New chapter to my life.....dating a man

I had a long chat tonight with my girlfriend who lives about 700 miles away, we have been dating 2 years and with our illness's and economic issues it will be longer to be here together. I said to her how lonely I get sometimes and she said I have told you to see people, go out and satisfy that desire you have. I will always love you but you must try dating a guy so you will know whether it is for you or not. She is of course is Bi and I am thinking I am too. I know it is crazy but I do have a desire to meet a male maybe get free meals lol out of it and make friendships.

As I played Shawn all those years I was never ever alone, I dated some of the most intelligent, gorgeous women and some not so much but it was something I prided myself and now could not get a date if it killed me. I do find the men sexy, some intriguing and also I am frighten of the what if's. I am a virgin here, imagine a 50 year old virgin.

So I will have to figure out how to by pass the straight, gay and bi status like she said " I wouldn't say straight, lez, bi, polar bear, or sunshine ... but that's me, you always say your not a label, you are a woman." Just remember ... no matter what you do ... i do love you, and you best be careful.

And that I will. Here's to another new chapter in my life and bio.

ME

Hello everyone, god it has been a while since I have written but I have so many prepostings to share.

Sitting here wondering why it has taken so long to actually write this down, thoughts belonging on paper for emotional status why things are the way there. For 40 years, I portrayed somebody I wasn’t to please people around me. Now I am on this journey to find the person that I am and it is the most difficult thing I’ve ever tried to do, having cancer wasn’t as scary as living my life. I am experiencing what a real woman feels like and it sounds strange I never knew what this was like up until now. When I’m asked to go out with my friends it used to take me about 10 minutes to get ready now it takes me 40 minutes. Fuss and cuss, tease my hair, apply makeup just to look pretty. As a male it would take me 10 minutes to put on shoes and a sweatshirt, jeans and a jacket and out the door I went.

My girlfriends are very supportive it’s like watching a child learn new things, my expressions, the excitement, embarrassments the learning of becoming a woman. I was reading my Facebook postings and some of them are happy and some were sad, but the postings that got to me were the ones that were replied by my girlfriends. After reading them the tears started flowing and didn’t stop for hours because I know that this journey to be who I am is making me the happiest person ever.

This afternoon I pampered myself facials, pedicure, manicure, softening of creams which I only do once a month. I wish there was a book or manual to teaching to be a female but there’s no such thing it’s all trial and error. A young girl growing up learns everyday how to become a woman, her mind is developed to accept many different things, my mother taught me so much just in case and now I’m practicing learning, pretending, developing, enjoying the finer things in life accepting myself as a female. I want to thank all my girlfriends and their boyfriends and husbands for their support. I also want to thank some of my family who also are a big supportive fan without them I don’t think I could do this without them.

**Let me tell you my evening last night, I went to my girlfriend’s house for dinner and spent time with the family and friends. I watched the excitement of baking a cake, making frosting from scratch, laughter and good ole fashion fun. I had seen moments such as these growing up but could not participated because it was not the “male” thing to do, so I would ignore them and follow move on.  I always have to take a minute and psych myself up so I can go outside to the garage where the men are. Now let me explain, for 32 years I have been afraid of men because of the incident were men took advantage of me, I know these men would never do anything but I’m still scared. Why still, am so frightened? When I am there with them I am comfortable, my guard is down and I am excited to be with them. They have a way to making me feel like a woman, is it the compliments or the atmosphere; I’m just so relaxed talking with them.

I could wear jeans and a sweatshirt and be just like one of the girls but I get all dressed up, make myself up extra pretty for the attention of men. There is something powerful about attracting males that excites me and I cannot explain it. I have tossed it around my head trying to find an answer but something hormonal is unbalanced for me to act this way. I’ve always been attracted to women but now something’s wrong, something is changing that I want the attention from males. It is not a sexual thing, I cannot put my finger on it but there is a definite desire to please myself and attract males. I no longer look at women as a sexual play thing now I look at them, mannerism and how critical they dress. I still find women attractive but not like I used to.

My girlfriend or my partner said to me one day that someday this will happen, that I desire a man and I told her she was full of it, I never had the desire to be with a man, for some reason something in me wants that affection which is leaving me dumbfounded and confused. I want to be 17 again, I want to experience what it is like to be a girl in love I want the fulfillment of being a straight woman and see the difference.

So now I am left with many things to think about, life is so confusing well my life that is, so if you see a posting in my Facebook more of men you will understand that I am having a hormonal breakdown.

I’m still Shauna, still growing, still learning, experiencing things I never thought possible and enjoying my journey.                                               

                                                                                 I am Me.

The wonderful world of gender and labels

I was asked today to join a web site that caters to TRANNYS, now as you all know that isn't what I am. Each of us have our own label or title but as an Intersex where do I fit in? I did the registration and low and behold I am an other.

I will always be an other because society has no category for us and I understand that, with the different types involved Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (cah),Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (ais), 5-alpha Reductase Deficiency, Klinefelter’s Syndrome, Turner Syndrome, Mosaicism just to name a few.

I do get a kick out of someone trying to categorize me in the tranny community, though I try to educate them just how far I am along in my transition than that of a typical MTF. How many different types of gender are there really, every week I hear of a new label but the genders are the same either your male or female there is no in between.

We as humans should get along with each other but that will not happen in my future only the animals get along with each other and they have no labels.

Living as I am, not the gender

I don't think I ever considered my gender to be a problem, I was neither boy nor girl so if asked, I was just me. To put a title on a person who is born with both genitals is like asking if a car that is two tone is black or white.

Lately I have been reading a lot of new blogs concerning children with issues just like us, a little girl age of three stating she is a boy or a boy similar age saying he is a girl. It is truly amazing over the last decade how more and more trans people are coming out not like while I was growing up with no knowledge or groups whom I could socialize with to learn how to cope with my issue.

I wish sometimes I was trans, I believe it would be easier in many ways and this constant reminder each month reminds me I am truly different than anyone I have ever met. A male friend of mine and I were talking which I said I needed to put on my estrogen patch so not to cause any indifference in my body chemistry and he couldn't understand that if I don't maintain the estrogen that I could get awful ill again. So I simply explained it to him, which he finally grasped what I was telling him. My body isn't producing it as much as it used to so I have patches and booster shots maintaining the constant estrogen my female side needs. The problem I am having with the patches is I am allergic to the adhesive which causes a rash. So I cut the glue off and attach a bandage instead which stopped the rashes. The things I do to be just normal everyday is amazing.

These days I have to question myself when applying for work, the last thing the employer asks is whether I am a male or female or (not answer at all), which I often do because I can not answer honestly with their question. I don't think I am wrong or being difficult it is just the wording that is bad. There should be something there besides male and female but that will have to wait when society accepts that there are different genders other than the two common ones. Its not sex its gender, 89% female and 11% male how would you answer such a stupid question?

I want to say good luck with your operation Véronique, (my sis) I do love and care about you more than you know. Whether you had the surgery or not, you have always been a woman to me.

So whats new, the holidays were wonderful though I was totally broke but that didn't effect anyone's joy. My coming out 2 years ago stopped my father from calling me sis, never hear it anymore and you know what, I am glad too. He has on occasion made statements like she is here, or there she is (me) which makes me smile. Whether he is doing it as a joke or not, it makes me happy that he actually acknowledges it.

Time for me to go look for more work, wish someone would hire me even just contracting so I have a reason to get out of bed.

If this is like retirement, I never want to retire.

"true hermaphrodite"

Imagine a healthy baby born in the sixties without the worry of a doctor cutting the child to make him or her right? The baby in question was born with ovary, uterus and testes and penis which today's standards would be considered true hermaphrodite and thankfully the mother put a stop to the nonsense that there was a problem with her child. I want too share a link to another blog that explains what ovotestis is and the medical awareness.

http://intersexroadshow.blogspot.com/2009/05/on-being-called-true-hermaphrodite.html

This wasn't an issue really for me until the emotional strain and medical issues arouse and it became public for my family. So with that said Lumini did an excellent piece and has a wonderful blog explaining Intersex and our condition.

Phantoms

In all my years I have never been unemployed so this is really a first for me, it has been a year almost which scares the hell out of me with transitioning and the medical bills piling up, I wish I was bi and find a man to take care of me but that isn't the case here now is it?

I am a true lesbian and I wouldn't have it any other way. At 47 years of age, I look like a typical dyke and I like it really I do. The ghosts still keep me on my toes and someday I will get proper care to rid these phantoms from disturbing me in my mind. I tell myself not to blame all men, 3 guys took my virginity and destroying all hopes of being myself. I shudder to think how cruel people are that they can do something so badly and not feel remorse. It has affected me in many ways which I find myself reacting in an aggressiveness manner when it comes to decisions. Men tend to touch that bad side of me, sorry to say a majority are just plain perverts chasing a tail for release.

I am very disappointed with myself, treating a perfect stranger as the enemy not knowing why or what I should have not said, but often times it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I play a game called Second Life, there I am myself, I am Shauna. I am a sub also for a woman who treats me badly at times and tell myself that would be the last time she treated me badly, that isn't the case I always go back because even though she treats me bad she is also giving me the attention I need. The men there have proven to me that they are nothing but pigs, time and again some guy will make a statement towards me. If I could I slap his face for being so rude, or let the male aggression rise so I can take 10 years of a bad marriage out on him.

Life isn't a bowl of happiness, it isn't the white picket fence in front of the cottage that we all have dreamt of when we were children. This life isn't what I expected but I am making the best of it with my dreams. So with that said, someday I will be working, and a therapist will rid the ghosts of my past. Hopefully I don't grow to old to care anymore, because after all that is what I know how to do.

Bodybuilder and the transwoman

As the sweat rolled off my temples and my muscles quivered I pushed and pulled with all my might, I am in a maintenance routine. My body fat is less than 9%, I weigh in at 170 at 5'11 and I am solid muscle.
As I recoiled from the machine, I would jump on another for more reps and watch the sweat sting my eyes I needed to get stronger.....it was like a drug and I needed my fix!

That was nine years ago since I benched 290 lbs, and squat 550 lbs. How can that be you are saying, well believe it or not I used to compete in bodybuilding. My biceps were once 20 inches flexed, today a mere 12, wow, time sure took its toll. My chest was 48 inches and I had tree trunks for quads. (The photo isn't mine, but we had the same body and looked the same so I used it. He is a good friend of mine.)
Strong wasn't the word for what I looked like, more like a freak of nature but I looked like a man. My doctors couldn't believe here I stood before them with my back injury all healed proving once again they were wrong. I did walk, jumped, ran and stood before them in solid muscle.

So what happen to the bodybuilder?

I ended up tearing two deltoids right one up front, ripping it in half and the left rear partial tear, and blowing out my left knee that pulled me from the gym which I was living 12 hours a day 6 days a week.
My meals were proportioned into six meals, each consisted of protein whether it was food, a shake, maybe a protein bar. Nothing impure went into my stomach and a gallon of water each day. No soda, sugar even milk wasn't part of my diet. It would cause havoc in my body so I only put the best in me. Muscles were everywhere, and the Andros I consumed made me mean as hell. I could put a walnut between my ass cheeks and crack it in half by flexing, funny as it sounds that is how it was.
I wanted to be the man my father seen, I was determined to prove I was every inch a man just by looking at me, only thing that stopped that was the woman in me. I didn't wish to be a freak no more, and by pulling me out of the gym it saved who I really was.

Today I stand at 5'7" my body weight is 180lbs and body fat is above 20. No more weights, just exercise and I am on my way. Yes I lost everything, but gained my life back. I stand before a mirror that once showed me a chiseled chest, today I have breasts. The once thick arms are now loose with no strength and very thin. And my beautiful tree trunks, are smooth thighs that are my selling point when dressed appropriate. Yes the bodybuilder isn't here anymore, but a woman now stands in his place.

Estrogen replaced the Andros, I am sweeter and mellow, my mind is always in a happy place. I'd rather walk store to store than run the treadmill or jog 10 miles. Clothes are what I think of now, and I started a new exercise plan, I want to be a 10 but prefer an 8 by summer. So I am hanging up the sweets again, back to 6 meals a day and a whole gallon of water. I guarantee I will be in a swim suit this summer. Unlike my male side, I will have a body not full of muscles only a feminine one that is soft and pretty to the touch. With that said, I will close this post because like my old male self the trick to perfect health is not just what you put in the body it is how much sleep you get to repair it as well.


So goodnight and hope to see a brand new you too.

Eight years of friendship

I was out paying bills and seeing clients today, wasting time if you will because I was meeting friends for dinner as Shauna.
Shauna is out not dressed all pretty all the time but she is out and this is one of the times she will be very pretty.

I rushed home because I wanted to be ready. I called the restaurant and made reservations for 3 and used Shawn's name, he always gets waited on the quickest because he knows the owner. So off goes the old nail polish and I reapplied Sally Hanson hard as nails "ice" it is a wonderful pink with a shine and oh so pretty.
So with that out of the way, on to makeup which with be lite nothing fancy. I love applying it because it feels natural.I tie my hair back for the canvas needs not to be spoiled with stray hair. First and foremost wash my face always, always because not only is it dirty but makeup needs a clean surface. Second the moisturizer is applied mmm, I like this too because it keeps my face hydrated and soft. I am applying concealer under my eyes and little blemish areas, then the new Covergirl Aqua Smooth and it is that really smooth. After all is looking wonderful I then use the new Loreal Double extend mascara for a nice cover of my lashes. I also apply a pink eye shadow from Ulta which enhances my eyes. Followed with an eye liner pencil just to give it a line and no flash. After curling my lashes and all is squared away I follow bareMinerals as emphasize of how feminine I will look with the same product for blush. I steady my hand and trace my lips with my lip liner, suttle shade of mauve. I smile at the reflection, she is beautiful as always.

This is for friends and not a big party, I want everything to look natural and look I am wearing a satin lace cami and bra for support topped with a men's sweater. I really do not like the thin material they have for women , I get cold quickly. With a pair of lowrise Levis ( no skirt in this weather) I am good to go.

Meeting David and Lori ( her and I meeting for the first time) for dinner, oh my god it was so cold and thankfully I am layered. After arriving I said to the hostess party of 3 for Shawn which she said was ready, thank goodness I always call ahead. Even though it wasn't busy it was nice to have a seat waiting for us. Lori was absolutely fantastic, bonding with a woman is much better than the man side. David put on weight, he and I hugged no shaking hands here. Lori also hugged me and said no shaking hands for me. My chest is so sore, I am growing again. David walked behind the women, I remember doing that for many years and now it is being done for me *smile*

I was always the perfect gentleman, waiting for the woman to sit before me and now David is doing this for us girls, nothing can describe the emotions that are running through me. One flaw David, you are supposed to help the women with their coats before and after dinner, but that is fine.
After we were seated we all looked at the menu, I can feel the stares from the two with me, David last seen me as Shawn and he is amazed at the transformation in front of him, Shawn is gone and I am in his place.

Ordering is another big one for me, which always the lady gets to order first. It was really awkward at first but Lori ordered a french onion soup which followed me to a salad with garlic dressing as well as David having the same. Drinks were ordered, she had a Texas Sunset, Champagne, Peach Schnapps, and Rum set the base for one fabulous taste sensation. I had a Wild Coyote, Myer's Dark Rum, Malibu Rum, Creme de Banana, and Grenadine blended with pineapple and orange juice. Lori ordered her queen fillet mingon - Queen cut of choice tenderloin, char-grilled to perfection for a unique taste sensation. House potatoe which is a double whipped potatoe with chedder cheese, bacon bits all smoothered in butter (artery killer). I ordered the Rib eye as I have had for the past 30 years-fine quality of marble grains make it the juiciest steak of all, I too ordered the house potatoe. David ordered the Texas Sirlon-A thick, juicy, flavorful top sirloin steak, char-grilled to your taste satisfaction. Baked Potatoe smoothered in sour cream and butter. David had coffee, so the ladies were settling in for some chatting :)

*Lori was wearing a pretty necklace and bracelet made of miniture christmas lights, I noted she had very light makeup on and very little lipgloss.

The waiter made a mistake or two of calling me sir, and believe me I was fuming and hurt, we were discussing computers and the networking field when the waiter stated he wasn't technically inclined and Lori wasted no time which she emphasized that her husband was a geek but SHE is a super geek pointing at me. All I heard the rest of the night was Ms and Ma'am, *sniff* she is so wonderful pushing the hat and waking up that man.

The conversation revolved around my hiding, how well I did it for all of those years, and the crude man Shawn was. David was astonished how well I blended, and even had to think of how I never wore tight clothes, always sweaters or baggy shirts for binding reasons. The salads and soup arrived which we chatted some more about the past, laughed and drank. We discussed my blog and all I have done for the community with the teens and helping others, after all David said Shawn was always the one to lend a hand when others wouldn't.

Al the owner came to see me, and my friends. I haven't told Al yet but I think he will understand, we have been friends since he opened the resturant 30 years ago. He is the nicest man you could ever meet and his wife is fantastic too.

Watch the video http://www.checkplease.tv/ViewRestaurant.aspx?restaurant_id=268

So the meal was fantastic, we laughed and talked for hours. Drinking coffee at the end while David talked to Shawn a bit but only a little bit afterall they came to see me. As we were leaving and were outside David and Lori gave me a hug before saying good bye and will see you again soon, I said to both of them, next time you see me I will be much more a woman than now and Lori said "you have nothing to worry about Shauna, you are very much the woman now'.

As I sat in the truck for a bit wiping the happy tears from my eyes, that last part of the evening made me feel every inch a woman, I am finally home.



P.S.
David if you see this I get to buy dinner next time :)

Alter the one we love most

I learned that no one decides or chooses to become a transsexual, how can someone choose to screw up their life by becoming the person they were supposed to be? I, like many others have chosen to alter our bodies to match our minds. As a boy I was soft, not muscular though I dealt with it because there was no cure. Cure, how can you cure a biological condition such a this?

I am the oldest of my brothers and yet I have cute small hands, delicate features of a female yet I was given the gender 'boy' from the doctor when I was born. I have investigated and research the problems that has caused my body to shift and why I am female more than male, a pattern was developed in the womb which caused this mishap so no there is no cure.
A biological condition that these children are born with. Many others now are dealing with it head on but the thousands that are coming out of their shells have found that there is no happiness unless they match their bodies with their minds.

Why in God’s name would anyone ever choose to do something as unusual or as difficult as change their gender? Why would someone go to great feats to alter their bodies with surgery, with pills and or injections? Why are there so many others like myself out there doing the same thing if it weren't true?
To look at me, 47 years of age with feminine features, almost pretty, and soft incredible skin without makeup trying to fit in till it is my time to emerge, you would not have guessed I was transsexual.

I was diagnosed with GID and am having the Intersex condition has helped my hormones alter me quicker than most. It has been eight months now since I came out of my closet. The best thing is I love who I am becoming.

Happy Transgivings

Who would have thought

Thirty six years ago transsexual wasn't quite the word I was looking for in the library to describe why I was different than my brothers. Intersex wasn't even used yet, it would be many years later before such a word came from my lips and knowing what it meant was a whole different matter.

I have walked in between genders for so long, knowing well enough that it wasn't safe to step out into a society that wasn't ready for someone like me. So here I am today transitioning, transitioning is something God didn't finish or maybe he meant for me to be this way. All I know is once I began this journey I knew I wouldn't be happy till I was finished.
I am handsome and beautiful, man and woman. I know this from others who have told me. I never considered myself either, that word is a description I am uncomfortable with. I find myself to be average and that is all.

I can say that what I have learned over the years has prepared me for my SRS, life is an experience that you will not learn from a book trust me on this. So I will wait, this surgery is a one time shot no turning back if you aren't happy with it. Nope this is final! It isn’t like a dress that didn’t fit or look right on you. This surgery doesn't make you a woman, the woman is you before the operation so unless you actually feel what it is being her, I wouldn't even think about SRS.

Then there is all the cosmetic surgeries, I can not describe how many young girls inquire about their chest being too small. Before you whip open your bra, to have the doctor cut your chest open to make a pocket and shove a silicon orb into it, I would suggest waiting for the hormones to sink into the system.Nature is a wonderful thing, feeling your body change that was once flat into something so lovely. I have beautiful breasts though not big but they are mine. No foreign object making a impression for all the world to see. Feeling puberty is the greatest thing a woman can experience, I know I have done it twice. I walk around with sore boobies all the time but they are real.

All the different things to happen to your body, the different ways to achieve to be a woman. Redefining what isn’t female, the scalp, forehead, jaw line, cheeks and the list goes on.
Why are so many in a hurry, there isn't a race to become who we are, I hear it so many times of what they want to do and they are in a hurry.

The biggest pleasure I used to have were my electronics, I own so much I am a tech junkie, I have ipods, palm pilots, Xbox360, playstation3, laptops, computers and servers. Giant LCD TV to 103 inch monitor for my computer, and to top it off theater 8 to 1 surround sound. I have it all, why I have so much, I have no ideal it was my ego to achieve this goal.

Now my biggest possession believe it or not isn't my 200 plus shoe collection. Or the electronics that makes you tingle when you first walk into my home. It isn’t my house or my sport pickup truck.

It is me and my health, I would give up all my toys, all my shoes and all my money just to feel healthy again.

I don't need to feel stitches in my skin from a cosmetic surgery I wanted, or feel myself in a strange bed waiting for my face to heal with the bruising and discoloration because my cheeks aren't feminine enough, the gauze hiding the hindered swelling from a shaved brow. To see two large orbs and pressure on my chest because I needed breasts. Imagine the dull ache between my legs that once support a male organ. These are changes we all seek to become a woman and are in a race to get it. Why is it this way? When I was a child I only wanted to know why I was different, not cutting my body up to get the answer.

So here I am 36 years later, wondering daily if I will wake the next day with no pain, my insides are moving again, changing as I type this. It is in turmoil over a tiny thing attached to my ovary. I am Intersex that special word that change everything and my ovary, the one thing that defines me as a woman had made me ill. No, I am in no hurry for surgeries; I am who I am trying to survive.

Who would have thought this all started sitting in a library?

My America

This is why I am so proud of serving in the US Navy, these videos had tears streaming down my cheeks.





I know we can join as a union hand in hand, the ignorance and bigotry just need to be educated. I have seen so much despair in this world, poverty, children without parents and famine these nasty heartfelt sorrows were corrected in ways that had given me hope. This place I call home I believe in my heart can also be fixed. With education, it is the only way. We need to stand together as brother, sister, mother, father, friends, family forever and always.





Stop the fighting, the prejudice, the ignorance, the poverty and begin helping and loving thy neighbor that is all I ever ask for in my prayers.



See we can make a difference, stand together and be Americans.

I am not a girl

This song really explains who we transwomen are in our transition. Such a beautiful song.

Someday I know I will be complete too.

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman

I used to think
I had the answers to everything
Mm but now I know
That life doesn't always go my way. yeah
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl

There is no need to protect me
Its time that i
Learned to face up to this on my own
Ive seen so much more than you know now
So don't tell me to shut my eyes

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl

But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way

I'm not a girl
I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe
Not yet a woman
I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah
All I need is time
Whoa, all I need is time...
A moment that is mine
... that's mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman

I want to thank Gillian for asking.....

Who is Shawn?

Shawn is a man of 47 years, with brown hair and brown hazel eyes, 5’8” His weight is about 180 and has a wonderful smile. He has a heart of gold, and would give the shirt off his back to someone who needed it more. The oldest brother of 4, three brothers and one sister. He is the lighthouse for the family, he could guide you on what is happening because everyone contacts him.

Shawn talks now;
I am not disappointed with my life, I have been a chef, a mechanic, a plumber, an engineer, worked in factories, a nurses aide, tile installer, landscaper, mechanical engineer and a sailor. I have seen the world, been across the equator 8 times, written and published poetry in the process of writing a book, been married, broke my vertebra only to walk again something the doctors stated would never happen, I have the very best friends anyone could ever ask for, a loving family, I love my work of building and repairing computer networks. I love my truck, which I will never give up. I have done things people would have loved to have done.

I wish I could have had children, just one child. I was diagnosed being sterile which made me so sad because if one person deserved children it would be me. I was the neighborhood dad for all, would teach the children to ride their bikes, fix broken wheels or toys, be their coach for baseball. I have always loved children but never had one of my own.

I could walk into a room and bring out the smiles of everyone, whether you were sad or not feeling up to the weather, the smile would linger well after I had left.
I know it sounds crazy, two souls and one body but try to cope with what we have and you will understand more.
As Shauna emerges into life, I will always be here for her no matter what. I believe that is why God has me here, to protect her from harms way.

You asked who is Shawn, Shawn is the other half of Shauna, we are and always will be a team.