Why?

"What would it have been like to be born the girl that is partially in me?"

Why did she ask me that? What answer did she expect from me, was it because she didn't understand? Why hurt me for something I had no control over?

I was asked that today and the reply was tears, no words, just tears. I can not tell you what is in my mind or my heart of what happen so long ago why I am this way, all I know is that even though I am not totally complete, I was a girl who has grown into a beautiful woman; mind, body and soul.

If you do not believe me ask anyone who knows me, you will get a wonderful answer or even a story of how they explain who I am as a person, no label.
It hurts sometimes knowing the should of, could of, would of, nothing could be more right than for me to try and explain what and how I feel.

Sometimes I am thankful that my vagina was never made, weird to say this huh? I would have not had known the hardships of others, the grief of the transwoman as well as the genuine women that have come into my life.
I wouldn't have been taught what I know now being the person that has imaged this body and soul.
I do wish sometimes I could have lived my life as the little girl I was supposed to be, I wanted more than anything to have sleep overs and talk about clothes and makeup, to experience my cycle as a girl and not as a boy.

All the experts while growing up had no knowledge of what I was experiencing but were willing to cut into me to answer the yearning questions thankfully my mother had no part in that, nor did I.
It wouldn't have made a difference would it to cut a child because she didn't have a vagina.

My mother made the right decision, the scarring and mental trauma alone would have affected me and I am not unhappy for it.
No, I prefer to have my girl parts as I have them now, when my GRS (gender reassignment surgery) is completed it won't make me a woman, it will just fulfill something that was needed long ago.

Not knowing what to say to that woman today was embarrassing, I cried, all I could do was cry no words not a mere yipe just tears.

I hate this not having the right words to tell someone what I feel inside when I am asked a simple question of why?