Halloween and the update

Happy Halloween....Its been a whole month since I last wrote. I am looking forward to my trip home, actually looking forward is putting it mildly. I am actually counting down the days and hours, isn't that sad.
When I return to Virginia, I have plans on leaving there in January and returning to Illinois but I have a couple more chemo treatments to complete. The tumor will not be removed yet because it sits too close to my spine so with that said the surgeon will not perform the needed procedure until the tumor has shrunk. The chemo doctor suggested 6 more treatments, once a month and stronger ones than before.

How will this effect me, well the last treatments made me energetic the very next day and ill on the second, so I am wondering what the new medicine will do to me. Also I lost all my hair which has since then grown back and am growing hair now on my chest and a mustache. I have never had to worry about that and something with the chemo has triggered that. More electrolysis and I will be hair free again.

Since my last treatments I had lost 48 pounds, if I had lost in the conventional way it would have been a miracle but I lost muscle too which made me look skinny and unhealthy. I have gained 15 lbs now and putting it back on with muscle, trust me when I say this is way harder than it sounds.

The trip up north will not only be refreshing but will also heighten my spirits, I miss home where my friends are, my support if you will. Being on the east coast really didn't work out for me, tried it and was highly disappointed. Also wished I had met some of my friends there, Suzanne and Breanna I am hopefully going to see as well as my favorite "anonymous female". Also supposed to meet Cosette Lee, she lives in Virginia somewhere.

If I had my way I would meet all my friends, maybe I will take a road trip soon as I get established and travel meeting everyone, that would fulfill a massive dream. My friends are so important to me, they are my support and give me reasons to fight my illness.

I am sorry for waiting so long to update this blog, and to think all I have is time. I also should be writing my book but again, the reasons are the same with my blog worrying about something I can't control and it leaves me with nothing but wasted time.

I hope you all are alright, have yourself a Happy Halloween and I will be seeing you again soon.

Time to hide, the kiddies will be here and my brother didn't buy any candy. Now thats a trick and my treat lol.

No Surprise

The pain started back in July 2010, started as a pulled nerve on the left side of my back. So I addressed it by seeing a really sweet friend of mine who massages backs for a living, her name is Suzi and she is the best for massages. So she located a deep muscle pull in my back which she couldn't reach though I always felt great after being with her and she knows I am a woman.

So when I left Illinois after losing my home (no work for 2 years)my younger brother asked me to move to Virginia. Give it a try he said, so I did. Watching my brother get drunk on a daily basis isn't my way of having fun, he does it because he is bored. I could not be this way, it isn't me.

So my back continued to hurt and seen another massage therapist in Virginia which helped a little but again the pain stayed inside. My sister inlaw suggested I see a chiropractor after I started at Dell and after 5 sessions I realized I needed to see a back surgeon, it felt like I herniated something in my back.

My visit required me to go for a MRI, something I was told I would never have since I had steel in my back already, but with the new technology I could have one again. So on to having a MRI, afterwards I was sent for a CT Scan and the news would change my life. Dr Wagner said to meet him in his office the following day, I arrived on time and was escorted to an exam room.
In there, he and his assistant looked pale, I waited and finally he said I am sorry to say this but you have a huge tumor growing on your back pressing the nerve and in your left lung.

Now my reaction was none, I looked at Dr Wagner and said, now what do we do from here. He gave me a list of 5 top doctors in the state of Virginia, 5 star doctors. Radiation and chemo was suggested and I proceeded to follow each and every session.

I wanted to live, I made fun of how cancer tried to rule my life. I was put on medication I would never ever take before but this seemed to ease the pain. Radiation started with making a casting of my body and a mask which would keep me motionless for each session. Laying on a cold table in this cast for ten minutes everyday. Each session of radiation burned my throat and my back would have 2nd degree burns when all was said and done.

During my first session of chemo my body had a reaction to the drug and my lungs failed to breath but I was given oxygen and fought for life. The first session was 5 hours long and the rest were three hours each.
Thirty three sessions of radiation and 6 chemo, my eating habits died off and I lost 48 pounds that left me skin and bones. On August 22 radiation ended with me banging a gong into right field and on the 24th chemo was no more.

I began by forcing myself to drink ensure shakes, they do taste yummy but with a burnt throat it is extremely hard to do but I needed the calories and vitamins so I pushed myself. Now I am eating better, still have some issues with foods that are crunchy and buns though it is getting better. I am slowly gaining weight, some anyhow.

Blood work was taken, I am anemic, maybe that is why I am having issues with the cold when its 87F outside and stairs worry me because I am breathless.

Was given a blood transfusion which took 9 hours to feed me the new blood, I couldn't stand without getting dizzy and my color in my face was pale, so 2 pints of blood was needed. Now with my new blood, I am able to walk up stairs without being out of breath and I have an appetite again.

Now it isn't over, it has been three weeks since my last chemo and radiation session, I have another test on the 19th to see if the cancer has been cleared but I feel awesome. Cancer is not taking my life yet, I have too many people to make happy especially the one woman who made this a better experience....Lu.

I will let you all know what the outcome is.......heaven isn't ready for me yet!!!

Where have I been???

How can I start this? The last year sure has played havoc with my health, from the urologist to the chemo doctors, wait I am getting ahead of myself.

This all started with a slight pain in my shoulder blades, I pinched a nerve or so I thought I did. Went to see a few massage therapists and a chiropractor and still the same results a constant pain. On top of that I was having pain in my right kidney which proved to be kidney stones and many to say the least. The doctor failed in 2 operations removing the stones, finally I begged that he take the stent out and with that the stones followed, no more stones.

I followed up with a spine surgeon for my back issues and he sent me in for a MRI which followed a CT Scan, and then a PET Scan, there was a problem and requested for me to see him. It was a nerve but the nerve was exposed from the tumor that had eaten the bone protecting the nerve. I have a tumor mass, the left side of my back, size of a football and very aggressive.

What followed was a consultation in which the doctor went on to explain I have Cancer. I didn't blink at all, it didn't phase me for I seem to expect it. Twenty eight years ago my mother and I spoke of this and I was ready.

He then assigns me to a 5 star team of Doctors who will work with me, I now have
a series of tests to find I have stage 3 lung cancer. Radiation will be the first of my journey, so off goes the earrings and also no hormones, I want to beat this. The radiation has burned my back and chest, my throat has a sun burn on the inside and swallowing is something I will need to learn to go slow till this is over with.

Chemo starts out bad, I had reaction which caused my breathing to go into shallow breathes, oxygen I am on and many steroids.

I am losing my hair now, big gobs are coming out so I went and had my head shaved into a crew cut this way it will be easier to up keep and not worry of losing more.

I am on many pills, 20 to be exact, two I use is for nausea which helps me eat, eating is hard because my throat is burnt but I do eat. There is another med that is called Magic Mouth Wash, it deadens the nerves in the throat so I can eat for 20 minutes then it fades away. I sleep more than I am used to but I hear that is what is helping fight this off.
My throat is constantly dry, so keeping it lubricated is such a pain in the ass. If I don't lube it, I am in constant pain and coughing is so difficult.

I have 9 more radiation treatments and 2 chemo sessions, then the doctors will see where we are, as for the mass it is shrinking and I am still fighting. It will take more than Cancer to take me from you all and if this is as strong as the devil has for me, I will be here a very long time.
Starting weight 218 lbs - now 173 lbs, I am now down to a size 10 from a 18. Is this supposed to work this way, I could have lose weight on my own.

I will keep you all up to date with my illness.

Miley Cyrus- The Climb.....sure fits me so well.

I had it all along

The hormones have given me what I always dreamed of since I was a young teen, the anatomy of a woman that never fulfilled. How could I be that boy that felt so alone inside? Where was God, when I was growing up wrong?

Why was I so different, why I could not just be like all my brothers? Why did I have to be disliked for being different? Puberty hit, and my life changed. I used to walk around as a kid with a smile on my face daily, and now you barely see that smiling boy. You saw a person who felt alone, felt unwanted and insecure about their life. My voice never changed like the other boys, my emotions towards girls never changed. I would look at my body and feel ashamed, it wasn’t me. That is not who I was. My heart would ache more, and more. Here I was a troubled boy forming a body I never wanted. Here I was going through life feeling disconnected from my body. Why was I given this nightmare?

Why God? I ask you why?

I am pain free now, as I lay here I think about how painful it was living as the wrong identity? Here I am starting to change myself into the person I dreamt of being. Here I am becoming that identity that I felt I was meant to be. Each pill helped me ease the pain of a childhood that I could never change. It helped me feel free of the burden I was about to put on my family. What was my father going to think when his oldest son, comes home as his oldest daughter? Would he abandon me, hate me as all those other people did because I was that different child? Would he see someone that meant nothing to him? Would he stop loving me? Would be embarrassed to love me? Would I break his heart because I was finally being free? Each pill that is in me, as I felt the pain erase, I felt life enter my soul, I felt like my world was starting to become complete.

Laying there on the bed, I daydream and start to remember the first time I tried to apply my mom’s makeup to my face. As I look in the mirror, I do not see the imperfections; I see something of beauty shining back at me. I see a life that is waking up to a new world. As I look at that face, I sit and wonder how will I make this life my everyday way?

How will I succeed as the person I love?

Will others love me or hate me?

As I sit and ponder, I think to myself do I want a vagina. Do I want what my sister has? Do I want what my girl friend’s have? For years, I would ponder that question.

In addition, one day I came to terms with it; I already had my vagina, God had blessed me with this thing that I looked at and enjoyed. I embraced it, because it was who I was. I felt like it was a part of my structure of being a woman.

My vagina was not like my sister’s or my girl friend’s but it was mine. I treated it as such. I felt like the true vagina was in my consciousness, it was who I was from the inside out. I did not need a huge surgery to make me have that vagina. I have had it since I was born, it has been with me, and I just had to find it! At forty-seven years on this earth, I found it, and it was there all along.

How could all these years I not know about it? It was because I was not ready for it.

I had walked in the shoes now, I felt it. I felt what God gave me, why alter it with a lot of money I did not have? Why not embrace it with love?

I lay there finding my inner vagina, my inner feminine, my inner womanhood. I know we go through life making choices and at that point, in my life I felt like it was a choice I had to do, maybe it was illegal, maybe it was pumping my body with wrongful toxins, but I was becoming this person I longed to be. I was not that boy who felt trapped and alone anymore, I was this girl that felt free to be herself.

Was not scared of what people thought of her. That pain free moment on that bed in my house was well worth it because it has brought me years of happiness.

My vagina talks to me everyday as I look in that mirror and see something unique. I see a creation of a person that God knew I could handle. I see a life that was finally whole. A beautiful amazing creation of what my vagina was meant to be... a Intersex Woman.

A Vagina, is a reference we can all take with us, it is something we can all find in our own self because we all have some inter feminine in us all.

Taking a life

Krista E
(1981-2011)
Memorial Website

Krista, I wish I had known I would have asked to help in any way I could. I attempted suicide and failed because I didn't want to hurt anyone I loved or loved me. Hearing this was tragic, we all know what it feels like to be alone. If anyone needs a shoulder or an ear please ask me I will be there to help.

Becoming a nature woman

My emotional side is catching up with me when someone makes comments and I hurl into a series of crying fits, jeez what is that all about? Looking at my future as a woman and I am so excited, maybe you don't know I have lived in both genders and I know how both have the club advantages.

Males are truly pigs I am sorry for saying that, no I am not, that gender is a class in itself. The scratching and tugging, moving their packages to re-adjust oh my god wash your ass once in awhile or wear baggier clothes to get air in there. The high five slaps when their team makes the score, come on life can be much more exciting if you participate in the real sport. Did you happen to look at your fashion guys, brown and black shoes what total 20 different pair of the same thing then the athletic shoes give me a break. Put some variety in there won't you, heck no, that would mean you would have to use some of that brain muscle and that would strain something. Then the clothes, T-shirts, dress shirts, ties and pants and the same ole style of suits god where is the different flavors? Accessories where? What a cap or a watch, once in awhile a gold chain around a neck submerged in that hairy (yuck) mess. Standing around talking about how lucky we are getting laid or making the other fellow feeling bad that he didn't get any because he didn't do it like this or that and the high five again. Men have a special bonding club, it is so unique none other is like it. The power they have over women they think they are better but really they no clue, if it wasn't for the woman with her knowledge the business would have crumbled long ago. I really hate to be critical with that but they are like cave men, and I had to associate with them because I was taught that way. Young boys are taught to not cry, brush it off stand straight and move on. Don't be a sissy be a man and so be it that is what is drilled into your head. Put down that doll, no you can not hang out with the girls you will be labeled a sissy. Trucks, cars and skinning the knee, no tears your a man now. I hated that club so much, I didn't care I was a sissy so what but I could kick your ass if you provoked me enough. I have been in a whole 3 fights, only because someone wanted to test my abilities I guess.

Yes men have a club of their own and you have to be male to be in it, I will be loosing that membership one day oh well too bad but it never changes so I could tell you about it.

The club I have always wanted to be in has been in front of my face since I was born, I am different, I am all girl which I never had a chance to smile when I received flowers or giggle like the girl I am. This is a wonderful womanhood that I missed because I was being trained to be a boy, when I should have been wearing dresses and cute socks, puppy dogs and kitties oh so cute shopping for whatever sale is going on come on lets go. I can not say he is cute because I am not that way but you sure look hot in that you bitch I wanted to wear that. Being a woman can not be compared to anything out there, it is quite special and my hormones tell that every minute of everyday. Is my nail polish right and wait no it is the wrong color for this outfit, off it comes and the right finish needs to be on and oh look at that bathing suit no way wrong color it will make me look fat wait can I have that bag instead. Damn look at all those shoes, yes I am a shoe slut I can not help it so much variety and my god I don't have enough room well get rid of that spare bedroom I need the space. No heels darn they kill my calves, those wedges are beautiful and look what they do to my butt, I got to get one of each color and style wait does that have a belt to go with that oh I need a new purse darn It need that scarf too. Oh and the clothes please don't even get me started, the accessories I need that spare bedroom made into a walk in closet, I am so happy wait is that a split end oh my and where did that pimple come from. The plucking of hair to be so perfectly beautiful just for myself not because I have to impress anyone wait is that a gray hair time to color it no more gray please. Get my attention with perfume on display, the clothes I can shop for hours and hours does this make my ass look big oh how does this fit crap I need to loose more weight darn I wanted that too.

I am so emotional lately and also being off work due to sickness sure doesn't help because it gives me time to myself too much which I really start to see the imperfections about myself. I once bought a pair of seven inch heels, what was I thinking back then, I tried oh did I ever try to walk in them and my tendons from my calves were screaming to get my feet out of those torture chambers. They sit on my shelf staring at me now, had to be a man that made that style because no woman is crazy enough to wear them. The weight I have on my body oh darn brownie I knew better but oh so delicious couldn't help myself and now I am paying for it pushups and crunches, running so many miles sweating oh how nasty sweat everywhere gawd I don't need this now, I want that skirt to fit right please no more weight.

Can't be wasting time on being a man anymore, I want to be the woman I am, the bond we have us girls and knowing what we are having in the emotional need gawd I missed that so much I guess I was always the girl and never knew it but I loved having that in me. Time to get back to work and get back to saving money, I want my body to be perfect well almost because it will never be perfect, I sure can not wait to see myself in that wedding dress just one time.

So now you have it, the difference between genders. I love being a woman more than a man for the simple reason I am proud of who I am, I am stronger than the male species though they thought I was trained to be something I am not. It is a welcoming feeling when I am in the shower shaving the sparse peach fuzz on my legs and splashing bath oil on my body because I want to be soft and pretty. I have been doing this since I was a boy, and I do cry when I scrap my knee so what that doesn't make me a sissy I am just a girl.

It isn't supposed to be like this?

Each of us go through life hoping we will be accepted by everyone, not just our friends and families but society as a whole. Many do and others don't. The sad part is we are the same people in a different wrapper though others don't see it that way. I get so upset hearing about bullying and the suicides that it leaves me angry and in tears because there is nothing I can truly do. I am just like you, I discovered something different in my life that caused me to hide my differences from the world, I learn to act as a male to satisfy my father whom I love and respect. I also hid my differences from society I believe they wouldn't understand that my body was changing into a totally different gender then the one I was portraying.

I wasn't three or seven years old when I first realized I was different, I had a great time playing with my brothers as deviant as we were. I would never trade the joy as a boy with anything it is one of my best memories, sitting here now I have an awesome grin on my face and tears in my eyes knowing I was normal for a little while of my young life. When I discovered my difference I was in the doctors office with my mother and it then was a hush situation even then mom kept it to herself but I knew something was terribly wrong for she was in tears. Mom was the greatest woman you would have ever met, she was my best friend, my teacher,my protector and my mother, I miss her so very much.
I learned later on I wasn't the boy who I was brought up to be, but mom never said your a freak or your not right, she believed god gave me a gift and with my gift I would provide happiness to whomever associated with me.
She said I was her gift from god. She and I went to the hospital and had many tests, xrays and blood work to discover I was a female 89%. Why 89%, I mean why not 100% or maybe they screwed up and I was 89% male.

I had a uterus and an ovary inside my body, also one testicle, growing breasts, even having a period then later found I was sterile not to have the pleasures of having children of my own which was devastating all in itself.

So that day forward I hid from everyone, from my brothers who meant the world to me and my being different changed the way I grew up as well. I tried very hard to ignore my father who often called me sissy or Sis, I knew I had no one to turn to, my parents divorced and my father took his boys. So on my own I tried to find someone like my mother who could help me with my situation, no one or no where could I find what I had. So at the age of 16, taking matters in my own hands, I swallowed a whole bottle of water pills and Valiums which slowly would put me out of my own desperate plea of help to rest.

Funny how I think sometimes, laying there (now after all the years I still see myself) all I thought of was hurting the people around me. I desperately called an ambulance, and begged them to save my life. I didn't want to die to hurt my family or friends.

That was such a long time ago, thirty three years ago and I still see it in my mind reminding me how lucking I really am. Fours years ago I finally took my stand in life, I came out to the world.
No more hiding, no more being frighten of anyone or anything because I was different. I wasn't different, the world was. I was unique and people needed to know who I was and by god I was announcing it to everyone. First my sister, whom was incredible standing behind me and my brothers also. My dad never understood so he never acknowledge me after that, but this was my life not his. My stepmother would accept a year later. I came out to my friends all of whom said it was a surprise but accepted me for who I was. I did a couple interviews with papers and was asked to see a movie before it went public (XXY) based on a girl just like me.

Wow many things have changed since then, I have been out but not like I wanted to be. I lost my job for 2 years, then my house, moved across states to find a home in Virginia. I started working for Dell computers in November of 2010, it would change my life before I knew it. I discovered they are a very diverse corporation and have a PRIDE organization within the company that would help me come out at work.

Waiting was the hardest part but I had waited this long, waiting a little longer wouldn't hurt. So I started wearing my earrings and my manager took notice and then my hair was highlighted and he took notice making silly remarks but jokily. He never seen it coming and I thought he did. I had told my associates whom I worked with and again everyone loved me for me,( thank you Lu and Bev) it didn't change who I was. Last Wednesday the 18th of May I sent my manager my video and an explanation of why I was sending it, he replied that he would watch it and we could talk about it on Thursday or Friday.

Thursday afternoon, I went and asked if he seen the video and he did, I asked can we talk now, I was so nervous and by the end of our conversation I was in tears. He surprised me when he said he would do everything in his power and then some to make my transition as easy as possible. I was his top engineer and I was the same person to him. I was accepted for me, the first time in my life I was free, no more hiding no more being frighten and damn the tears haven't stopped.

Even now writing this I am in tears, not for being sad, happiness really does come out in tears. All the years I have endured with a black cloud over me, I ventured forward, I blended and became the person I am today. I will miss my male self but I only wanted to be happy who I am and that is Shauna Elizabeth. My mom would be proud of me, I became the woman I think she would have expected and I never stopped making people happy.

I am after all a gift from God.


If your new to this blog or transitioning, please don't give up there is happiness on your journey trust me.

Please be seen and not heard

Intersex people are supposed to lie low and keep quiet. Not me.
I'm not defective, I'm not disordered, I'm not ashamed. I just don't fit in
your gender boxes.

I'm intersex by birth and honest by choice.

Do not treat me as whatever gender you perceive me to be.
Treat me for who I am and what I do.
Do not tell me I have to pick one or the other So you will feel better about how you think of me.
Do not tell me there are only two options.
Do not tell me my gender was decided by the doctor.
I'm sick of this dichotomous gender bull.
Gender expression can very wildly.
Do not exclude me because I don't fit in your perfect mold.
Do not make an example of me So others will be afraid to show their true selves.
Just because I am not what you expect Does not give you the right to ridicule, beat, rape, and murder me.
I have a right to live and be happy.
A right to be who I am.
by Angel Dobbs-Sciortino

The Rolling Stones

Finding issues with my body again, first the cyst in 2006, then the thumbs locking up which resolved itself after 5 months, now having blood in my urine so I am drinking Barium just before my CT scan. Girl can't cut a break, but hopefully it isn't something bad. I thought it was my hormones and told my doctor when the pain fist arrived I thought it was my hormones. After talking to her and about my Doctor being in Chicago, she prescribed me a new Trans doctor to prescribe me the correct medication without guess work.

So here I am drinking this very Berri flavored creamy substance that reminds me of what women go through with a man during foreplay, I am just thankful this is a one time experience, to do that to please someone would have to come up with a chocolate flavored cream to handle my gag reflex.

The CT scan went alright, what they found I have seven (7mm) kidney stones. They are located between kidney and the bladder so I will have to pray these things move quicker than I can move.

So in the middle of the night I will have a fever and the pain will reach a point where I know something is quite bad, while this is going on I can not walk, sit, stand or lay down and I want to go to the ER. But the pain subsides and I no longer need the ER.

My doctor put me on vicodin and flomax which expands the flow of your urine to match a firehose, the volume scared the heck out of me I thought something was broken.

On top of all of this I get Aunt Flo showing up so now I bleed on both ends, damn this girl can not cut a break.

So it has been 1 1/2 months I have had this, and maybe 1/2 more to go. All I know is that when I hear the Stones are in town, I head towards the doctor and get me some Flowmax.

Is it possible, humans are waking up...Finally?

The company I work for has gender reassignment surgery, facial and breast surgery...like these here.


SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — When Gina Duncan decided to undergo the medical treatment that would make her a woman, she had plenty to fear. The reactions of her children, her professional colleagues and friends. How her body would respond to hours on the operating table. If, at the end of it, she would look female enough so strangers wouldn't gawk.

What the Orlando mortgage banker didn't have to be anxious about was how she would pay for two of her surgeries. Her employer of 10 years, Wells Fargo, included breast augmentation and genital reconstruction as coverable expenses under its employee health plan. Duncan was told the San Francisco-based bank already had had 16 other employees transition to new genders and assigned a benefits specialist to walk her through the process.

"They had a template in place, and it was surprisingly supporting and mentally encouraging," said Duncan, 55, who four years later still works for Wells Fargo. "So much of what I'd heard involved people who ended up losing their job, losing their family, losing their friends, becoming destitute."

With little fanfare, more and more large corporations, including Coca-Cola, Campbell Soup and Walt Disney, have expanded their insurance coverage to meet the needs of transgender workers. The trend follows a concerted push by transgender rights advocates to get employers and insurers to see sex reassignment the way the American Medical Association does — as a medically indicated rather than an optional procedure.

"We understand people simply get appendicitis, and it is something our community deals with through insurance," said Andre Wilson, who counsels companies on transgender issues as a senior consultant with San Francisco-based Jamison Green & Associates. "That's what we need to understand about transsexualism. Not everybody will be diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder, and in fact, few people will be. But the people who are diagnosed with it really need treatment."

Among the corporations providing transgender-inclusive health benefits are some leading Wall Street and Main Street brands.

American Express, Kraft Foods, AT&T, Yahoo!, Eastman Kodak, Sears, Morgan Stanley, Price Waterhouse, General Motors and State Farm are among 85 large businesses and law firms that cover the cost of at least one surgery, according to a 2010 survey by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights group.

The number is expected to spike this year, when HRC adds availability of surgery-inclusive medical benefits for transgender employees or transgender dependents to the criteria in its annual corporate diversity report card.

To maintain the coveted 100 percent rating when the next Corporate Equality Index is published in the fall, companies will have to offer at least one insurance plan that covers at least $75,000 worth of surgery and other treatments recommended by a patient's doctor.

"A lot of people are pretty surprised that alongside the cosmetic and experimental treatments that are excluded from mainstream plans, you can see very broad exclusions related to transgender care," said Deena Fidas, associate director of HRC's Workplace Project. "In raising the bar...we are addressing the root cause of the problem."

Stephanie Battaglino, an assistant vice president at New York Life Insurance, has been working with a senior executive at her company to add transgender health benefits to the employee insurance plan. Battaglino, 52, started her transition five years ago, becoming the first New York Life employee to do so openly. To finance her surgeries, which were on a list of procedures not covered by insurance, she borrowed from her 401(k) account.

"I've often said to friends, 'My transition at work went really, really smoothly, and if I had to do it again, the only thing I would change would be if I had my surgery covered,'" she said. "To know it was covered and completely reimbursed would have cast everything in a much different light."

New York Life has been open to the changes and expects to have the expanded coverage in place soon, Battaglino said. But that doesn't mean the learning curve has been easy to negotiate.

The company initially was uncomfortable agreeing to $75,000 of allowable coverage, she said. But she said that concern was alleviated when it was explained that only two or three employees would likely need the benefits.

"The big misconception is we are going to go broke and all these transgender people are going to come out of the woodwork asking for gender reassignment surgery," she said.

Once she was diagnosed and decided to seek treatment two years ago, Sara Schnorr, a partner in the Boston law firm of Edwards Angell Palmer & Dodge, "poked around" to see if another firm already paid for sex reassignment as part of its group health insurance.

"When you go to work every day, if you are gay or lesbian, you look no different," Schnorr said. "But if you are transgender, you have to make some pretty big changes to your physical appearance. It's not really like you can be stealth about it."

Schnorr decided to stay with the firm where she had worked for 31 years and to come out to her partners. Before she went on leave for her first surgery, which would feminize her facial features, they agreed to secure a rider to the firm's insurance policy that would allow her to be reimbursed for at least genital reconstruction and breast augmentation.

"I was ecstatic," she said. "For me, this is yet another example of how human this law firm is in wanting to take care of its employees."

Some businesses see covering the cost of transgender surgery as not only an important human resources statement, but good business sense.

"Wells Fargo elected to offer this benefit to be competitive as an employer and also to support our comprehensive corporate commitment to diversity," company spokesman Mary Eshet said.

Joanne Herman, the author of "Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not," said both corporate America and insurers need to understand that genital surgery is not the be-all and end-all in making a person's appearance match the way he or she feels inside.

For men becoming women, undergoing facial reconstruction may be even more important because it will affect how they are perceived and treated in public, Herman said. The same is true for female-to-male transsexuals and breast surgery. Yet standard insurance plans typically dismiss both as cosmetic, even though people with untreated Gender Identity Disorder are at high risk of suicide and those who get treatment become better workers.

"If you are transsexual, living as anything other than that is a very bleak experience. It's amazing how much happier I am, how much more productive, social and involved I am as Joanne," she said.



Read more: http://www.timesunion.com/news/article/More-US-companies-covering-transgender-surgery-1023524.php#ixzz1Ed21YpmQ

Pinched!!

October 2010
Waking up one day I feel a terrible pain in my left breast and left arm, it starts in the shoulder and works its way down to my wrist. What caused that I wonder, its a dull ache but its an ache I do not need, I also notice I have no strength in my grip will need to see a doctor for this.

Let me backup, I moved from Chicago to Virginia which caused me to shift my vertebra to move to the left 100ths of and inch, not much really just enough to have to use more of my right side to correct the left. My posture is way off and like an idiot, I wait till I get back to Chicago three months later to be re aligned (lol).

With that going on I also noticed I have pain in my thumbs, the intense pain comes from bending the joint which causes it to lock in place and it takes every once of energy to unlock them because the pain is so extreme it will leave me in tears. So again I need to see a doctor, but wait I am not working so I have no insurance, oh well I will live with it.

Fast forward...

Here it is February 2011, and I have been working since November, I have great insurance and am still dealing with my locking thumbs, I have had two doctors look at them and not knowing what to do. I think it is time for a specialist since my thumbs do involve my work.

As for my back, it was a pinched nerve controlling my left side, one vertebra off 100ths of an inch to cause such a extreme amount of discomfort and one day no walking because I was bent over in such a way it was difficult to walk (it was a Saturday, Thank God).

So I am seeing a chiropractor three times a week and the pain is finally leaving me, he has worked on my muscles to loosen them up to stop them from pulling that vertebra away.

Ice is applied for 20 minutes, 30 minutes without ice to warm it up, then reapply the ice for 20 minutes, like a pumping action to bring new blood in the effected area.

So now I am able to stand straight without pain. Also with my thumbs stuck the way they are I can hitch hike so easily now, my thumbs never tire since they don't bend.

What is normal?

I have been asked what it is like to be me, what I have overcame in my life, what was it like to grow up and all I can say was "normal". How can I put into words what I have never experienced, the average child does have the name calling or harassment as I did so was there some difference?

To be honest I pretended to be a normal boy for fear that someone would find out the real me and god forbid do something awful to me for being different. My family and friends are my life line, they have stood by me all my life and I do not know what life would have been without them.

I was different than my brothers, not as strong, not a fighter but they loved me for who I was. I didn't have to fear of anyone ever threatening me not until I grew older and moved on.

Whats it like to be a boy with a period? A young male going through puberty never having a voice change or ever growing hair in places your brothers had? How about having budding breasts, not knowing what was developing inside. My mother knew, she argued with school officials and won, I would never attend PE again.

I have never asked for anyone to ever feel sorry for me, I made my life what it is today. My gender has always been in the middle, I am female all the time though having the male exterior sure pays off too.

I remember a time dating this girl, she had me dress up like a girl for Halloween and attend a party where guys thought I was the real deal, she was so upset we talked about the situation cause it seemed she was dating a girl. I never was allowed to dress up again for Halloween...I passed for female.

My trans friends think its wonderful to be me, maybe but its not when my uterus had a cyst on it, I became deathly ill refusing medical attention because of embarrassment.
When I had a lump in my left breast only to find it was a harden milk duct, scared me to think I had cancer and it hurt like hell. Having a menstrual cycle without a vagina has to be the most dirty thing to deal with a damn those cramps that go with it. Try explaining that to your friends?

All this would have been easier had my mother been alive, she would have taught me to be a woman but I lived in the shadows learning all I knew from watching others and reading in the library.

Now what is normal I ask, because I will never know but I will tell you I am happy, I am free to be anything I want to be and any gender because I can.

Someday I will have a normal life as a full time female though right now I am just enjoying me.

Good Read, and an update (small one)

Today I received really wonderful news, all my trans health are covered by my insurance including breast enhancement, Facial surgery, hormones and gender reassignment. So I am on a high. The company also granted my request for a company blackberry so instead of the blackberry I get to choose which ever phone I will use.

My manager gave me a performance review and it was great all down the line, it seems everyone loves my attitude and I make everyone positive when I walk in a room.

I was reading a story from another blog which really touch me, so I will share it with you as well, I believe you too will like it.

Transgender

Soon my body will finally match my mind, but I have always been a woman just in a different wrapper.

New Year and the journey continues

Its not an easy journey but it is recommended to fulfill who I am, many things have blocked my path, hurdles of everyday life but I always find ways to get around them. I am getting older now, I feel it everyday but that will not stop who I am or what I desire to be. I am a strong woman in this crazy form, both male and female.

Often I sit and wonder if the world will accept me, I mean like I am now and they do, but to change this image as they see now, what will they do? Will I be an outcast? Will I be laughed at made fun of, it doesn't really matter I have been teased before. I am stronger now, so much stronger.

So as the year starts, my mission also continues, back on hormones and saving for my SRS, SRS will not make me a woman, it is a goal that I set. The woman is me, who I am and have been all these years. Besides a bathing suit will look better on me lol.

Will start therapy again too, I love talking to someone to help me be me, without the second person I am just talking to myself and besides I do need a second recommendation :)

So onward, the path is long and it will never end, there is lots to see and experience along it but that is why its there, its my path and I will follow it.

See I am smiling again.....Ear2Ear