When I see her

This is what I see everyday when I look in the mirror, we argue who will be out and about that day. But all in all she always wins either way. You would agree she is perfect and I feel so bad for keeping her locked up but I need to, her safety is important to me.

One day the world will see this beautiful woman I protect and I will no longer have to protect her.

So this will be short, I just wanted to share this music that reminds me of my other self.
Gorgeous smile, face and personality....amazing!!

My Christmas gift...

I am one who hardly ever reads these stories when they are sent to me because of the volume of them, but this one touched my heart because I did just this yesterday (Friday December 3rd) in a KFC, a homeless man came in for warmth and I bought him lunch.
I have very little because I just started getting a paycheck but I wanted to share the happiness I have. He was frail and could have used a bath, but he is after all a human being and I do not judge others.


I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology.
The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions..

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake,

literally.....

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning.

It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then
even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.
As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.
As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'
His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching..

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.....

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford.. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something.. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.

That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.
I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.
He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'
I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope..'

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.....
That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.
I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.
I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.

Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'
I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.
In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:


UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.


I have only one wish, that we are all accepted, no matter what.

I am back again "Smiles"

So now I am back to work and saving for a apartment of my own or share with someone other than my brother. I am looking into sharing for the sake that rent is so high here, a studio apartment goes for $1200 a month but if you share it could be $900. I am looking into pride roommates since I do want to be with someone who isn't against transgenders.
I am also looking into another new laptop, this one is 6 years old and can not keep up with my activities, the video is old as well as the technology. With my 17% off with Dell, I will get a sweet unit for little money.

So what have I done since moving to Virginia? Well other than getting a job, nothing really. I am looking into going back to therapy and getting back on my hormones, I sure miss them more than anything. There is so much I need to do but am limited to funds, saving will be helpful. No clothes or shoes for awhile, I now have medical insurance so I will see a doctor soon, I have trigger thumbs caused by too much use of the keyboard.

I sure miss my friends in Illinois, not that I seen them everyday its just well home was there and now its here.

I need to find my friends here, the ladies I know online and hang out with them. Give me something to do and I will feel more at home when I bond with them.
Thanksgiving is done and over, now for Christmas and hopefully a wonderful new year is ahead.

I wonder with a Dell do I get a ford too, naaa stick to my Toyota lol.

Dell and the Moon

It has been sometime since I have written in my blog, alot has happened since moving to Virginia. One day in my second week here I started feeling pain in my hands, the joints like I had twisted something, come to find out two thumbs I have trigger thumbs which I can honestly say this is not a fun thing to have. (Triggering of the thumb occurs when focal degenerative changes within the flexor pollicis longus (FPL) tendon lead to a localized swelling that limits tendon excursion within the tendon sheath.) What I do, is run my hands under hot water to relieve the tendon and take two alieve for the pain.
My insurance should kick in soon and I will soon see a doctor for this. At this time I have my thumbs in splints to keep them straight without the worry of them popping the joint.

Now with my new job I am learning so much for the little that I do, I am a Field Engineer which I work in Fairfax with 3 great guys. My job is located 5.1 miles from my brothers house where I reside but it takes me more than 45 minutes to get there (people here do not know how to drive) soon I will find a new route that will not make my GPS lost (smiles).

My father has yet apologized for blaming me of stealing his money, I know if he does locate it I will not get the apology anytime soon.

I have plans on joining a gym here in Fairfax, I need to shed my weight and get back into a size 8 and the only way is with exercise. With my thumbs as they are it will take time to get myself back in order.

My brother was blowing leaves off the roof and out of the gutters, I ran and got my camera and made caption on face book...This is how a hillbilly removes leaves from a roof. So running to the other side of the roof the sun poking out from the trees, I go to get a picture of my brother again and all I see is a moon......he had bent over with his pants around his ankles exposing to the world his ass. Now that was so funny I sent that also to face book.




I am loving my job, no matter what, I'd rather have slow day at work then be home stuck with over exposing brother.

Finally a job and a nightmare

It took more than twenty months in order to find work or for a company to give me a chance to prove myself. It isn't how good your resume looks, or your references, even your background. The companies are so strict and picky that they pass over so my great people to find that special one they want. I interviewed with four hundred others all with the same background and some with more talent, Dell hired me. I believe it was my upbeat personality that won them over.

So I will begin work November 8th, and lord knows I am anxious. the orientation will be all day as expected with lunch paid for by the company. I am going through a background security check as I type this.

The trip

My brother and I decided to visit my folks and also me visit the dentist, I had chipped a tooth that needed fixing badly (dentist said if I didn't come as I did, I would need a root canal). So we left Virginia 6:30 pm for Chicago to avoid the rush hour traffic, little did LB (my brother) know we would hit the heart of it in Maryland.
We sat in traffic for little over an hour and a half talking about the trip and when I was to take over the driving, all went quite well other than his top speeds of 90+ an hour which upset me, what was the damn hurry to drive like that in the mountains. I started driving from Breezeway PA, which was very pleasant, LB slept and I concentrated on the road which it was extremely dark. A truck had hit a raccoon and he was partially alive when he was in my path, I could not avoid him to save him for I would have hit an upcoming vehicle in my left and right lane. I felt miserable and still do because I hit it. In Indiana, I got caught up with traffic and was speeding, my radar detector didn't go off till I was in front of the police car that was hidden in the night (no lights or anything to show his car) he got me going 74 in a 70, and I explained to him I have never had anything on my record for 30 years. He gave me the citation for $150.00, now that was a jerk.

I proceeded to the next service station for gas and to switch with LB, I was too pissed to drive now. Before the trip LB and I agreed he would pay the gas which I would split later with him, I took care of the tolls which were $52.80 round trip.

Lb gotten lost somewhere in Indiana between 80/94 and ended up in Gary Indiana, now that was a scary trip, two white people driving through the early morning hours looking for the highway. We finally pulled up behind my old house at 6:30am, it had taken us 12 hours to get there.

My parents woke up to find us in my truck waiting for them, we are to stay at their house. I haven't slept in their home since I was 16 years old so this will feel strange. The visit was good because I had time to spend with my friends, while the family went gambling which I could not afford. I brought $300.00 with me for the dinners with friends and the dentist bill.
The dental bill was $315.00, I gave him $250.00 with a promise to pay off the rest when I start working, he knows I am good for it. I also told him that he is MY dentist, I will fly to have my teeth fixed by him, he is that good.
That evening I had a friend realign my spine, she is a massage therapist which has worked on me for the past 8 years. I work on her computers and she works on me, so no charge.
LB and I are leaving in the early morning, 3:30 am he wakes me for the trip home. I start the driving out of Chicago and somewhere around 80/94, I end up in Michigan. Both of us were awake when it happen and yet we have no idea what happen. For an hour I drove with my GPS trying to find I80. We eventually drove to the highway though we gotten to see the back roads of the farms in Mich (Niles). Nothing exciting from that point on, we arrive home around 4 pm, unload my truck and unwind.
During the trip home I had received calls from all my friends to be sure I was alright and they had said maybe we can get together for a longer visit next time.
Then my father called, not to see if we made it but to ask me one insulting question that would end all our conversations from that time forward.

Father: Let me ask you a question?
Me: Ok dad go for it.
Father: Did you take $250.00 from the envelope in the silverware draw?
Me: No dad, I didn't. Why would you ask that?
Father: Don't lie to me BOY!!
Me: Listen I have my own money I wouldn't take yours, I don't steal from no one.
Father: I had $4200.00 in there and $250.00 is missing, you took it!!
Me: I never took it and you are so wrong for accusing me for such, this conversation is done..I hung up on him.

That evening I wrote him an email, through my step mom's email account.

Dad,

You are a very pathetic asshole in my eyes, accuse me of stealing from you. The years of torment you apply to me in everything I do or have done, towards my dead mother, even now that I no longer live there. You will not be able to call me ever, your phone number is no longer able to call my phone.

I can see Paul stealing from you but not me, I have never took anything from you or anyone for that matter. So for you to ask me the question and then say "Don't lie to you" OMG you are an asshole in my eyes. All the years I bought alcohol and cigarettes, never charged you a dime for the gas and ALWAYS gave you your change.

Even after you find out where your money is, don't talk to me, don't apologize because I don't give a shit.


Shawn

So that is my trip from hell, and now I am getting ready for my job. That will be the one thing that will make me extremely happy and get on with my new life. I am saving for my VJJ :)

A huge step in the right direction

Well its official, I lost the house I have totally rebuilt. I purchased the house for 110000 and invested another $60000 into it over 9 years. Now Freddie Mac owns it, I don't blame them because jobs are scarce. So I packed everything I wanted and sold what I really didn't want to carry. Sofa and love seat, coffee table (wood) bedroom suite consisting of 5 pieces. Treadmill, and so much more just so I didn't carry it. Also all my dishes, glasses, pots and pans whatever was there is gone.

Where did I go from there, drove 728 miles east to Virginia where my brother and wife said I can start over.

Starting over which is described as I progress with work, then I can continue my transition it has been 17 months since I had my last estrogen pill. The shots haven't started here yet but I am due for one. I will plan that this week. So now I am settled somewhat, new house, new rules and a bed to lay my head.

My brother LB, brought me to a junkyard that had a tire and rim (needed a spare tire) and it cost $100 after we returned home we were talking and decided I will buy the other tires which are in better shape than the ones on my truck each would be $35, looking them up they are worth $188 each so all in all a great deal. The truck they took the wheels off was T-boned in an accident. Hardly ever used and has the rubber nipples still on them.

My brother, his wife Faith and I went to Ocean City for the labor day weekend, the beach was stunning and the water was ice cold. Did get to see some dolphin's swimming which was truly breathtaking. Everything is tanned as it should be and the only place burnt was my forehead, aloe will correct that. Didn't remove my shirt, even though I was in male mode, my breasts are quite noticeable and didn't want to be embarrassed.

So tomorrow I will continue to look for work, it looks promising really just need to have strength and faith, someone will want me soon.

I will be updating this blog now that I am settled.

Happy Labor day everyone.

P.S.

Am a little homesick, but since I have no home now I will get over it.

Starting Over Again

As some of you know I have been fighting to get back to work, it has been 16 months since I had a paying job. Without work the bills are extremely hard to pay for and on top of it all, my mortgage fell into a foreclosure which they sold the house, I couldn't even fight for it for I had no monies to back me up.

I received a noticed yesterday from FedEx from some lawyers that are representing the real estate company, they want to assist me on finding a new place to live. I think they want to TRY to sell my house but the market is dead now no one is selling in this neighborhood.

I will miss this place, I had invested about $60,000 into it and the memories here have been good. I will try and find something later that in one level and setup nicer than my small kitchen, the counter here is only 2 feet long of working space which when I do cook I am preparing and washing dishes at the same time to make space.

So I am now looking for an apartment or room with someone to spare the cost of rent, this way I could save for the things I have been wanting like surgeries and maybe a mobile home which is all I really need. I will miss the house but this place is too big for me, the size is perfect for a family not a single person and it is so lonely here.

Another thing which may sound weird is I am glad to finally be moving away from my dad and his wife, I have supported them in every new technology item on the market. Stepmom had dialup when I moved in so I gave her DSL for 8 years free of charge but when I lost my income she finally decided to help. Also gave my father Directv and again when the payments weren't getting paid they threaten to cut it off, so my dad got his own service and shunned me from his service. It gets better, every time her PC, Directv and VCR needs service they call me. No more, I get tired of being used.


Once I came out of the closet all family activities weren't mentioned around me, I had to inquire what was going on and if I was invited. So this is a blessing, my dad will be 76 this Sunday and he will have no one to pick on or help him with the things others have to do for him. My brothers live in different places in the US and the youngest lives about 40 miles away and never comes over.

Nice family huh? Who needs that kind of support?

I will get through this and brush myself off which I have done two other times in my life. Starting over is rough, but it can be done. This time I have a list of goals to complete in order to be satisfied in my life. One major goal is my womanhood to be fulfilled and I will start saving as soon as possible. The other is school and getting another place of my own.

I think I will start dating again once I start working, I miss the special attention I once had with someone so its time, it has been 4 years since I dated anyone. I miss everything about having someone, the love, the disagreements and making up. tired of listening to a TV set on to pretend someone is here, want to hear her voice again.

This is my situation, you all have been reading about and my journey never ended just stalled for a bit.

Soon I will be living in a new place and my life will have a new light in it, I will be working hard for it too. Love you all so much, if you want to talk email me I will always be there for you.

Happy Memorial Day

Imagine 17 years old and having your father suggest you enlist into the Navy, this will be my first time away from home, away from my mom. He wanted to make a man of me, little did he know that would never happen. I'm not saying that it was a bad idea but my gender was set in place when I was born, I portrayed a man for my father.

Eight weeks of boot camp in sunny Orlando, time of year, July, with blistering 115F (black flag days) though it was tough I made it. Then it was off to school to learn about torpedoes from which I was given orders to attend school in Conn. for submarines. that would be my first tour which was 6 years. My base station was Hawaii the people are so friendly there, servicing such places as the antarctica for six months and Italy also spending many months out at sea. I left the navy for one year and returned to navvet training which is a refresher course of boot camp and then off to school for turbine theory which I had passed after 4 attempts. I was given my orders, San Diego California where a large carrier would be my home for the next four years.

Living conditions weren't so bad, separate showers and toilets to give a person privacy, which I needed because of the gender issues, I never did like men around me and also not in a shower.
I was an engineer for the USS Ranger CV-61 in MM2 which was hot work and long, the temps in the boiler room were up to 114 degrees which the air conditioning which was 100 degrees you could sweat yourself thin. The grueling conditions would be the apart of our jobs but the hardest was long periods away from home, six months out at sea sometimes back to back.

In my time of the navy, I have crossed the equator eight times, been through hurricanes and was in port for the earth quake in LA which destroyed the city. We helped all we could to provide medical assistance and food. In the Philippines which was one of our main ports we also helped the people with food and water after tropical storms destroyed cities. Navy life wasn't so much of traveling or working aboard the ship it was helping to save others.

Was in Seoul Korea for the Summer Olympics.

While visiting Japan, I had volunteered to help children in an orphanage. Getting to know these kids made the time that much more an experience but leaving them also hurt in so many ways. I wasn't prepared for that and it really did take a toll on all of us.

I had learned so much from that experience and though I miss it I will always remember who I was then and who I am now, the same helpful person you see me today. Though I am a veteran I am also a citizen of this great country I will continue to help keep this place safe as much as I can, I was taught to do it and it is my over all joy to do it today.

So for all the men and women who have died serving this great nation, and those still in the military and the veterans, I want to wish you a Happy Memorial day.

May the lord watch over you to keep you safe for without you, there would be no US.

Ending all the sorrow

The easy way away from this mess I call life is suicide, take my life out of this sorry place we call earth. Since not working anymore I haven't been able to pay my mortgage, hardly pay my bills and not able to continue with transitioning. What a $%cked up mess.

Suicide sounds too easy and the people I will hurt in this process is something I can not do, I would rather suffer fate than hurt my friends and family. I will probably end up on the streets til I find work again, this isn't my first time living on the streets but I never thought it would be like this again. This recession is really hurting everything.

I hear people complaining about their jobs and you know what I wish I had their job I will never complain because I will finally be working.

When I was working I had everything, the best electronic toys, directv, satellite radio, fast internet, new clothes and kept my truck clean. My parents loved what I did for them, I gave them internet, new computers and printers, directv, cell phones and satellite radio which I paid for everything.
Then I got laid off, I had enough funds to pay 10 months of my mortgage payments and bills after that I would be in trouble. I lost the directv and satellite radio first and all hell broke loose because I couldn't pay their bill, my stepmother chewed me out over not being able to pay for these things. So she called Directv and had the service turned on in her name but refused to turn it on for me. The cell phones were a family plan that too was changed. I lost all respect from them because I couldn't pay their bill anymore. I was used and kicked to the curb because I no longer could give them their toys. I also was frowned upon when I came out to the world being a woman. My brothers and sister had open arms, my aunts, uncles and cousins all accepted me but the two people whom I call my parents shunned me.

When I was 16 years old, I attempted suicide, swallowed alot of pills wanting to end the knowledge of my intersex issue. I knew I was different, I was shown that and hiding was going to be a challenge so I assumed taking the pills would end that. Only thing is, I was hurting all who knew and loved me so I called an ambulance and rushed me to the hospital to pump my stomach and save my life. I didn't chicken out nor did I do it for attention, I only wanted peace which I never achieved.

My father was pissed and his new wife made me pay for the therapy sessions to find out why I did it. They knew why I did it but never accepted it. I was grounded, spanked and was to give all my earnings to pay the therapist bill.

So here I am 32 years later wanting to do it again, take out my life to relieve my suffering though I again will not do because of who I know and who love me.

Yes I am poor but I am rich with love and friendships, and suicide may be a way out but not for this lady for I am tougher than that.

Changing and for what?

Funny since when do I follow the direction of others, well I did this week and today I had my beautiful length of hair chopped off which I donated it to locks of love.

It was said that I would have better results finding a job with shorter hair than longer, so this will be a test and I know for a fact I will continue to grow my hair out. As the days move on I have noticed my hair style has made my face more noticeable and the smile that is my trade mark is brighter than ever. No I have no ponytail anymore and the hour of keeping it clean and creme rinsing is gone, doesn't mean I don't miss it, cause I do, I would twirl it when I was nervous.

As soon as I get some alone time, I will doll myself up and show all of you my new haircut, I really do like it, by the way it is a feminine cut :-)


After baking a cake (no frosting), I think I ate four slices from it and the rest I slung out in the backyard, the birds really do enjoy that treat. I love making them happy and well fed, and the best part is they sit on the electrical line above my fathers van and crap cake all over it :-)

That is what I call getting even for chipping my nails.

Today is Mothers day, usually I go to the cemetery with one red rose and spend an hour with my Mom, not today, my truck is acting up so I will talk to her here because she is always with me. Every time I go to the cemetery I end up crying and be depressed the rest of the day so I will avoid this at all cost. Twenty five years ago she was laying asleep in her hospital bed, she escaped the pain finally. Cancer ate her up, nothing anyone could do, she fought it for 18 months. This lady was amazing, with a MBA only to be a house wife, mother and my best friend. Some days I can go without thinking about her, but days like today (Mothers Day) I have her on my mind.

The job hunting has been so depressing, I even went back to looking for maintenance and plumbing positions just so I can pay some bills. Hopefully some company gives me a chance soon.


Well I guess I will go watch the birds poop on my dad's van, that is the most entertaining thing I can do now besides fluff my hair.

Why must I do this to myself?

Waking at 7am sharp, we are going fishing. Making coffee and setting up my gear, tennis shoes on and I am wearing a jacket, its 49 degrees (9.4 C) outside, no t-shirt weather this time. Waiting for my father to open the garage, this is my Q it is time to go, but he hasn’t opened it yet hmm hope he didn’t sleep in I will be pissed. It is ten after eight and low and behold he is calling, yelling where the hell are you?
Uh waiting for the door to open, he was in the garage with the door closed. So first thing he starts with is my pony tail and something about fishing, I ignored him. We then have to pick up his friend, Bill, he is going too.


*Now let me explain Bill, a skinny Santa Clause, hunched over and just as old, he is around 78 and hard of hearing. My father is 75 and with partial hearing. With that out of the way….

Now the ride there takes about an hour, we have to take the older single lane highways to get there, and if my Dad is driving it will take 3 hours and handicap people are flicking him off. So listening to these two old guys in the van, now they are 2 feet from each other and yelling to each other cause they can’t hear, I jumped the first time my dad repeat himself it was so load, thought I hit something. So they are having a shouting match and each say huh? Damn what a crazy why to talk.


My dad is a side seat driver, he will tell you how fast to go and when to apply the brakes, and if he thinks you are wrong he will shout it out, where I am lucky I am wearing a seat belt or I would be walking home tonight or wake up in the hospital from landing on the street on my head.

So nothing eventful other than them two talking, stopping at a gas station, I need to get a soda because they brought lunches with soda of their own. So I made sure they used the bathroom before we got back on the road, no one has DEPENDS and I for one am not changing old man drawls.


Finally arriving to the farm, yes it’s a private lake and it is quiet here except for the buzzing of a bug or two. Grabbing my poles and tackle box which looks like a cosmetics case (laughs) off I disappear.
The third cast I get a fish, then another after that, ok this is fishing. Bill is trying his hand and he is catching fish too.

After about 30 minutes my father shows up, he is on the other side of the lake, he starts catching fish but the kicker here is he is done after 6 fish, he wants to go home…

No way am I leaving, this is what I have been wanting and no grumpy old man will take that from me besides I have the keys.

Standing on the bank I cast off and there is mud under my feet, slippery mud, as I back up my feet start sliding forward and I am running in place trying to stay out of the water, the faster I run the worse it gets, I am running backwards now so I drop my butt in the weeds, whew. Shaking and upset because Walter Matthau tried to get me to leave early, and I almost slid in the water.

Getting my footing I get away from the mud and sit down on the grass by the bank, the sun is out now, strip off my jacket and fish some more. Sitting there in tranquil peace and quiet is like heaven, the only sound I hear is the bass spawning and an occasional bug flying by.

My dad is fishing again bitching because Bill and I don’t wish to leave yet, its noon. Sitting there fishing I look down because something caught my eye, its moving up my pant leg, damn it’s a spider and its big enough to ride, where and the heck did it come from I am rolling on the ground trying to get it off of me. I turn into a three year old screaming get it off, get it off. Have you ever walked into a spiders web in the backyard, well I have, and I would start flapping my arms back and forth to make sure no spider is attached.

After crushing that nasty thing, I check the rest of me, this could have made me soil myself. I will stand now thank you very much, no more surprises. Well I look and we have 31 fish, time to go as I am getting aggravated that he wants to go home, so we pack the van, stop to pick up my dad’s jacket and fishing pole, get fresh water for the fish and my father disappeared. What now, hurry us up to leave and he gets the notion to wander off.

Bill then asks me where my dad is, I look in my pockets, heck I don’t know so I go to the farmer’s house and he is on a bench talking to the farmer and his wife.

OMG, he was in a hurry to go home, well we were there for another hour and a half, I took a nap in the van. Finally we get on the road and he starts driving in the side seat again, watch the fish in the buckets, watch what?

I am driving.


*There was this one trip last year, we caught a huge bucket of fish and it was filled with water with a towel over it to prevent from splashing in his van. Well I was driving the van when some guy in front of us (3 car lengths ahead) my father yells out ‘Watch It’ and my first reaction was slam on the brakes, well that bucket of fish spilled into the van. Opening the doors it looks like Niagara Falls, water was everywhere. Pulling over to see the mess and pick up the fish, I was shaking from the “Watch it” luckily I didn’t soil myself. The van was flooded, and oh my god it smelled like fish before we reached home. I thought my dabbing up the water helped; it took fans round the clock, a wet vacuum and a new rug to get rid of that water and smell.

Here I am talking to a man that cannot remember what he had for dinner yet he is reminding me of the incident of the fish spilling in the van.
Well we got home in one piece I am frazzled with his side seat driving, need to drop Bill off then Bill takes the most fish better for him no fish cleaning for me. I’ll catch them but not clean them.

Why do I do this to myself?

Fishing trip from Hell

Setting my alarm for 7am, my father and I are going fishing. Now it has been some time since we did that together and I am really looking forward to it. Grabbing two poles and my miniature tackle box (cute little thing) and setting them on my deck, it is too early to pack the van. So I make a pot of coffee and wait for my dad to open his garage, I can see from my kitchen.

Let me explain something before I get started, my dad is 76 years old, moves very slow and I worry that if he falls he will break something. Now that out of the way I will continue.

I see he is in there, so off I go with my tackle only to be told to bring just one pole, ok I can live with that. Loading the van was easy for him, he directed me on putting the boat battery in and the electric motor he already has his gear in the van. Looking at his cooler I see he has a sandwich and two pops, nothing for me, so I grab a bottle of water.

Off we go, but not to the lake, he has me drive to some guys house to purchase a boat trailer. Now if you know my father and his family, there is no way to buy something and leave right away. Oh no, as soon as he gets out of the van he shakes hands with the guy and (like his stomach has a magnet inside) leans on the boat that is on the trailer like it was the back of a pickup truck, where he will be for about an hour BSing about nothing at all as the fish are getting full from the morning insects.

My dad buys the trailer but doesn’t want the boat, ok now what, well we have to figure out how to get rid of this fiberglass tri hull and quick, fishing is almost over. Strapping a tow strap to the boat and the guy’s van he yanks it off the trailer also drags his jeep along with it, it was too funny. Now we are on our way, yay.
That took 2 ½ hours of socializing.

Getting to the lake which I have yet to catch one fish here but others have or the fish stories are too great and don’t wish to be left out I am willing to give it a shot. Putting the van off to the side with the trailer, putting a plug in the boat and I noticed it is bring on water, damn. So getting a new plug I attempt to test this again, great no water. First the motor and then the heavy ass battery into the back of the boat, tripping over seats and the boat listing back and forth, finally settled in the boat to hook everything up and he has over tighten the positive hand tightener, so I send him to get a pair of channel locks in the van before he gets to the van I finally loosen it up and break my thumb nail and this upsets me.

I had did my nails last night to prevent something like this to happen, damn. He hands me a rope to use to tie the boat to the pier. Looking around, I ask my dad for the oars? What oars, I left them at home. What? What if the motor dies out what then? The battery is fully charged, who needs oars?

Well I go looking for oars there are a dozen boats here, and find a paddle, hey it will work to push us off sand bars without getting my feet wet. Not his feet, I am doing all the work.
Getting the boat in the water it is leaking from the top, but the angle it is on is making it take on water, so I readjust it so it is level with the water and it stops taking on water. Now it is in the water and I drive it to the pier so my dad can get in, but wait it is taking on water again, damn. So I drag this heavy ass boat on the pier to inspect the hull, low and behold there is a ton of paint covering up a crack. So cleaning the area with a razor blade and a grill cooker wire brush (oh by the way he left the tools at home with the oars) and a pair of needle nose pliers. I am a network engineer now a ship builder. Cleaning up the area, there is a crack in the hull, so he comes up with this epoxy to fill the crack which works out good. Putting the boat back in the water and climbing in, the damn hull is leaking again, now what?

So out of the boat again, pulling it back on the pier and right above that crack that we patched is another one, I reach down under the boat and I find a huge crack in the hull, this is from dragging it onto rock shores. He has me clean this area and plugs up that hole. Now the boat isn’t taking on water. He wants to go home, wait, why would I want to go home after all this with that heavy battery attaching the motor, repairing the hull and breaking a thumb nail? So I have him get into the boat, and we are off. The wind is to our back, so he gets a worm and puts it on his hook which he casts out, me on the other hand is using fake minnows with no luck at all but I would rather have a bad day at fishing than sit at home watching a computer screen.

Noticing that we are drifting off course, I keep reminding my dad to turn left or turn right, then he catches a rainbow trout, the damn thing is huge, and it is dragging us whichever way he wants, now my dad is only worried about this fish and not paying attention to the boat which is steering itself, thank god I have that paddle I found. He is wrestling with that fish and it got too close to the prop and I heard a “tink”, he lost that big fish, aww too bad. The look of disappointment on his face is priceless and I do feel bad but what do you want me to jump in after him…NOT. So off we go with the wind hitting us in the face, we are headed towards the pier, but wait, you’ll love this, we are losing power quickly. Apparently the battery didn’t get a full charge and we are in the middle of this lake, the water is like 40 degrees and there is no freaking way I am jumping it to drag his old ass to the bank where ever it is. He is upset because we went fishing? Now why would you say take your pole and tackle box if we aren’t going fishing?
Mind you I have one paddle and the boat is 16 foot long, I start paddling one way then the next, it takes me 45 minutes to get to shore, I am dying of thirst yet I can’t drink the water.

As soon as I get to the bank ready to jump out with the rope my father tries the motor again in reverse, WTF, I am so upset now I want to cry. Another 20 minutes I am back at the shore where I was before.

Goose poop everywhere and I am slipping in it, and the mud I am sinking, come on why me?

So I drag him, the boat, and all the equipment on the bank. He is still pissed about his fish and I ignore him, taking everything out of the boat to drag it more up the bank. Mind you, he hasn’t helped, he is too upset about the fish, he has left it up to me.

I break another nail, index nail now, damn if only he knew how upsetting this is.

I must walk back and get the van to move the boat back to where we started from, so I instruct him to stay and I will return. Now I am parched, my water bottle is empty I will need to stop somewhere for a drink. Walking to the van which is a ¼ mile down the road, jump in and proceed to my father and his stupid broken boat and crappy motor. Backing that trailer up on a downhill incline is a pain in the butt, and with a supervisor telling me how to do it like he is in the seat driving, it is and always will remind me of driving Mrs. Daisy somewhere. Finally getting the trailer in a safe location to get the boat up on the trailer, I am exhausted at this point and he has me trying to lift this crappy boat on the trailer by myself. I refused, told him to lift as I did and finally get it on the trailer. At this point if he fell in the water, I would have to laugh but I know I would be the one who would have to save him and not stop hearing about it for the rest of his life.
Dragging that boat back to its original location only to set it back on the bank is bad enough, but I am the one doing the dragging here.

Break nail number three, am so thirsty I could drink pee and I am exhausted. I am thankful this fishing trip is over and we are on our way home. As we pull into the alley behind his house, he has the nerve to tell me to get up the next day and scrape the rust off his new trailer, he is lucky I don’t drag it to the river and push it in, I am too tired.

Later that night

As I recover from a hot shower, hair wet and snoozing I get a call, it’s my father asking where the rope is, what rope? He said you were supposed to take it off the boat, like hell I was, I was dragging that boat all over the place and doing all the back breaking duties while you stood around smoking and giving orders.


Oh by the way, no more fishing trips and why don’t you go to the hardware store they sell rope.

Pulling the wool

Last night I sat around trying to come up with the best April fools joke I could come up with and it hit me, I decided to post a shaved head on face book and let it ride. I did not think of the responses that I would have received but it was overwhelming, so overwhelming that I had to admit it was a joke before the day went on. One of my best features beside my smile, is my long luxurious hair and for me to cut that I would probably die.
I never knew how people know me like they do, one woman figured me out before anyone else that is why I admitted it was a prank. So sorry Véronique and Alan.

My straight friends also commented on my hair as they too seen the posting on FB which they too were quite in shock that I could just shave my head. If I had to cut it I would but to more of a feminine cut, I need bangs for that. I do love my long hair more so than short, it just makes me feel pretty.
I take great lengths taking care of my hair, and I am so thankful I didn't get my fathers genes or I would be getting many plugs or various amounts of wigs.

So I want to say sorry for the scare my friends, and say not to worry these locks are staying with me for a very long time.

I (evil grin)meant to pull the wool over your eyes {laughing}

To the special people

You never know how special someone is until they leave, I have many many friends all of which I often check on to see how they are doing just to be sure they are happy. Riftgrl was a great friend, she inspired more than I had expected. Met Lori through Riftgrl and was going to do an interview but we never connected so we just read and commented on each others blogs. I miss her today, Riftgrl (Leah) was truly a great friend. Now Lori is leaving and again I am faced with the tears of watching her leave. There is nothing I can do but just give my love, smile and wave good bye.

Someday I will hook up with each of the people that have left my circle just to see how they made it out there. It was a pleasure to watch them progress into the women and men they have become.

I try to support everyone I really do and it gives me such a wonderful warmth in doing so. My friends say I have a huge heart and at times I can agree but when I see friends leave I often ask myself what could I have done to keep them here. Which I know in my heart isn't possible.

So as Lori packs up and walks out of the picture, I can give her a virtual hug and wish her the very best. I could say our circle is getting smaller but that isn't true, with each new morning a new transgender pops into the picture.

With my hand out waiting, ready to show them the way and offer my support.

Bring a belt to Home Depot

Now to let you know something, I am a Jackie of all trades. I love to tinker with anything. Vacuuming this morning and started seeing smoke, so I stopped the vacuum and low and behold something was jammed in the brushes. After examining the vacuum all looked well, no more smoke but it wasn't right, the two dollar belt broke which when someone has no money that means the vacuum will be collecting dust for a bit.

I have been having issues with my tub lately, it appears all the old tenants never used a strainer for the drain and now it is clogged, I once was a plumber (sounds like a joke) and this should be an easy fix. Well what I thought was easy turned into 6 hours of using muscles I no longer have and will be paying for it tomorrow. The vanity was screwed into the wall and now the screws don't fit in the wall anymore lol. How was I to know that damn thing was set up that way, wonder why I couldn't get it off the wall. The p trap came off easily and I moved the vanity into the hallway to get it out of my way.
Ended up opening the clean out to remove what was stuck and the cover for the clean out someone (my father) had caulked because it had a crack in it. Now if you find you have a crack in something don't you attempt to fix it right so it doesn't bite you in the ass later. I appears he was temporary fixing it and 8 years later it bit me in the ass.

So grabbing some pipe wrenches and a hex T wrench I attempted to bounce my knuckles all over the floor and the wrench was hardly on the clean out cap. After reviewing the cap, I ran to get my saw all and cut the cap off the pipe, never marring the threads, still have that wonderful gift hehe. Cleaned the surface, poured some drain cleaner down the pipe, put a towel over the hole because it smelled like rotten eggs and it was brewing like some old witch making a batch of bat wing stew bubbling and gurgling which I didn't want to find a splatter of a mess on the floor or walls when I returned.

Off to home depot to find a cover, walking around in the plumbing section for 20 minutes I realized I needed some assistance so I rang for help, low and behold this young man came to my rescue. With his pants hanging past his ass crack and no belt to get them in place he attempted to examine what I had to no avail. He needed some help too, so off through the store we go. There standing in the isle was this skinny long haired guy on the phone with customers all around him and with me the kid with his drawers hanging off his hips.

The kid asked the guy did they carry an inverted hex clean out cover which was 3 1/2 inches. The look of surprise was on the kids face but Mr long hair looked at me and said "sorry we have nothing like that" Ahhh aren't I in home depot where you have everything, (not that part). So off I head to the True Value Hardware store in town, walking into this family owned business is like walking into the 50's, everything is laid out just like the old days and no less a wooded floor.

The owners wife is sitting behind a card table watching TV. I hand her the cover and she says I have one with the hex out, sure I said why not it is better than nothing. So off we go to get the cover, but wait, she examines the cover and asks, did this have a flashy cover with a screw in the center to hold in down.
Why yes I exclaimed, she hands me the replacement part like she knew what she was doing. Now home depot never asked me questions they just didn't have it.

So paying for the cover and returning home I could smell what was brewing, afraid to walk into the bathroom to see if the towel was hanging off the ceiling or something dreadful was attempting to crawl from that pipe.

After removing the towel I noticed that the drain was almost cleared out but not all the way. So turning on the tub faucet I proceeded to fill the drain pipe enough to see it wasn't draining to quick.

I asked my father if he had a snake (Flexible wire with a cutting head) and he didn't so what was I to do, I tried a coat hanger to no avail. My father suggested I use my leaf blower on the pipe.

Ok I could do that but the leaf blower nozzle is flat and wide, hmm I inserted another smaller vacuum flat attachment into the leaf blower attachment duct taped it in and attached a pipe attachment into the drain, covered it will the towel and blew a force of air into the drain.

Tell you what, whatever was in there found its way in the city drain quickly. Tried the tub again and the water was draining nicely, in fact I could take baths now. Putting everything back together, and applying new bigger screws to the vanity to attach it to the wall, I then re-caulked it.

Sitting down in my dining room grunting about the sore muscles I will have tomorrow besides what I have now, I get a call from my father ordering me over to his house. Now what? I ask myself.

Now my parents live next door, we have a duplex attached to each other.

It appears I blew such a force of air that his kitchen sink blew the p trap off his drain line and there is water every where. So I put it all back together for him, cleaned up the water and headed home. Hot shower is what I need to rid some of these aches and pains. Thinking to myself, I didn't even break a nail not bad girlfriend :-)

Moral of this story, start at 7am and be ready for a huge project because there is no such thing as a little project, and stay away from home depot for your plumbing needs. If you do bring a belt, because that young man sure needed it badly.

Women in Walmart

Today I was at a Walmart with a good friend of mine he was buying a Jump Starter with Compressor. So on our way in I have a habit of checking out what women wear and their mannerisms are. That place sure draws out the characters and fashion isn't one of the finer things in life for any of them, though there was one woman who was nicely dressed, waist leather jacket, black jeans and flat toed heeled boots with a kitty heel and her mannerisms were great. I watch her for a while learning what I can in order to look more feminine.

The hair styles and dress codes are a wonder why so many are single, come on ladies how am I supposed to learn anything if you don't care what you look like. As for the trip, he got what he went in for, I purchased a gallon of milk and it was time to go.

So that was my highlight of our shopping trip, without money I will not even window shop why tease myself.

Upon coming home, I had a phone message and email from Hyatt Hotels asking to call them, so on Wednesday 10am I have my first interview with them.
Also I had 3 interviews with a hospital also seeking my IS knowledge, hoping I get that one it is 15 minutes from my house.

I will keep you posted. As for the women out there, watch what you wear and how you do your hair, girls like me are trying to learn so we don't fit in a circus show.

Whats the Big Deal?

Why is it such a big deal of coming out?

I am my own person that would love the support of family and friends but if they aren't in tune then I will look like some type of fagot that wishes to wear womens clothes.

Coming out to my step mother was the hardest things I have ever done, the cold stone look she gave me was the type of look that makes people stay in the closet.

I will never forget it nor what she said when she did it. Why can't you just be gay, I don't want you parading around my work with your dress on.


??? What, have I already done this?

For over thirty five years I have worn female clothes, no one said a thing, even my ex's never said one word. Every pair of jeans, tops and underwear are female.

I made the bold statement, I am out of the closet and I am perceived as a fairy wearing womens clothes.

Who are you to judge me?

I am the same person you knew a minute ago yet the wrapper changed so that changed me?

I will tell you, it doesn't matter what you say or how you judge me. I am happy to be alive and where I can make the decision to make things right no matter the costs or who's heart I break.

It took almost a year for my stepmother to accept me, I would have cared less because I don't live my life for others.

Accept me for who I am not how I dress, or what I look like. I am a human, a person with deep feelings for others, listening is what I do best because I do care.

Everyday since I was eleven I have struggled with not being 100% female, 78% doesn't cut it because now as I sit typing this out I try to make things right. Some say I am lucky to be female inside, that it makes it easier to transition but they are so wrong. I have to be watched over medically for many diseases that women face.

Transitioning is the same for all of us, some have the funding which makes it easier, others are like me where a little goes a long way but all in all, we are the same.

So don't let others judge you because you are who you are, lets face it, everyone is different because they just are. My stepmother has struggled with her weight since I was 12 years old, she has the body of a pear but I don't make remarks about her and believe me I could come up with some really great fat jokes.

Just live your lives the way you intended to, and if someone snickers or makes remarks, ignore them.

Life is too short to hide someone so sweet.

Sisters

I often wonder what it would have been like to have grown up with a sister around my age, I am much older than my sister she is 34 and I am 48 so there is a large amount of time between us. As we have gotten older we have bonded like so many others and when I announced I was transitioning we grew very close together. She accepted me 100% and she was the first one I came out to. She is very open and doesn't judge anyone about who they are, I wish more people were like her.

This morning I chose to drive my step mom, my nieces and sister to the airport on their way to Mall of America in Minnesota for a shopping trip for the girls, see it is times like that I wish I could be a part of. So as my sister and I were standing by her van I had noticed it was filthy of salt and road residue. I asked her why haven't you cleaned this van it would be safer with clean windows, which she replied why don't I wash it in my bikini and we laughed at that image plus to do that in front of my dad would be priceless.

With my weight being up and all I wouldn't be out there in a one piece let alone a bikini. Besides with the scar on my tummy, it looks like I had a c section so bikinis are out for me, but a girl can dream.

One thing I love to do is shop, no matter what it is, I try to find a bargain and try on anything especially shoes. See my sister and I have that in common, we both love shoes. She has more pairs than I, believe it or not, but we have that love for shoes. My sister is adorable, very classy lady which shines all the time even after two children she still looks fantastic. She takes good care of herself as well as her family.

So someday I will be able to shop with her, go for manicures and pedicures, do the things ladies do when they socialize and when that day comes I will shine too.

Get out your sun glasses, don't want to blind no one :-)

Position on teaching teens

I had applied for a teaching position and the vibes were fantastic, it would have been part time but it was like a dream come true job. I love teaching people who want to learn. But as faith has it this is what happened.

Thank you, first, for you patience while we met with the different candidates and mulled over the skills and qualifications to best suit the needs of the program.
We had it narrowed down to you and one other candidate as you both posses such strong qualities. We have decided to extend the position to the other candidate mostly because of his experience working with teens in that specific community and in a school district.

I want you to know that this wasn't an easy decision because of your extensive technological experience, your pleasant demeanor and excellent references. But ultimately we had to take into consideration the classroom environment for this particular program, and go from there.

I believe we told you that we are expanding and will be adding more new programs most likely within the year. Each program and each location has its own set of characteristics that affect our hiring. It is for this reason, that I would like to ask your permission to contact you again when we have a new position open up and see if it's something you would be interested in at that time. I think you have a lot to offer a program and the youth and I believe we will have a program that can work for you.

It's your call, of course.
Please know how much we appreciate your time and experience.
Thank you Shawn.

I wish you all the best.
Sincerely,

Ginny

Follow up letter:

It was so close and required a lot of back and forth discussion.
I really appreciate your energy and what you have to offer and can see a time where you will be more in line with a particular program.
Thank you for allowing me to call you as things progress.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Ginny

I have a feeling I will get work long after I lose my house.

The wonderful world of gender and labels

I was asked today to join a web site that caters to TRANNYS, now as you all know that isn't what I am. Each of us have our own label or title but as an Intersex where do I fit in? I did the registration and low and behold I am an other.

I will always be an other because society has no category for us and I understand that, with the different types involved Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (cah),Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (ais), 5-alpha Reductase Deficiency, Klinefelter’s Syndrome, Turner Syndrome, Mosaicism just to name a few.

I do get a kick out of someone trying to categorize me in the tranny community, though I try to educate them just how far I am along in my transition than that of a typical MTF. How many different types of gender are there really, every week I hear of a new label but the genders are the same either your male or female there is no in between.

We as humans should get along with each other but that will not happen in my future only the animals get along with each other and they have no labels.

Random Thoughts of transitioning......

So overwhelming seeing all the trans people I read about or see on a daily basis, never thought I would see the day we all come out and unite.

Whether MTF, FTM or people like myself that are coming out in droves. The FFS, altering their faces to match their gender, or SRS (GRS) also to match their genders. Hormones alter our bodies dramatically some to the point of never returning to the original state even if they stop taking them.

I believe in my opinion, it is easier for a FTM to pass in many ways. There are cute men in society that the FTM would fit with none or little problems. Binding I had to fit in the male world. Where as MTF if you don't have feminine qualities or in your early thirties, passing will be tremendously harder than most.

Children have the medicine now to alter their gender, with testosterone blockers and testosterone shots given at an early age, stops the binary changes in puberty. The parents are now more understanding too, where we had to hide they are more expressive.

I would say 85% of my friends have had or about to have their surgeries that has completed that portion of their journey though the journey never really ends.

My surgery will not be completed as I thought it would, financially it is impossible but I still hold the brass ring which I will achieve this impossible dream because I do not believe in giving up on something I have waited my whole life for.

My life began as a caterpillar where the actual insect eats, my life absorbed knowledge as I grew and shed my skin many times to make me a stronger caterpillar. It is the only way I can explain how I began, inching my way in life enriching myself with the people I have met and the journeys I have chose for the path I was on though the last path was disastrous that brought this to an end.
During that period of my life I entered the chrysalis stage before I knew it the butterfly emerged, Oh she became the most beautiful butterfly I had ever seen.

When it happen I can not tell you, how it happen I can not say, but now that it had I stretch my wings, flap them a few times and started my flight, I am on a long trip and may slow down with wind and hazards in front of me but I will complete this journey however long it takes.

It must feel strange and yet so exciting to look down in the shower at once was a tail, without the lump only smoothness when you wear your lingerie. No tucking or feeling uncomfortable whilst you bend over getting the pinching effect.

I can honestly say that I had no problems with any of that, tucking began a habit since childhood and as I grew older the tail was just that, a tail.
It will be wonderful for me to be complete, having the VJJ and my uterus together I will then be complete. Though I will not be able to have children like I had wanted since I was sterile at birth.

Surgery will not make me female, I am already that, what it will do is complete what natural failed to do and I am thankful medicine and science has given us that.

Nikki, Chloe, Rebecca, Suzanne, and now Véronique have achieved that part of their journey and it must feel wonderful. There are many others whom I know of that too have achieved that part in their journey and I would mention but I will be here all day.

My point is, if you have a DREAM IT CAN BE FULFILLED IF YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT IT. Do not make excuses why you can not have it.

FTM, the testosterone shots help achieve the male pattern that so many MTF wish to let go. The upper surgery is the easy part as I have been told, its the bottom surgery that is the hardest and with science hopefully they will be able to make a penis in the near future (that will be quite a long line).

So I am quite happy and jealous of my girl friends that have lost their tails but one day I will be able to look back at this and smile because I too will lose my ugly tail.


No my journey does not end after surgery, it only proceeds forward for I have much to complete til the end when I lay in that box at the end of my path.

Living as I am, not the gender

I don't think I ever considered my gender to be a problem, I was neither boy nor girl so if asked, I was just me. To put a title on a person who is born with both genitals is like asking if a car that is two tone is black or white.

Lately I have been reading a lot of new blogs concerning children with issues just like us, a little girl age of three stating she is a boy or a boy similar age saying he is a girl. It is truly amazing over the last decade how more and more trans people are coming out not like while I was growing up with no knowledge or groups whom I could socialize with to learn how to cope with my issue.

I wish sometimes I was trans, I believe it would be easier in many ways and this constant reminder each month reminds me I am truly different than anyone I have ever met. A male friend of mine and I were talking which I said I needed to put on my estrogen patch so not to cause any indifference in my body chemistry and he couldn't understand that if I don't maintain the estrogen that I could get awful ill again. So I simply explained it to him, which he finally grasped what I was telling him. My body isn't producing it as much as it used to so I have patches and booster shots maintaining the constant estrogen my female side needs. The problem I am having with the patches is I am allergic to the adhesive which causes a rash. So I cut the glue off and attach a bandage instead which stopped the rashes. The things I do to be just normal everyday is amazing.

These days I have to question myself when applying for work, the last thing the employer asks is whether I am a male or female or (not answer at all), which I often do because I can not answer honestly with their question. I don't think I am wrong or being difficult it is just the wording that is bad. There should be something there besides male and female but that will have to wait when society accepts that there are different genders other than the two common ones. Its not sex its gender, 89% female and 11% male how would you answer such a stupid question?

I want to say good luck with your operation Véronique, (my sis) I do love and care about you more than you know. Whether you had the surgery or not, you have always been a woman to me.

So whats new, the holidays were wonderful though I was totally broke but that didn't effect anyone's joy. My coming out 2 years ago stopped my father from calling me sis, never hear it anymore and you know what, I am glad too. He has on occasion made statements like she is here, or there she is (me) which makes me smile. Whether he is doing it as a joke or not, it makes me happy that he actually acknowledges it.

Time for me to go look for more work, wish someone would hire me even just contracting so I have a reason to get out of bed.

If this is like retirement, I never want to retire.

I have wrriten about many things

So with that said here is something that means more to me than my transition, it is who protects us so we may transition safely.



Thank you all who is still serving....