized, this beauty is applied and it doesn't take seconds oh no, I have to wake an hour earlier to be at my best and after all is done I am unsatisfied.
I never said this would be easy, people would definitively cringe at the thought of what transition is about. I welcome it, it made me feel whole again, gave me something to live for, to reach out and grasp that brass ring.
My gender is so unique that I have to explain to people that I am both genders, stronger female yet both. People aren't used to that, so what they weren't used to the African Americans or Asian Americans, and they gotten through it.
I tried to justify that I am like every male to female transgender but I was wrong, it is true I have a leg up on each of them and if it weren't for Veronique I may have argued till I was blue in the face. I wish I were like my sisters and brothers, I want to learn all I can and understand why this is such a long process, an emotional and expensive journey.
I can honestly say I am a woman and I wouldn't haven't any other way!
Life is good :-)
I found a 3 part series of Intersex which I would love to share with also it gave me goosebumps because there is so much truth in this story.
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEir4IWHYrY
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVaMKMqcL6o
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9OAG1X6ix4
It took me 8 days to write this post...wow.
Labels: cosmetic, depression, electrolysis, emotions, female, ftm, God, Intersex, mtf, SRS, transitioning, woman
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Star was Born
Well I finally did it, I pushed the envolope and put myself on YouTube. I guess I have been thinking about it for sometime and really I am out so why not show the rest of the world, I have nothing to be ashamed of and that is that. So without further ado my first video for all of you to view.
It was fun to make, but by god my voice is terrible.
Love Shauna
Labels: coming out, freedom, happiness, healthly, hrt, lesbian, mtf, Shauna, transgender, transition, woman
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Bodybuilder and the transwoman
As the sweat rolled off my temples and my muscles quivered I pushed and pulled with all my might, I am in a maintenance routine. My body fat is less than 9%, I weigh in at 170 at 5'11 and I am solid muscle.
As I recoiled from the machine, I would jump on another for more reps and watch the sweat sting my eyes I needed to get stronger.....it was like a drug and I needed my fix!
That was nine years ago since I benched 290 lbs, and squat 550 lbs. How can that be you are saying, well believe it or not I used to compete in bodybuilding. My biceps were once 20 inches flexed, today a mere 12, wow, time sure took its toll. My chest was 48 inches and I had tree trunks for quads. (The photo isn't mine, but we had the same body and looked the same so I used it. He is a good friend of mine.)
Strong wasn't the word for what I looked like, more like a freak of nature but I looked like a man. My doctors couldn't believe here I stood before them with my back injury all healed proving once again they were wrong. I did walk, jumped, ran and stood before them in solid muscle.
So what happen to the bodybuilder?
I ended up tearing two deltoids right one up front, ripping it in half and the left rear partial tear, and blowing out my left knee that pulled me from the gym which I was living 12 hours a day 6 days a week.
My meals were proportioned into six meals, each consisted of protein whether it was food, a shake, maybe a protein bar. Nothing impure went into my stomach and a gallon of water each day. No soda, sugar even milk wasn't part of my diet. It would cause havoc in my body so I only put the best in me. Muscles were everywhere, and the Andros I consumed made me mean as hell. I could put a walnut between my ass cheeks and crack it in half by flexing, funny as it sounds that is how it was.
I wanted to be the man my father seen, I was determined to prove I was every inch a man just by looking at me, only thing that stopped that was the woman in me. I didn't wish to be a freak no more, and by pulling me out of the gym it saved who I really was.
Today I stand at 5'7" my body weight is 180lbs and body fat is above 20. No more weights, just exercise and I am on my way. Yes I lost everything, but gained my life back. I stand before a mirror that once showed me a chiseled chest, today I have breasts. The once thick arms are now loose with no strength and very thin. And my beautiful tree trunks, are smooth thighs that are my selling point when dressed appropriate. Yes the bodybuilder isn't here anymore, but a woman now stands in his place.
Estrogen replaced the Andros, I am sweeter and mellow, my mind is always in a happy place. I'd rather walk store to store than run the treadmill or jog 10 miles. Clothes are what I think of now, and I started a new exercise plan, I want to be a 10 but prefer an 8 by summer. So I am hanging up the sweets again, back to 6 meals a day and a whole gallon of water. I guarantee I will be in a swim suit this summer. Unlike my male side, I will have a body not full of muscles only a feminine one that is soft and pretty to the touch. With that said, I will close this post because like my old male self the trick to perfect health is not just what you put in the body it is how much sleep you get to repair it as well.
So goodnight and hope to see a brand new you too. 
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year 2009
As the midnight hour creeps up on me I realized how loved I am from not just my friends and family, there are people I never knew who comment that care. This new year will bring so much sunshine into each of our lives, not right away but soon and we will feel the warmth which we all deserve.
This afternoon I had a doctors visit, I am pain free now and I can continue my transition, the scare is over and the cyst that caused the scare has diminished to just a slight bump thank goodness for prayers and pills.
I am going to make a visit with my family just before the midnight hour, say hello, grab a bite to eat and toast them a new year and return home. My brother LB put it best, karma is where I have always been good to everyone, I lend an ear or a shoulder and one day it will be repaid hopefully in full.
Less than 20 minutes till the new year slips in and I am fighting a cold and trying desperately to stay awake.
I spent a couple hours over at my aunts watching everyone play guitar hero, and I was wrestling the dog which is a German Shepard, I made a friend tonight and he wore me out plus I will have a half doze bruises he left on my body. As the family played cards and knocked my uncle and myself out of the game we were watching Dick Clark on the TV. I gathered my father and drove home while my stepmother took her mom home, it is 15 minutes to the hour.
As I sit here I am bringing in the New Year with all of you. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,
""HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 EVERYONE!!!!!""
I am so looking forward to this new year much more than any of you could ever know ......Love ya!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Coming out and Christmas
Good Christmas morning to everyone. It is a brisk morning being 10 degrees, and with a stir in the air it will be some time before I step outside.
Paul my brother whom lives in Joplin called to wish me and the family a Merry Christmas also to get me to worry about him that the electric was shut off so he was drinking coffee out of the pot from the stove, I guess the gas is next. Thanks Paul for a good way to start Xmas. Haven't heard from the others it is still quite early.
Call number two just in my little sister called to wish me a Merry Christmas, letting me know my nieces are being spoiled and want to send some love (oh so priceless), also to say her eye brow is better and has closed nicely minimal scarring ( she was hit on her forehead by a fan blade while cleaning) and that alone was a great present to both her and I.
Phone call number three, I initiated but he said he will call back. LB is brother number 3 who lives out on the east coast with his family. His wife is the sweetest woman you could meet, with the help of her 5 sisters they accepted me as Shauna with a care package of dresses, skirts and bras which was truly wonderful. Always so wonderful talking to my siblings on Christmas morning though they aren't here and it isn't the same as Christmas past just knowing they are safe and warm gives me happiness.
Phone call number four never recieved, he is disappointed at having an older sister, Ben is the youngest brother and such a shit too. He is the yuppie in the family also we never hear from him unless he wants something, so no loss of the phone call. I heard he is alright and I can now relax.
I have so much to be thankful for with my coming home finally, the illness that racked my body for so long has finally been diagnosed and being treated and I am recognized now as a woman from the flirting men give me while I am out and lets face it for what it is worth, that to me is a compliment. Having dinner with my parents at Famous Daves which the waiter hit on me for so long, ignoring the situation and my stepmother letting him know she isn't interested that I like girls was the highlight of the evening. I was dressed so poorly and absolutely no makeup either, and am still attractive.
Coming out at the end of the year to a couple male friends, one which used to be my roommate, and he too compliment me that I make a very attractive woman compared to my old male self. Though I do believe he is another one whom would try to get in my panties, so I let him know right off that I was a lesbian.
The day progress into a family gathering at my step Aunt whom doesn't or isn't aware that I have changed but I only see her and her family twice a year and my step grandmother hasn't a clue either, but she is getting up in years and don't wish to shock her either. I curled my hair and fixed the icing effect on my parents home, don't wish to see the get hurt over ice. Then off to having dinner and drinks with the family. The evening was wonderful, as we gathered around the tree and exchange gifts. The highlight of the evening was no insults towards me, I believe my dad is finally accepting his daughter for who she is.
So the evening went well, the year has passed and it is Christmas evening, time for a long rest for this woman to blossom even more.
Thank you everyone and have a safe and wonderful season greetings....love you all!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Would you walk in my shoes?
As I prepared the day I went out with my new 3 1/2 wedge boots, they are absolutely precious, when I am in them I can not help looking down at my cute feet. I have to be careful, I need to waterproof them or they will get damaged.
This post isn't about my beautiful exquisite collection of shoes, that will come another day. This is about the person who walks in them. My turmoils of everyday life fighting with fears and the unknowns as I have for 36 years.
I just posted a entry about the woman who asked me a question regarding the girl in me and it really hurt, something that I never think about because lets face it, what can I do that I am already doing. I am trying to correct the issue and I will, but like everything you want it takes time. I can not take a magic pill to erase all the male out of me, it will take time. The only magic patch I have is estrogen and every 8 weeks a booster shot to level my hormones out and keep me in tune.
A couple months ago another woman whom I worked with said to me "why change yourself, you are a very handsome man and you don't walk like a woman", why change myself hmm? I looked at her, smiled and said I'm not changing anything I am myself and besides dressed as a man would it look proper to have a swivel in my hips when I walk? I am like you, but having a male exterior I am different to you, learn to live with it and left it as that.
That to me is a hater or someone whom doesn't understand what is in my mind, doesn't she get it that is how it is, and if I could fix it maybe not, it is who I am.
If someone were to inquire what it is like to become me for one month, slip on a pair of my shoes and become Shauna, you will find it isn't such a lovely way of life. You will get a cycle which many of my friends cringe at the thought of that. The constant changing of pads, the not so fresh feeling I get when it is that time. There the loneliness because lets face it, I wouldn't put anyone through this whether we love each other or not. Everyday is a learning experience really, my emotions are tested as well as my sanity. There are looks and stares because they do not know how to address you and when they do sir doesn't fit. Imagine all your friends finding out that you have a little secret that not only will change your life but theirs as well, you are no longer the gender they perceived you were and that changes how they will act around you. All my male friends have a bond, it is special and I no longer am a part of that excluded from such things which I really miss.
When you are around my brothers it isn't fun and games, they are uncomfortable knowing that their older brother was always their older sister. People will look at you, try to understand and shake their heads and ask you why, why are you that way?
Life is how you make it, mine is different but I relish the days that were good and learned from the days that were bad. I love living, with that said I live it to it's fullest.
I will be legally on paper in 2009 as Shauna Elizabeth, that is such a welcome sight to me after all these years to be female on my records. *sniff*
Can I have my shoes returned please ;)
Friday, December 19, 2008
Why?
"What would it have been like to be born the girl that is partially in me?"
Why did she ask me that? What answer did she expect from me, was it because she didn't understand? Why hurt me for something I had no control over?
I was asked that today and the reply was tears, no words, just tears. I can not tell you what is in my mind or my heart of what happen so long ago why I am this way, all I know is that even though I am not totally complete, I was a girl who has grown into a beautiful woman; mind, body and soul.
If you do not believe me ask anyone who knows me, you will get a wonderful answer or even a story of how they explain who I am as a person, no label.
It hurts sometimes knowing the should of, could of, would of, nothing could be more right than for me to try and explain what and how I feel.
Sometimes I am thankful that my vagina was never made, weird to say this huh? I would have not had known the hardships of others, the grief of the transwoman as well as the genuine women that have come into my life.
I wouldn't have been taught what I know now being the person that has imaged this body and soul.
I do wish sometimes I could have lived my life as the little girl I was supposed to be, I wanted more than anything to have sleep overs and talk about clothes and makeup, to experience my cycle as a girl and not as a boy.
All the experts while growing up had no knowledge of what I was experiencing but were willing to cut into me to answer the yearning questions thankfully my mother had no part in that, nor did I.
It wouldn't have made a difference would it to cut a child because she didn't have a vagina.
My mother made the right decision, the scarring and mental trauma alone would have affected me and I am not unhappy for it.
No, I prefer to have my girl parts as I have them now, when my GRS (gender reassignment surgery) is completed it won't make me a woman, it will just fulfill something that was needed long ago.
Not knowing what to say to that woman today was embarrassing, I cried, all I could do was cry no words not a mere yipe just tears.
I hate this not having the right words to tell someone what I feel inside when I am asked a simple question of why?
Friday, December 12, 2008
Something for each of you - Final

Merry Christmas to each of you. I can't give you much in a way of material objects but I could give you something that you can not purchase and that would be my love and friendship. I hope it is enough and I get that smile I am always trying to achieve from others.
Once upon a time a little boy with a girls body and mind grew up to become a really thoughtful and beautiful woman, she captured the hearts of many and had the best of friends everywhere.
I seen a homeless man last night and it was pretty cold, I reached into my purse and gave him my last two dollars hoping that it would comfort him a bit. I wanted to do more but the means or the funds aren't possible. I wish I could build a shelter for people like him and others less fortunate, but that will have to wait till I am back working. My evening started with giving, my best friend (Rob) and I started towards the party. Since I was driving, I remembered I left my GPS at home along with my sweater in case I were cold (which I was). Rob would be my navigation and I knew we were in trouble ;) My brother called we talked about the party and he asked that I watch my back, he was worried, but I told him that my body guards were there, he was more at ease. I didn't wish for him to worry about me, and said it to him, he said he will check up on me later. The love of a brother is the greatest thing.
My attire consisted on medium hoop earrings, cute necklace, purple tunic, lowrise jeans that almost looked sprayed on me :) and my new boots a 3 inch heel which I will never learn that I have to train my foot to wear this heel.
Isn't it the most darling boot you have ever seen, and so warm to with fur lined inside. I should wore a ring or two but then again it was just a home warming party. It was a good thing we met up with my other friends (Jim & Sherrie) who guided us to the party. Arriving to where (Farrah & Tom) live they have a beautiful home but the drive would test the estrogen to and from work. As we walked thru the threshold we were greeted by the hostess (Farrah) and I was given a hug, the women will be doing that all night *sniff* I was one of the girls.
Their daughter (Ira) came and gave me a hug then giving me a *what's up girlfriend*. I am accepted as Shauna where I go and it is wonderful, I did have two incidents, one a friend (Rou) came in and at first didn't recognize me then when he did made a remark is this a costume party, I almost died then when I went to explain he made another remark are you a drag queen which brought a tear to my eyes.
After explaining my coming out, my Intersex and the years of shame he accepted me with a hug and handshake, he was fine with it but liked giving me crap. He also apologized for the remarks earlier which made it all feel better.
The other incident a polish speaking guy was there and seen me which produced some real mean looks, my friends all stepped in which quieted the place up, I am talking 4 huge guys that protect me where ever I go.
Food, karaoke, drinking and talking, some really wonderful friends that I haven't seen in two years and all were happy I am now a woman. Some knew and some was told of why I changed but in the end the outcome was great.
We talked about some of the wonderful things I accomplished this year as you know I came out from behind my closet door, and did a 5k run for breast cancer. The changes in my body and my face has soften which also showed I am more happier than ever. How I was overcoming the illness with great hopes of continuing my transition. I have been involved in so much more that I couldn't before because I didn't want people questioning me and it was silly because who really cares what you do as long as you are happy.
I have adopted a couple sisters whom are the world to me, and without them my trial and errors would probably be more disastrous being who I am now. They all missed me at work and how the computer and network systems are always broken now, we talked clothes and my shoe collection which I had on the newest boot and Ira brought me her cute pump which the name escapes me.
For karaoke one of the songs Julie found for Tom to sing was for me which I tried getting it played at the wedding we all attended back in September. The song was *Dude looks like a lady* and it was for my honor, some of the people thought I would take offense which I didn't because I knew just about everyone there and it was for fun. If they offended me they would apologize and that wasn't the case even though they did say they were sorry. Go figure.
There were jello shots that could knock a sailor off his feet and did quite that ;) (Sherrie couldn't stand) and the party was slowing a bit so we decided to leave it was late and the jello and estrogen were working overtime on this girl. So were my new boots. Farrah and the other women there gave me hugs and said goodbye, Julie (yummy blond with big boobies and a body to die for) came all the way across the room to give me a hug and say I looked beautiful, good way to bring tears to my eyes and ruin my makeup in a good way ;)
Rob looked at me in the truck and said something that through me for a loop, *well I have to give you credit I didn't think you would follow through with it* ah Rob, what the hell are you babbling about. I am a woman for god sake, why wouldn't I wear the proper clothes. Rob is my best friend, and he is homophobic but he is learning slowly. My brother called to see if all was well, and Rob and I said to him I did great. I told him about the polish guy but it was under control, didn't want him to get upset and maybe I shouldn't have told him.
I look forward to the pant suits and wearing of cute boots, and the wondrous of color in clothes. I may not be that sweet little thing walking down the street but I will finally express to the world a wonderful woman named Shauna. Five foot eight and looking great :)
This video had a glitch but I didn't see it til all my makeup and jewelery was off. Still it is for you all.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Who is speaking to who?
I left my side work which I am helping a company with their network but I left later than expected, I didn't have my speech or had I applied my face like I wanted to. All was not right, I wanted to change out of my work clothes and wear something nice for them, instead I showed up like a half woman and half man so embarrassing.
The weather sure doesn't seem to agree with me lately, today it was raining and by god I get chilled easily because of the changes the hormone is putting me through.
I sat in my truck for a good ten minutes checking out the area because I don't usually travel by myself, why is because of the physiological trauma I went through years ago and can not shake it.
Andy was nothing like I expected him to be, I envisioned a small skinny guy with glasses which turned out a very tall young man who intimidated me when I passed him to go to the building.
He actually frighten me because I was alone outside in an area I am only used to in the day time.
After I arrived I inquired of the person whom asked me to be the speaker which his name was Andy, there sat mostly guys and one very cute young lady, why only one showed up to see me was more than I would have asked for. As the weather wasn't something I would have wanted to go out in either. The young lady was pretty and very quiet at first, maybe she wasn't sure of me but she would ask some really good questions later on. I was actually quite cold and the guys they did not seem to noticed the temperature difference. I asked where Andy was and everyone said he was smoking outside, I did know what he looked like but he figured out by my truck who I was :)
Yes I push my gender in the faces that drive behind me, with my rainbow sticker, I love lesbians and lest not forget my huge trans logo.
Maybe I am asking for trouble but I don't feel that way, I am expressing what I bottled up for so long. Yes I am proud of who I am, and if people don't like it, well I am not going back into my closet to hide just to please others.
So I introduced myself, he smiled and said 'I knew who you were by the truck' and shook my hand so gently I caught myself from shedding a tear, after all this young man had scared me. So inside we went and I re introduced myself and the first young man 'Pocha' tried to make me comfortable as possible with getting me a chair, I told him that he was kind but I sat by the young lady, the hospitality was fantastic.
Apparently all the boys and girls weren't going to make it, since the weather was yucky with rain making ice and all. I had seven or 8 young men and one young lady, who wanted to meet me like I were someone special.
It isn't everyday you see someone like me, someone who can walk in between genders who claims he is a woman dressed partially like a man. I feel like Shane from the L word, a rebel if you will who doesn't care what people think as long as I am happy.
So here I was without my speech and I just sat there a bit and Andy suggested that I start from the beginning, how I came to be who I am today. So you know the story to that and then I answered questions which weren't bad, I felt like I fit it and these young adults knew more than I did when it came to how society reacted to the LGBT. I felt like I should have been in the other chairs asking the questions :(
Questions that were asked were as follows:
How did I know I was Intersex?
Did I feel different than anyone else and what did I do to overcome it?
After discovering what I was as in Intersex why didn't I become a girl then?
Why did my father keep me as a boy and not let me be a girl?
When did I start my transition, the first time and why didn't I follow through?
After being told you were Intersex was it difficult to find information growing up?
What complications did you experience growing up and now?
What is dating like? Male or female?
When did I inform the person I was Intersex, right away, a couple dates or ?
Did I decide to follow through for my surgery and did I have a set date?
How did I know I was different than my brothers?
Do I have plans on getting artificial implants? Any other changes?
Why wouldn't I take the estrogen shots when they were suggested.
I was asked what were the bad effects being Intersex, that I was sterile at birth and fertile as a female.
We discussed hormones, therapy and changes my body has gone through. I explained what made me Intersex the ovary and uterus and since I couldn't provide evidence showing what was inside me I wasn't about to become a project for anyone.
With what I have lived with my whole life I have fought to be who I am, so they each asked questions regarding my growing up and the difficulties I had endured which I told the story I have told a hundred times. My being different than them wasn't something they could see, you would have to live in my shoes to know what it was like. How in the navy someone found out and took advantage of me, I explained how I was frighten when I walked in that it haunts me to this day. The complications of the ovary and how it had made me so ill these last few years, my pre menopause at the age of 45. But all in all the speaking to them was great, I have learned alot from those teens.
I plan on having another get together later in 2009, with all the plans of the Denver Rush, Be-All and Southern Comfort Conference and the 2009 Gala I will be a very busy woman next year but I will find time for them.
So that was my education with those fine young people and the young lady even gave me pointers to an Intersex group which I have looked up since then.
Oh to be young again.....
Labels: Intersex, LGBT, mtf, Shauna, transgender, transition, transsexual

