Starting Over Again

As some of you know I have been fighting to get back to work, it has been 16 months since I had a paying job. Without work the bills are extremely hard to pay for and on top of it all, my mortgage fell into a foreclosure which they sold the house, I couldn't even fight for it for I had no monies to back me up.

I received a noticed yesterday from FedEx from some lawyers that are representing the real estate company, they want to assist me on finding a new place to live. I think they want to TRY to sell my house but the market is dead now no one is selling in this neighborhood.

I will miss this place, I had invested about $60,000 into it and the memories here have been good. I will try and find something later that in one level and setup nicer than my small kitchen, the counter here is only 2 feet long of working space which when I do cook I am preparing and washing dishes at the same time to make space.

So I am now looking for an apartment or room with someone to spare the cost of rent, this way I could save for the things I have been wanting like surgeries and maybe a mobile home which is all I really need. I will miss the house but this place is too big for me, the size is perfect for a family not a single person and it is so lonely here.

Another thing which may sound weird is I am glad to finally be moving away from my dad and his wife, I have supported them in every new technology item on the market. Stepmom had dialup when I moved in so I gave her DSL for 8 years free of charge but when I lost my income she finally decided to help. Also gave my father Directv and again when the payments weren't getting paid they threaten to cut it off, so my dad got his own service and shunned me from his service. It gets better, every time her PC, Directv and VCR needs service they call me. No more, I get tired of being used.


Once I came out of the closet all family activities weren't mentioned around me, I had to inquire what was going on and if I was invited. So this is a blessing, my dad will be 76 this Sunday and he will have no one to pick on or help him with the things others have to do for him. My brothers live in different places in the US and the youngest lives about 40 miles away and never comes over.

Nice family huh? Who needs that kind of support?

I will get through this and brush myself off which I have done two other times in my life. Starting over is rough, but it can be done. This time I have a list of goals to complete in order to be satisfied in my life. One major goal is my womanhood to be fulfilled and I will start saving as soon as possible. The other is school and getting another place of my own.

I think I will start dating again once I start working, I miss the special attention I once had with someone so its time, it has been 4 years since I dated anyone. I miss everything about having someone, the love, the disagreements and making up. tired of listening to a TV set on to pretend someone is here, want to hear her voice again.

This is my situation, you all have been reading about and my journey never ended just stalled for a bit.

Soon I will be living in a new place and my life will have a new light in it, I will be working hard for it too. Love you all so much, if you want to talk email me I will always be there for you.

Where have you been..

As I sit here preparing to type the first real post in a month I can't believe that SecondLife had me so engrossed that I forgot to post. What is happening in my life.

First off my hair is so much longer that when I brush it it fluffs out and is so beautiful. The employment situation is null I wish I could find a job so at least pay my bills, but thankfully I have some side work that helps.

I have been working for this doctor which will provide him to the 21st century when it comes to technology. His present equipment is 6 years old and just getting by.

My health is good except I had another bleeding spell yesterday morning, which I called the hospital and they suggested that if it does it again to come right in, there wasn't any pain just blood and it isn't my cycle yet.

Today we are experiencing flash flooding and my backyard in under water, and my fathers garage is flooded again. There is 6 inches of water out there and it continues to rain, I will just sit here and wait to see where this leads.

Suzanne has had her surgery, she has come out with flying colors and that has taken some of my worrying out of me, I worry about everyone except myself. I need to catch up with all my friends and their blogs, since I took off a month to play on second life.

I will try to come up with something for all of you to read, my life right now is in a stand still but I see good things coming at the end of this depression tunnel.

10 things you may have never knew about me

I live in a complex world as you all know, and I will mention some things you may of never knew if it wasn't for SyrLinus and his blog. Like a challenge, I could never pass this up.

1. I am deathly afraid of spiders and cobwebs. In the summer months, stupid spiders weave webs across my yard and it is head level, why shouldn't it be, but if I walk into it all hell breaks loose. I become a little girl in mere seconds trying to get that thing off me waving my arms and tearing at my face because I know there is a spider in it. If it wasn't, it is sure getting a great show and laugh at my plight.

2. I can not say no to anyone when it comes to me doing something for them. I haven't the notion why I don't say it, all I know is I will go out of my way to help them.

3. I have a big dream someday, I want to wear a ball gown, white gloves and slippers which I would want a handsome man sweep me off my feet and dance the night away. But only dance, nothing more and feel what it would feel to be a true lady.
* I know it is silly but that is why it is a dream, it may never happen but if it did all my dreams would be fulfilled.

4. I was once a chef, a GM mechanic, a plumber, a nurses aide, a teacher, a welder, tile setter, carpet installer, Mechanical Engineer, artist, writer and law student. Jack of all trades master at none. I believe anyone can do whatever they want to do, imagination helps but you could do it because I did.

5. After breaking both my heels and ankles I was in casts for 4 weeks, how that happen was stupidity. I put a ladder on a picnic table because I didn't have a long enough ladder. Now everything was fine until I was coming down the ladder which the picnic table moved and the ladder all of a sudden was shorter. I grabbed the gutters which I ripped down and the ladder rungs grabbed my feet, shaved my shins and I land squarely on my feet which blew out my arches and made them flat. The best part of all of this, my wife wouldn't talk to me for 2 weeks, I was on a holiday :-)

6. I lived outside and in a car for three years. It was before my mom became sick, all she was told was I was comfortable. She never knew and she didn't need to know. I wouldn't take a handout, I provided for myself showered at the YMCA, washed my clothes in a laundry mat. I did very well surviving even when it was cold outside.

7. I play the TV at night and during the day, not watching it, but to pretend someone is home other than I. It is called loneliness of having someone. So the TV helps with this.

8. I will not date anyone while I am transitioning. I do not want someone hurt when they see the changes, as a male dating females. She wouldn't want a male to female, why would she, she could date another female without the complications. I have seen it many times dating . No, I will do this alone.

9. I never wish to retire, I am a workaholic averaging 15 hours a day, 7 days a week. Multitasking never was used until they met me :) up to 8 PC's on my desk and three laptops , trying to fix them all in a single day. I had customer satisfaction awards for performing 100% and this is where no plays a key component.

10. I want to move away from my parents, it isn't because I don't love them, it is because I am too close. Everything that involves the family is brought to me first, I don't wish to be that involved and my father who isn't comfortable with his oldest son becoming his oldest daughter sure doesn't help.


There is so much I could write about but I was asked from Linus to do this, so here it is. Somethings you didn't know about me. And the other things maybe I may write about them :)

Good night