Tumor no more

On January 8, 2012 I was informed that the fight to live was over, I would not be getting my last Chemo treatment, all scans have no cancer traces in them what does that mean I inquired, you may dear are cancer free all damages healed itself no surgery is needed. Forward 24 months I had another test, cancer free. Two years of no cancer but I am fighting, the chemo caused blood clots in my left lung preventing my return to work. Also March 2013, all tests for my gender returned, medically lab tests proved I am a genetic female my birth record was changed and I am legally Shauna Elizabeth, no more hiding and fighting.

As for my health, 3 weeks ago I woke up to some heavy head aches, blackouts and dizziness beyond anything I have ever felt. Walking into walls and spinning to the drop of a pin, I went to the ER and they did a CT, was discovered, I have Brain Cancer.

The tumor is 3 CM which is the size of a walnut. I will keep you posted surgery is set for ASAP. Surgery was successful, I am home now. the tumor was growing but it was taken out. I lost my beautiful hair, I am alive and each day will prove I am one strong person no matter what gender you see. Soon I will sign up for school, I want to design clothes now.


I am now taking up graphics and computer art, I have found a passion that seem to keep me occupied learning so much which is how I got into it.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/90630700@N04/11290743086/ is a sunk ship called "Misery" it was hard for most realism which I pride because I owe that to the years in the Navy. And my Flickr for clothes https://www.flickr.com/photos/118387393@N05/

Specialties: I have sharp problem solving, communication and analytical skills. I also pay close attention to details and am able to perform multiple tasks simultaneously. Additionally, I also am able to work as part of a team with other administrators and managers, as well as fellow employees who do not have a background in computer science or technology. I strive to be the best in whatever I do even live lol.

I love life when I am allowed to enjoy it, and I will fight for mine :)

I have lived....

Like everyone we have fantastic lives, mine has been exceptionally great, I have seen and experienced some of the most extraordinary wonders anyone would have loved to experience. I have a huge bucket list that I covered.
I lived it in two souls each learning from each other, knowing what is right and what is wrong. Having illness such as cancer taught me the value of life in itself. People you meet and people you lose due to things in your past. I love everyone no matter how hateful they are, they are human and a part of the society we live in and it is challenging.
My getting brain cancer was a fluke, it didn't come from the lung cancer, it was something we all have and it was triggered maybe by not having enough rest, or pushing myself to the limits as I do all the time. I love being challenged, it is something that makes me live. I strive to be the best at whatever I do so I can teach others and then I have found the happiness I set fourth to do.

I will embark into a new journey the 29th, learn to do the basics again, walk, talk breath and push forward so I can still love all of you. My happy place is here, earth with my friends.
Don't worry about this lady, she is perfectly able to beat what is set fourth in her path, I have proved that numerous times. Challenge me and I will win, it is that way.

The next big surgery is on the list, and you all know what that is and it doesn't really matter if I get it or not, I have had it since I was born, just you can't see it, only with an Xray but it is me as a person that makes me. Not what is between my legs. 

I am Shauna, and this is who I am.

New chapter to my life.....dating a man

I had a long chat tonight with my girlfriend who lives about 700 miles away, we have been dating 2 years and with our illness's and economic issues it will be longer to be here together. I said to her how lonely I get sometimes and she said I have told you to see people, go out and satisfy that desire you have. I will always love you but you must try dating a guy so you will know whether it is for you or not. She is of course is Bi and I am thinking I am too. I know it is crazy but I do have a desire to meet a male maybe get free meals lol out of it and make friendships.

As I played Shawn all those years I was never ever alone, I dated some of the most intelligent, gorgeous women and some not so much but it was something I prided myself and now could not get a date if it killed me. I do find the men sexy, some intriguing and also I am frighten of the what if's. I am a virgin here, imagine a 50 year old virgin.

So I will have to figure out how to by pass the straight, gay and bi status like she said " I wouldn't say straight, lez, bi, polar bear, or sunshine ... but that's me, you always say your not a label, you are a woman." Just remember ... no matter what you do ... i do love you, and you best be careful.

And that I will. Here's to another new chapter in my life and bio.

A wonderful and dear friend of mine wrote a piece on SRS which was extremely moving, a natural woman seen what the process was that we must face when we decide to to go through the whole process. It isn't something as easy as getting stitches. 


Quoting from her " I just watched a 10 min time lapsed gender affirming surgery (or sex reassignment surgery) and OMG wow! It brought tears to my eyes - and not for the reasons you may think, I am a nurse after all! I am in awe of what the surgeons can do and how amazing the outcome is. I am thankful to be born a genetic female, I am thankful to have experienced many but not all of the joyful and painful milestones of being a woman. I love being a woman, I love women, I love being married to a woman. Some women see childbirth as a true mark of womanhood, I would say any woman that has this surgery earns her "stripes" also. The physical, social and spiritual aspects of "transition" is a journey to behold."


 

***I have lived my whole life of having my very own yet it can not be seen, it is behind a wall of skin and many years of emotions knowing I could have had been a total woman had nature been kind but have since grown to appreciate life more. One day the science community will make it normal and I will see what I have missed if I had missed anything at all. I long for the waking in the recovery room as so many others before me has but this isn't about having a VJJ this is about knowing mine is finally uncovered. To have known that I may have been able to give life from within always will be a sacrifice I keep but in the end it was worth it, I lived and that is worth more to me than all the battles I have fought. Small wars, things people only hear about and they were nothing but a blockage for my journey I did not prevail I pushed forward my journey will not end until my ashes are laid to rest upon the waters of the ocean. Then there I will continue in spirit to guide others.*** 

 


The video below features extremely clarifying, eye-opening, unsensationalized, medically matter-of-fact, step-by-step footage of the procedure for transforming the skin and tissues of a penis into a vagina. I think it is must-see. Of course, this is footage of graphic surgery and obviously features genitalia. So, be advised if you are too squeamish about blood and other bodily tissues. But personally, I think anyone trying to overcome default ingrained mental habits of thinking that there is an absolute difference between penises and vagina's needs to see this.
Not for the faint of heart : http://youtu.be/Y1vKT4JEcDc

Your damn right I am different too bad live with it

I wrote a piece on my life to help explain why I am unique to others, to my knowledge there is two of us in the entire world that we know of because we spoke up not to be special but to understand why we are this way. The medical world stated that 1 in every 2500 babies are born in this way each with their own chromosomes mine is a 47 XXY one particular test is to run a needle into the gonad and slice off a piece to examine. I have been under every microscope in the country, a science project for the medical field because they aren't educated enough to know how far in advance the body actually is.

I consider myself an outlaw of genders, settling as female after many years as both. Hiding under my watchful eye learning what I can to blend in and just be myself as a person. So I will share with you the piece I wrote for real life and the world.

Your damn right I am different too bad live with it

July 12, 2013 at 5:35pm

I'm aware that posting this will leave me open to all sorts of comments, but I just felt it needed to be said for my own needs. ^_^

Some of you know about me. I'm a woman with 47 XXY karyotype (sex chromosomes). I'm intersex from this as well as the fact I have one ovary and one ovotestis.

This means I have a menstrual cycle, or some form of one, that occurs once a month, sometimes twice depending on the number of days. This also means I make estrogen constantly; however, not in an exorbitant amount. But it's certainly enough to give me feminine features, they are just overshadowed by some masculine ones (i.e. penis).

In case anyone cannot follow what I'm saying down to my DNA I am male and female. I do not deny any part of me and I accept my body the way it is.

Now let me explain my gender, as I've been confronted a few times about it and have actually been threatened because my "views don't make sense." 

My gender is feminine outlaw. The key is in both words. Please stop leaving "feminine" out of it because you think I'm not female. I'll reiterate - I am male and female, 47 XXY. Outlaw may mean I don't have a named gender, or at least one no one has found yet to describe me, but please stop saying my femininity is unimportant simply because you don't feel I can possibly identify as female since I'm not only female. Not everyone is male or female.

I don't identify with my sex, so my femininity IS there, and IS plausible. I have non-functioning testicular tissue. I was born sterile so I can not reproduce no matter how many doctors I see. My female part is a blind vagina generally what happens the female do not have outer part of vagina and uterus with ovaries n tube but the cervix and vagina is not fully constructed and what I refer to as genderless because the only thing feminine about me is my body and all of my mind. I'll say it again- I am both sexes and I have chose one or the other to make someone comfortable.

I can't make anyone understand exactly, as the only people who probably can are also intersex or my physician, but please don't just assume that everyone is male or female, and that just because you can't tell right off what they are (sex-wise or gender-wise) that they even fit into the binary system. And by all means do not not think I am a cross dresser.

I use the term "outlaw" because I do not have one of your genders. My gender is not man, woman, androgyne, neutrois, etc. There is no word to describe my "particular" gender. I use the term "feminine" because if I had a choice of sexes to pick, I would've picked female. However, like I said I'm fine with who and what I am and I identify as that.

Currently there are no words to really describe the intersex experience, so this is the best way I can describe my own. I just ask that people maybe be open minded (since I'm not the only one out there) and if you give it time and enough of a read-through, what I am and why I say that's what I am will make sense.

I didn't choose what I was born as, but I've accepted it and I identify with it. In real life all I tell people is I am intersex, and if they want to know my gender I tell them it's feminine. If I'm asked, "Does that mean you want to be a woman?" I answer simply. "Yes, that was taken from me and I deserve to be who I am “

INTERSEX

I am home and it was one hell of a journey....

After battling with my family regarding what is right and what is wrong the outcome truly paid off, admitting you are wrong is the hardest possible thing for a man and my father whom I love so much could not admit that I was born different, for years he called me sis and it was for a reason. It took me 35 years to finalize with courts and state that I am a legal, clinical female my biological genes and chromosomes point to the female gene. After getting the doctor to write out the report I ran to the court house for my name and gender change, it wasn't easy, the paper trail began and it would be months before it all ended. I was determined to rectify the issue one way or another.

After the courts had all the paperwork ready I went to see the judge, now mind you I did not do anything wrong but I was so nervous going in front of the judge that I couldn't sleep for two nights (laughing), judges are the law and well, the law is sometimes scary.

Chris and I went to the court house and the judge said congratulations Ms Baggett you are now legally female the state will award you your new birth certificate.

* I cried honestly for quite a few hours that night, the pressure was off me and I won finally*

I will say it is difficult if your paperwork isn't all together and ALL legal papers are copies, forget getting your drivers license. I shuffled through paper work for almost a week, but in the end just hearing the DMV personal saying here is your new drivers license Ms, was worth the week of agony to be sure all my T's and I's were cross and dotted.

By the way this is a sample not mine because all the legal information that is on it I will not share, but you have an idea of what I have in my hands. I also have my birth record and new social security card.

Now you may be thinking my journey is completed but its not, I lived a different life prior to this and I am learning how to be a natural born female and it is harder than you think. All the years of being a male was so easy for me, I perfected how I became and now lessons are set in front of me daily.

I do not care if I stumble, I will pick myself up, brush myself off and try again.....too many years of not having what is mine will only make this journey more exciting now the world sees me for who I am.

In 2008 I came out to the world and said no more hiding it has taken another 5 years to legalize my gender and name.

Amazing the changes, how a disease like cancer and the other road blocks tried to stop me from becoming happy, I never stopped, I climbed that mountain and got over it and I hope I get the chance to help others do what people thought I would never ever achieve. I will hold your hand, push you to your limits and beyond, and you will see that beautiful light I have seen to be free.

Watch for me, I am not through I have only just begun.....................<3 br="">

Hello, Shauna is finally home

Today was an awesome day, Chris went with me to the court house to officially welcome Shauna Elizabeth home and then went out looking at prom dresses for her daughter. I am so tired but I am the happiest woman in the world. It is now legal and I am official 100% female.

No more pretending to be a male, those days are a memory but memories that will not ever be forgotten I pulled off the best acting any star would have loved to play. I did it and now I am free to be me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Hmm someone said to me, I hope being a woman brings you all the joy and peace you were seeking. I have always been a woman, I pretended to be a man, and that alone was something I took great pride is perfecting. Being who I am was never the issue, it was being recognized and that is what brought me my happiness.

We are all put here in a shell and it is up to us that have to sort it out, there is no wrong or right, it is just be happy and live your life as you wish. Humans are funny to me, I look at them with an interests because of how they react in life. 

One statement made me think that this was true is that humans are sheep, there is a leader and they do follow it...I don't fall in that category because I chose my own way, set my own goals and stand up for what is right and fight against what is wrong.

If you want something, stop what you are told to do, step back brush yourself off look around and step forward to the place you wish to be. You are are the captain of your ship, steer that ship in the right direction whether it's against the current or not, push forward and you will find the happiness, and reality that life is more than what others tell you.

From my book:
****I haven’t been comfortable in my own skin since I was a teen living with my mom. There I could be myself, I was safe and was understood and there was no conviction for my choices. Here I am worried now that people will stop caring and I will be left with uncertainly. So why do I want this so badly?
The years of hiding for something I had wanted when I was born but was afraid of what people would do or say prevented me from fulfilling my destiny.  So why do I want to be Shauna, does there have to be a specific reason? Would you like to hide your life as I did everyday for 46 years, try acting like a man when you know you are a woman? Try buying two wardrobes and keep up with the styles. I only want what I deserve; I have lived my life to its fullest as a man for people around me. I have often wondered what my life would have been like had I been her and now I won’t have to wonder anymore.

I know what it is like to be a woman, I have been one since birth even though I am in a male wrapper and have hidden from all of you, I have watched and learned what I can. It isn't easy by all means to be two people, I live two lives and one secretly out of fear.
   
To understand my path you would have to be in my shoes, some of it was exciting, some educational and mostly hidden from all to have known me.

Often I have thought of myself as a spy, or an actress because of the part I lead, it was very difficult at first and as time went on I became better at it. I would bind my chest or wear baggy shirts, baggy clothes all the time. Then I got a better idea, I became heavy because I would lose my curves and my chest wouldn't show as much and you know what? It worked!

No one could see Shauna, but in time I became more distressed and the emotional roller coaster began, I have gotten more weepy sometimes the tears started and just wouldn't stop.****

So when someone says I hope being a woman brings you all the joy and peace you were seeking. I will say, I have always been here, you just didn't recognize me and no, I was always happy, now I am happier. 

I am me :)