A wonderful and dear friend of mine wrote a piece on SRS which was extremely moving, a natural woman seen what the process was that we must face when we decide to to go through the whole process. It isn't something as easy as getting stitches. 


Quoting from her " I just watched a 10 min time lapsed gender affirming surgery (or sex reassignment surgery) and OMG wow! It brought tears to my eyes - and not for the reasons you may think, I am a nurse after all! I am in awe of what the surgeons can do and how amazing the outcome is. I am thankful to be born a genetic female, I am thankful to have experienced many but not all of the joyful and painful milestones of being a woman. I love being a woman, I love women, I love being married to a woman. Some women see childbirth as a true mark of womanhood, I would say any woman that has this surgery earns her "stripes" also. The physical, social and spiritual aspects of "transition" is a journey to behold."


 

***I have lived my whole life of having my very own yet it can not be seen, it is behind a wall of skin and many years of emotions knowing I could have had been a total woman had nature been kind but have since grown to appreciate life more. One day the science community will make it normal and I will see what I have missed if I had missed anything at all. I long for the waking in the recovery room as so many others before me has but this isn't about having a VJJ this is about knowing mine is finally uncovered. To have known that I may have been able to give life from within always will be a sacrifice I keep but in the end it was worth it, I lived and that is worth more to me than all the battles I have fought. Small wars, things people only hear about and they were nothing but a blockage for my journey I did not prevail I pushed forward my journey will not end until my ashes are laid to rest upon the waters of the ocean. Then there I will continue in spirit to guide others.*** 

 


The video below features extremely clarifying, eye-opening, unsensationalized, medically matter-of-fact, step-by-step footage of the procedure for transforming the skin and tissues of a penis into a vagina. I think it is must-see. Of course, this is footage of graphic surgery and obviously features genitalia. So, be advised if you are too squeamish about blood and other bodily tissues. But personally, I think anyone trying to overcome default ingrained mental habits of thinking that there is an absolute difference between penises and vagina's needs to see this.
Not for the faint of heart : http://youtu.be/Y1vKT4JEcDc

I had it all along

The hormones have given me what I always dreamed of since I was a young teen, the anatomy of a woman that never fulfilled. How could I be that boy that felt so alone inside? Where was God, when I was growing up wrong?

Why was I so different, why I could not just be like all my brothers? Why did I have to be disliked for being different? Puberty hit, and my life changed. I used to walk around as a kid with a smile on my face daily, and now you barely see that smiling boy. You saw a person who felt alone, felt unwanted and insecure about their life. My voice never changed like the other boys, my emotions towards girls never changed. I would look at my body and feel ashamed, it wasn’t me. That is not who I was. My heart would ache more, and more. Here I was a troubled boy forming a body I never wanted. Here I was going through life feeling disconnected from my body. Why was I given this nightmare?

Why God? I ask you why?

I am pain free now, as I lay here I think about how painful it was living as the wrong identity? Here I am starting to change myself into the person I dreamt of being. Here I am becoming that identity that I felt I was meant to be. Each pill helped me ease the pain of a childhood that I could never change. It helped me feel free of the burden I was about to put on my family. What was my father going to think when his oldest son, comes home as his oldest daughter? Would he abandon me, hate me as all those other people did because I was that different child? Would he see someone that meant nothing to him? Would he stop loving me? Would be embarrassed to love me? Would I break his heart because I was finally being free? Each pill that is in me, as I felt the pain erase, I felt life enter my soul, I felt like my world was starting to become complete.

Laying there on the bed, I daydream and start to remember the first time I tried to apply my mom’s makeup to my face. As I look in the mirror, I do not see the imperfections; I see something of beauty shining back at me. I see a life that is waking up to a new world. As I look at that face, I sit and wonder how will I make this life my everyday way?

How will I succeed as the person I love?

Will others love me or hate me?

As I sit and ponder, I think to myself do I want a vagina. Do I want what my sister has? Do I want what my girl friend’s have? For years, I would ponder that question.

In addition, one day I came to terms with it; I already had my vagina, God had blessed me with this thing that I looked at and enjoyed. I embraced it, because it was who I was. I felt like it was a part of my structure of being a woman.

My vagina was not like my sister’s or my girl friend’s but it was mine. I treated it as such. I felt like the true vagina was in my consciousness, it was who I was from the inside out. I did not need a huge surgery to make me have that vagina. I have had it since I was born, it has been with me, and I just had to find it! At forty-seven years on this earth, I found it, and it was there all along.

How could all these years I not know about it? It was because I was not ready for it.

I had walked in the shoes now, I felt it. I felt what God gave me, why alter it with a lot of money I did not have? Why not embrace it with love?

I lay there finding my inner vagina, my inner feminine, my inner womanhood. I know we go through life making choices and at that point, in my life I felt like it was a choice I had to do, maybe it was illegal, maybe it was pumping my body with wrongful toxins, but I was becoming this person I longed to be. I was not that boy who felt trapped and alone anymore, I was this girl that felt free to be herself.

Was not scared of what people thought of her. That pain free moment on that bed in my house was well worth it because it has brought me years of happiness.

My vagina talks to me everyday as I look in that mirror and see something unique. I see a creation of a person that God knew I could handle. I see a life that was finally whole. A beautiful amazing creation of what my vagina was meant to be... a Intersex Woman.

A Vagina, is a reference we can all take with us, it is something we can all find in our own self because we all have some inter feminine in us all.

Becoming a nature woman

My emotional side is catching up with me when someone makes comments and I hurl into a series of crying fits, jeez what is that all about? Looking at my future as a woman and I am so excited, maybe you don't know I have lived in both genders and I know how both have the club advantages.

Males are truly pigs I am sorry for saying that, no I am not, that gender is a class in itself. The scratching and tugging, moving their packages to re-adjust oh my god wash your ass once in awhile or wear baggier clothes to get air in there. The high five slaps when their team makes the score, come on life can be much more exciting if you participate in the real sport. Did you happen to look at your fashion guys, brown and black shoes what total 20 different pair of the same thing then the athletic shoes give me a break. Put some variety in there won't you, heck no, that would mean you would have to use some of that brain muscle and that would strain something. Then the clothes, T-shirts, dress shirts, ties and pants and the same ole style of suits god where is the different flavors? Accessories where? What a cap or a watch, once in awhile a gold chain around a neck submerged in that hairy (yuck) mess. Standing around talking about how lucky we are getting laid or making the other fellow feeling bad that he didn't get any because he didn't do it like this or that and the high five again. Men have a special bonding club, it is so unique none other is like it. The power they have over women they think they are better but really they no clue, if it wasn't for the woman with her knowledge the business would have crumbled long ago. I really hate to be critical with that but they are like cave men, and I had to associate with them because I was taught that way. Young boys are taught to not cry, brush it off stand straight and move on. Don't be a sissy be a man and so be it that is what is drilled into your head. Put down that doll, no you can not hang out with the girls you will be labeled a sissy. Trucks, cars and skinning the knee, no tears your a man now. I hated that club so much, I didn't care I was a sissy so what but I could kick your ass if you provoked me enough. I have been in a whole 3 fights, only because someone wanted to test my abilities I guess.

Yes men have a club of their own and you have to be male to be in it, I will be loosing that membership one day oh well too bad but it never changes so I could tell you about it.

The club I have always wanted to be in has been in front of my face since I was born, I am different, I am all girl which I never had a chance to smile when I received flowers or giggle like the girl I am. This is a wonderful womanhood that I missed because I was being trained to be a boy, when I should have been wearing dresses and cute socks, puppy dogs and kitties oh so cute shopping for whatever sale is going on come on lets go. I can not say he is cute because I am not that way but you sure look hot in that you bitch I wanted to wear that. Being a woman can not be compared to anything out there, it is quite special and my hormones tell that every minute of everyday. Is my nail polish right and wait no it is the wrong color for this outfit, off it comes and the right finish needs to be on and oh look at that bathing suit no way wrong color it will make me look fat wait can I have that bag instead. Damn look at all those shoes, yes I am a shoe slut I can not help it so much variety and my god I don't have enough room well get rid of that spare bedroom I need the space. No heels darn they kill my calves, those wedges are beautiful and look what they do to my butt, I got to get one of each color and style wait does that have a belt to go with that oh I need a new purse darn It need that scarf too. Oh and the clothes please don't even get me started, the accessories I need that spare bedroom made into a walk in closet, I am so happy wait is that a split end oh my and where did that pimple come from. The plucking of hair to be so perfectly beautiful just for myself not because I have to impress anyone wait is that a gray hair time to color it no more gray please. Get my attention with perfume on display, the clothes I can shop for hours and hours does this make my ass look big oh how does this fit crap I need to loose more weight darn I wanted that too.

I am so emotional lately and also being off work due to sickness sure doesn't help because it gives me time to myself too much which I really start to see the imperfections about myself. I once bought a pair of seven inch heels, what was I thinking back then, I tried oh did I ever try to walk in them and my tendons from my calves were screaming to get my feet out of those torture chambers. They sit on my shelf staring at me now, had to be a man that made that style because no woman is crazy enough to wear them. The weight I have on my body oh darn brownie I knew better but oh so delicious couldn't help myself and now I am paying for it pushups and crunches, running so many miles sweating oh how nasty sweat everywhere gawd I don't need this now, I want that skirt to fit right please no more weight.

Can't be wasting time on being a man anymore, I want to be the woman I am, the bond we have us girls and knowing what we are having in the emotional need gawd I missed that so much I guess I was always the girl and never knew it but I loved having that in me. Time to get back to work and get back to saving money, I want my body to be perfect well almost because it will never be perfect, I sure can not wait to see myself in that wedding dress just one time.

So now you have it, the difference between genders. I love being a woman more than a man for the simple reason I am proud of who I am, I am stronger than the male species though they thought I was trained to be something I am not. It is a welcoming feeling when I am in the shower shaving the sparse peach fuzz on my legs and splashing bath oil on my body because I want to be soft and pretty. I have been doing this since I was a boy, and I do cry when I scrap my knee so what that doesn't make me a sissy I am just a girl.

The wonderful world of gender and labels

I was asked today to join a web site that caters to TRANNYS, now as you all know that isn't what I am. Each of us have our own label or title but as an Intersex where do I fit in? I did the registration and low and behold I am an other.

I will always be an other because society has no category for us and I understand that, with the different types involved Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (cah),Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (ais), 5-alpha Reductase Deficiency, Klinefelter’s Syndrome, Turner Syndrome, Mosaicism just to name a few.

I do get a kick out of someone trying to categorize me in the tranny community, though I try to educate them just how far I am along in my transition than that of a typical MTF. How many different types of gender are there really, every week I hear of a new label but the genders are the same either your male or female there is no in between.

We as humans should get along with each other but that will not happen in my future only the animals get along with each other and they have no labels.