A purse.......the anxiety

Not the woman I am today, oh my god a simple purse gave me anxiety attacks. The only reason why something so small was I never carried a wallet as a man, I kept a clutch purse or wallet in my glove box. The boots or shoes never phased me because it is natural for me to wear different shoes. To carry a handbag or shoulder bag I was frighten beyond compare, I would leave it in my truck so no one would see it, after all was I a woman?

I had an experience today that I never had before, after doing it I was frighten yet for no reason. I walked into a strange restaurant with a scrunchy on my head pulling my hair back, I was working and in my boots my jeans tucked inside. Now mind you, I didn't think about how I looked with no makeup and not one person gave me a second look. Were they looking at a woman or maybe I was a feminine man who knew and who cared.

Does it matter, probably not because no one said anything. I fit in as society let me with no questions asked. It is funny how anxiety plays a key in this transition, afraid of being discovered but should I, I don't think so but like everything it is the first step to get over.

Here it is a week later, and I got over the anxiety and it is easier now. Also I haven't a clue why I haven't carried one it is so useful, better than pockets and so much better than a clutch purse. I don't leave the house without it because it has everything I need in it. I am thankful for my brothers and sister emphasizing me to get a purse. Now on to getting the purses I would love to have and not Coach or Prada, but by god my shoes need to match. *giggles*

Shauna, where are you?

Welcome to my blog for those who are new and for my followers, this is my first post for March by god it was a slow month in February thanks to SecondLife that game is so addicting.

My transition is the only thing on course, without employment insurance my operation will be on hold but my bi monthly injections will continue. I paid for all my medical in advance and am thankful for it too. I have 5 months left in estrogen and spiro to continue with the proestrogen was taken away it was giving me too much main in my chest development.

So whats new, nothing really am not able to find a job anywhere and that is upsetting since I am a network engineer but I am surviving only because of side work which helps pay the bills but not the mortgage. I charge the least but it still doesn't bring in enough clients because we are in a recession thanks to a mighty stupid man who really screwed this country up. This recession is so depressing I wish things would pick up, in my neighborhood six house are in foreclosure because people aren't working and they can not pay the bills without work. I have even thought of moving to another state but it is happening everywhere, no work.

***What is happening with secondlife, Shauna is nine months pregnant with two weeks left, the baby will finally arrive. I purchased a small island and had a girl friend build a castle on it. It is truly beautiful with water and mountains all around it. Secondlife is addicting in a way but it also provides me a path to get away from my depression and I also learned to type faster since I talk with my fingers and not my mouth. Now with 380 friends throughout the world, secondlife has given me my enjoyment.***

As for health, 4 weeks ago I passed a kidney stone that was huge but nothing compared to the one I am trying to pass now, it is stuck in the uretha but it isn't as painful as the others in the past. Only because it is stuck and once is dislodges all hell will break loose LOL. So that is what is happening here in my life.

My hair is so much longer now, my bangs are on my chin so I have to have it styled somehow so it looks nice and manageable because the way it is now, I am tempted to shave my head.

It is almost one year since I announced my difference in the world. So much has happened since that day, my friends are still with me but not like with my male side. I have done speakings and an interview for a newspaper. My shoe collection has come to a hold till I am working again but I have 200+ shoes, the secret to buying shoes is get the style you like at a fantastic price and purchase 3 pair red, white, and black because you will regret it when you wear an outfit and it calls for those colors. I also only have two purses, someday I will get something different but I really like the shoulder purse and I wish I had used it in my past, the storage is fantastic. My pockets could never carry all of that.

Ok that is it for the month of March and I am so sorry for not keeping up with this blog, being depressed sure doesn't help and I am hopefully waiting to go back to work. Until next time I hope you all are healthy and happy.

Love you all very much
Shauna