A wonderful and dear friend of mine wrote a piece on SRS which was extremely moving, a natural woman seen what the process was that we must face when we decide to to go through the whole process. It isn't something as easy as getting stitches. 


Quoting from her " I just watched a 10 min time lapsed gender affirming surgery (or sex reassignment surgery) and OMG wow! It brought tears to my eyes - and not for the reasons you may think, I am a nurse after all! I am in awe of what the surgeons can do and how amazing the outcome is. I am thankful to be born a genetic female, I am thankful to have experienced many but not all of the joyful and painful milestones of being a woman. I love being a woman, I love women, I love being married to a woman. Some women see childbirth as a true mark of womanhood, I would say any woman that has this surgery earns her "stripes" also. The physical, social and spiritual aspects of "transition" is a journey to behold."


 

***I have lived my whole life of having my very own yet it can not be seen, it is behind a wall of skin and many years of emotions knowing I could have had been a total woman had nature been kind but have since grown to appreciate life more. One day the science community will make it normal and I will see what I have missed if I had missed anything at all. I long for the waking in the recovery room as so many others before me has but this isn't about having a VJJ this is about knowing mine is finally uncovered. To have known that I may have been able to give life from within always will be a sacrifice I keep but in the end it was worth it, I lived and that is worth more to me than all the battles I have fought. Small wars, things people only hear about and they were nothing but a blockage for my journey I did not prevail I pushed forward my journey will not end until my ashes are laid to rest upon the waters of the ocean. Then there I will continue in spirit to guide others.*** 

 


The video below features extremely clarifying, eye-opening, unsensationalized, medically matter-of-fact, step-by-step footage of the procedure for transforming the skin and tissues of a penis into a vagina. I think it is must-see. Of course, this is footage of graphic surgery and obviously features genitalia. So, be advised if you are too squeamish about blood and other bodily tissues. But personally, I think anyone trying to overcome default ingrained mental habits of thinking that there is an absolute difference between penises and vagina's needs to see this.
Not for the faint of heart : http://youtu.be/Y1vKT4JEcDc

I am home and it was one hell of a journey....

After battling with my family regarding what is right and what is wrong the outcome truly paid off, admitting you are wrong is the hardest possible thing for a man and my father whom I love so much could not admit that I was born different, for years he called me sis and it was for a reason. It took me 35 years to finalize with courts and state that I am a legal, clinical female my biological genes and chromosomes point to the female gene. After getting the doctor to write out the report I ran to the court house for my name and gender change, it wasn't easy, the paper trail began and it would be months before it all ended. I was determined to rectify the issue one way or another.

After the courts had all the paperwork ready I went to see the judge, now mind you I did not do anything wrong but I was so nervous going in front of the judge that I couldn't sleep for two nights (laughing), judges are the law and well, the law is sometimes scary.

Chris and I went to the court house and the judge said congratulations Ms Baggett you are now legally female the state will award you your new birth certificate.

* I cried honestly for quite a few hours that night, the pressure was off me and I won finally*

I will say it is difficult if your paperwork isn't all together and ALL legal papers are copies, forget getting your drivers license. I shuffled through paper work for almost a week, but in the end just hearing the DMV personal saying here is your new drivers license Ms, was worth the week of agony to be sure all my T's and I's were cross and dotted.

By the way this is a sample not mine because all the legal information that is on it I will not share, but you have an idea of what I have in my hands. I also have my birth record and new social security card.

Now you may be thinking my journey is completed but its not, I lived a different life prior to this and I am learning how to be a natural born female and it is harder than you think. All the years of being a male was so easy for me, I perfected how I became and now lessons are set in front of me daily.

I do not care if I stumble, I will pick myself up, brush myself off and try again.....too many years of not having what is mine will only make this journey more exciting now the world sees me for who I am.

In 2008 I came out to the world and said no more hiding it has taken another 5 years to legalize my gender and name.

Amazing the changes, how a disease like cancer and the other road blocks tried to stop me from becoming happy, I never stopped, I climbed that mountain and got over it and I hope I get the chance to help others do what people thought I would never ever achieve. I will hold your hand, push you to your limits and beyond, and you will see that beautiful light I have seen to be free.

Watch for me, I am not through I have only just begun.....................<3 br="">

Hello, Shauna is finally home

Today was an awesome day, Chris went with me to the court house to officially welcome Shauna Elizabeth home and then went out looking at prom dresses for her daughter. I am so tired but I am the happiest woman in the world. It is now legal and I am official 100% female.

No more pretending to be a male, those days are a memory but memories that will not ever be forgotten I pulled off the best acting any star would have loved to play. I did it and now I am free to be me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Hmm someone said to me, I hope being a woman brings you all the joy and peace you were seeking. I have always been a woman, I pretended to be a man, and that alone was something I took great pride is perfecting. Being who I am was never the issue, it was being recognized and that is what brought me my happiness.

We are all put here in a shell and it is up to us that have to sort it out, there is no wrong or right, it is just be happy and live your life as you wish. Humans are funny to me, I look at them with an interests because of how they react in life. 

One statement made me think that this was true is that humans are sheep, there is a leader and they do follow it...I don't fall in that category because I chose my own way, set my own goals and stand up for what is right and fight against what is wrong.

If you want something, stop what you are told to do, step back brush yourself off look around and step forward to the place you wish to be. You are are the captain of your ship, steer that ship in the right direction whether it's against the current or not, push forward and you will find the happiness, and reality that life is more than what others tell you.

From my book:
****I haven’t been comfortable in my own skin since I was a teen living with my mom. There I could be myself, I was safe and was understood and there was no conviction for my choices. Here I am worried now that people will stop caring and I will be left with uncertainly. So why do I want this so badly?
The years of hiding for something I had wanted when I was born but was afraid of what people would do or say prevented me from fulfilling my destiny.  So why do I want to be Shauna, does there have to be a specific reason? Would you like to hide your life as I did everyday for 46 years, try acting like a man when you know you are a woman? Try buying two wardrobes and keep up with the styles. I only want what I deserve; I have lived my life to its fullest as a man for people around me. I have often wondered what my life would have been like had I been her and now I won’t have to wonder anymore.

I know what it is like to be a woman, I have been one since birth even though I am in a male wrapper and have hidden from all of you, I have watched and learned what I can. It isn't easy by all means to be two people, I live two lives and one secretly out of fear.
   
To understand my path you would have to be in my shoes, some of it was exciting, some educational and mostly hidden from all to have known me.

Often I have thought of myself as a spy, or an actress because of the part I lead, it was very difficult at first and as time went on I became better at it. I would bind my chest or wear baggy shirts, baggy clothes all the time. Then I got a better idea, I became heavy because I would lose my curves and my chest wouldn't show as much and you know what? It worked!

No one could see Shauna, but in time I became more distressed and the emotional roller coaster began, I have gotten more weepy sometimes the tears started and just wouldn't stop.****

So when someone says I hope being a woman brings you all the joy and peace you were seeking. I will say, I have always been here, you just didn't recognize me and no, I was always happy, now I am happier. 

I am me :)

I love every creature..even if they don't love me

Gender expression is something we ALL do, even straight macho males driving big trucks to dainty ladies with small green type cars. We socialize yet the hate is so strong that it is frightening. I found a wonderful video that expresses how we all should look upon haters.



Humans are the most least forgiving creature god created, animals get along with one another yet when some person looks or acts different either they are ridiculed or worse beaten.

I would love to live somewhere where we all get along no matter what we look like, that video even showed down syndrome people which is another birth defect yet there are haters for them as well. Life is only as good as your surroundings and to think haters are all around us, so to them f_ck you very much.

Silly side of life

This is a recap that has been happening. In secondlife, I bought an island with the ocean on 2 sides, a river separating the land and mountains in the back of the island. On this island sits a castle with 12 rooms, 8 of which are bedrooms and of course a dungeon. The living space is huge, if you aren't careful you could get lost in this place.

Shauna had her baby and she is absolutely beautiful. She has a full head of hair and is a very happy baby. Shauna had a regular delivery which a drug to maintain the pain which to me didn't kick in till the baby was delivered. I now have a 6lbs 3 oz baby girl whom has brought me even more joy than I had. With that said, changing a diaper isn't the most pleasant thing in the world its better than being a dog or cat and clean the baby afterward which I could never do to begin with.

In real life, I was doing a side contract which was fairly easy for a doctor and his wife, they paid me for the work I submitted on an invoice and then I would start another project and so on. Well the doctors wife whom isn't the brightest marble in the bag thought she could help by making my job harder by upsetting the network and having me repair what she broke and telling her husband that I messed everything up. It was getting so bad that I couldn't even talk with him since he was out of the office and the marble was whom I was answering to. Well the last invoice I submitted he called me on the phone, basically began to chew my butt out for god knows what and refused to pay me the $700.00 that he owned. Said if you want your money, contact your attorney. Now usually I would bring his network down by crashing it for goods not rendered but he can thank the estrogen that courses through my body which has dampered any meanness I had left. So now I am back to worrying about all the bills and the depression sets back in.

So there it is, a recap on Secondlife and real life. Maybe this month will not only bring showers but possibly a new job as well. Until next time, may the flowers in your garden be prettier than the doctors wife.

Shauna and her Interview

I linked this interview back in September, and what made me want to post it again is how Interviews with the newspapers and media are different in their questioning.

“Mask,” “cocoon,” “closet” . . . all are metaphors to describe how we choose to hide ourselves before coming out and being free to be ourselves. On this National Coming Out Day, October 11, one Brookfield area resident will be able to celebrate being free for the first time after over 35 years of hiding in a physiological cocoon.

At the age of 11, with pains in his chest, Shawn went to the doctor. The diagnosis, not unusual for a pre-teen, was puberty. What was unusual was that chest pains (also known as breast tenderness) are a common symptom for puberty in girls. The doctor confirmed his diagnosis in an x-ray that revealed an ovary and a partial uterus (hidden within Shawn’s clearly male exterior) and in blood tests that showed lower than normal levels of testosterone in Shawn’s blood.

The information made a lot of sense and explained why Shawn was so different from his brothers: less competitive, less aggressive. Shawn had even earned the nickname “Sis” from his father because he was reluctant to fight. Even so, in fearing for his safety, Shawn and his mother decided that they needed to hide his feminine side from the world. Shawn would continue to hide for 35 years, until April, 2008, when Shawn came out to his family and to the world as Shauna.

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to meet Shauna at George’s for breakfast. During our meal together, she talked openly about her life, the process of coming to accept herself, coming out, and the journey ahead of her. She has led a complex life where even the question “What is your name?” does not have a simple answer.

Q: Name?
A: My legal name for now is Shawn. Shauna Elizabeth will be my name in April.

Q: Age?
A: 47.

Q: Where did you grow up?
A: Brookfield.

Q: How long have you been in Brookfield and the Chicago area?
A: 35 years I believe.

Q: What were some early indications of your being transgender?
A: As others can, I cannot say that I was born in a male body and have a female mind. I do have an 89% female and 11% male body, and the same goes for my soul. How can someone with one ovary, one testis, and a partial uterus be classified in female and male gender roles? I have no answer for that. I am an intersex person, and that is all I know.

Q: After the medical appointment that resulted in the discovery of your ovary and uterus, how did you decide to continue identifying and dressing as a male?
A: I was 11 years old, and being a boy was all that I knew. Also, my mother believed that I would be safer if I never told anyone about my intersex. She was right. I was more effeminate than I was manly, but I tried to hide that the best I possibly could so as not to be beaten or worse.

Q: When did you come out?
A: April 8, 2008.

Q: At what age?
A: 46.

Q: What support systems do you have/have you had?
A: I have a wonderful family, which includes my sister and three brothers. My friends, who are in the hundreds, have sent me e-mails and expressed their utmost happiness at being friends with someone like myself. Even though my outside appearance will change, it is the person on the inside with whom they will always be friends.

Q: Are there organizations in the area specifically for transgender individuals?
A: There are so many: Tri-Ess, CGS, Island Girls, Transend, Transitions from the Inside Out. These are for transgender people. And then I also belong to OII (http://www.intersexualite.org), Bodies Like Ours (http://www.bodieslikeours.org), and AIS (http://www.aissg.org). I belong to about nine or so different organizations ranging from intersex to transgender to LGBT groups.

Q: 35 years is a long time to be in the closet. Did you want to come out and embrace your female side previously?
A: I have wanted to change a couple times in my life, but each time I talked myself out of it. It is so confusing at times because there were times in my life when everything was working out. I’ve learned that to be intersex isn’t a sexual mishap. My gender is balanced between the female and male sides. I just think I will be much happier with my female gender.

Q: Do you have a significant other?
A: No, I have been divorced now for eight years.

Q: What are some problems and issues specific to the transgender/intersex community?
A: There is not enough help or enough ways of finding help.

Q: How can OPALGA help or what can we do to raise awareness of intersex and transgender issues?
A: I am so new to this. Can we work together on this? I think mostly it is making children and teens aware that there are people like us to help them. I was hidden for 35 years because no one was there for me. I don’t wish to see anyone live that kind of life.

One evening in April, 2008, Shawn dressed up as Shauna and went out for the first time. Her blog describes the anxiety and excitement of coming out as herself, of being Shauna for the first time in public after over 35 years of hiding as a man.

Shauna writes, “I felt more comfortable tonight than I have in 46 years. As it washes over me, I now know where I belong. Being Shauna has given me more happiness than anything I have ever felt or had before.”

We all want to be comfortable and to be accepted as ourselves. National Coming Out Day is a chance for us to celebrate who we really are. While many intersex individuals remain conflicted and in hiding, this year, October 11 will hold a special significance for one Brookfield resident. Congratulations, Ms. Shauna B, and we wish you well!


Posted by Empower on 09/01/08
Category OPALGA News • (0) Comments

Pregnancy - Is it possible

In a world not too many people know of I am a true woman, I am beautiful, petite, Japanese, a body to die for and I am comfortable. I know hundreds of people, all friends I have met along my journey, and here I can have anything without fear of violence and jobs are plenty.

This place is called Second Life, my home away from home. I have many friends and I have a place of my own but the one thing I wanted more than anything is in my tummy, this little thing is something I would never be able to have here in the real world. I get emotional when I talk about it because it does feel real there, I am pregnant about two months and it is a wonderful feeling and an emotional trip. This thing called life which involves so many different levels of maturity and femininity, one of mine is to be carrying a child. I have always wanted that little bundle of joy, feeling her move within my tummy. Hearing her heartbeat and seeing images in digital of something I made with love. I can not make a child in RL (real life) or bear a child as a male or female, that option I never received. Her little fingers so precious and toes, 5 of each, perfect arms and perfect hair, sweet smile and the goo goo look.

Second Life has given me the best 2 presents in the world becoming pregnant and my sweet Twgrlz.

" She will be Shauna from the beginning without the pain I had to endure to become the Shauna I am today."


I also have a gorgeous girlfriend, she too is my world for which I breathe, her name there is twgrlz, my M. To see us together and her fussing with my activities you would think we were married, here we equal.

There is no right or wrong everyone is equal, where transgender is as common as the rest of the race. This is where I will be the mother I want to be, bring up our baby with no worries and live happy and free. Learning all the aspects of what it is to become a mother and being careful as not to jump off a building for fear of breaking something.

So as time progresses I will give an update to all of you... how the baby and I are.


*** Follow-ups:

01/29/2008 I bought a beautiful crib for my little Shauna, she will definitely be a little princess. She now has a godfather whom is a friend of mine, call him A, he was the one who took me to the wedding of one of my girl friends in SL. And I am waiting for a response of the godmother whom is the girlfriend of my ex Mistress. My clothes no longer fit correctly, have bought many different types of maternity wear, ahh much better. Anyhow I will keep you posted of changes.

02/05/2008 The baby is doing well, as for me I am noticing swelling in my ankles and a back ache. I am now 4 months pregnant and she is the best thing to happen to me.

02/07/2009 I did something awful that is hurting me in real life, I fell in love with my wife in SL which is a no no. Also we had a argument and I said some things which I know may have hurt her. I am so sad, and want this to end. I want to be happy again......

02/16/2009 Today marks 5 months pregnant and there is a big change, she is kicking now letting me know she is there {smiles} and I have new pictures I will post. I am no longer married, she dissolved the marriage because we are so alike that we could never agree on anything. Tw said it wasn't anyones fault why it didn't work, it is better if we were friends instead. I learn so much in my virtual world compared to the real deal which is so boring.

how common are we to you

I was reading this morning as I always do which keeps me up to date with the happenings of our growing community. A story which involved a young Indian girl who tried committing suicide because she was different. We all are different more so than others but she has Intersex. Reading that story unleashed a mess of emotions that I cried for a very long time as the pools of tears swelled up and wondered why people have to be mean to us, why? The story is on a site I go to because I have it too, http://intersexnews.blogspot.com/2009/01/punishing-difference.html, why it is that we as the human species can not get along with other boggles me. She is the female version of me, we have the same chromosomes and Ovetestes, we share the testosterone difference that is rejected.

All I would like to know is why, why we are subjected to ridicule all the time. A child with downs syndrome isn't put to shame, a person who is blinded at birth never hears the words we hear, so what difference? What is it that makes people stop and stare, whisper ugly words because we are Intersex. Do you think we wanted to be born this way?

INTERSEX and the different types

Not XX and not XY 1 in 1,666 births
Klinefelter (XXY) 1 in 1,000 births

Androgen insensitivity syndrome 1 in 13,000 births

Partial androgen insensitivity syndrome 1 in 130,000 births

Classical congenital adrenal hyperplasia 1 in 13,000 births

Late onset adrenal hyperplasia 1 in 66 individuals

Vaginal agenesis 1 in 6,000 births (1)

Ovotestes 1 in 83,000 births

Idiopathic (no discernible medical cause) 1 in 110,000 births

Iatrogenic (caused by medical treatment,

for instance progestin administered to pregnant mother) no estimate

5 alpha reductase deficiency no estimate

Mixed gonadal dysgenesis no estimate

Complete gonadal dysgenesis 1 in 150,000 births

Hypospadias (urethral opening in perineum or along penile shaft) 1 in 2,000 births

Hypospadias (urethral opening between corona and tip of glans penis) 1 in 770 births

Total number of people whose bodies differ from standard male or female 1 in100 births

Total number of people receiving surgery to "normalize" genital appearance 1 or 2 in 1,000 births


I see now after all these years why my mother kept me a secret.