New chapter to my life.....dating a man

I had a long chat tonight with my girlfriend who lives about 700 miles away, we have been dating 2 years and with our illness's and economic issues it will be longer to be here together. I said to her how lonely I get sometimes and she said I have told you to see people, go out and satisfy that desire you have. I will always love you but you must try dating a guy so you will know whether it is for you or not. She is of course is Bi and I am thinking I am too. I know it is crazy but I do have a desire to meet a male maybe get free meals lol out of it and make friendships.

As I played Shawn all those years I was never ever alone, I dated some of the most intelligent, gorgeous women and some not so much but it was something I prided myself and now could not get a date if it killed me. I do find the men sexy, some intriguing and also I am frighten of the what if's. I am a virgin here, imagine a 50 year old virgin.

So I will have to figure out how to by pass the straight, gay and bi status like she said " I wouldn't say straight, lez, bi, polar bear, or sunshine ... but that's me, you always say your not a label, you are a woman." Just remember ... no matter what you do ... i do love you, and you best be careful.

And that I will. Here's to another new chapter in my life and bio.

I am a woman on paper

I often wondered what the emotional effects felt like having a man in my life and it is almost like a woman but he isn't anything like the softness of a woman. The tenderness isn't the same neither, cuddling is different too but his ruggedness is something I am seeking, what is wrong with me? For 32 years I have avoided any kind of contact with men, rape will effect the mind in ways that science can not help.

Now the guy I am seeing may be a fantasy to some, but I know him in real life, the man I am with is in secondlife and he is so awesome. Him and I don't have sex, we talk and that is awesome because he listens to me. I know lots of men and the conversations I have with them do not classify as intelligent conversations.

I am learning the facts of life through my fingers, typing my words but learning as I go along..is this silly?

I know longer live my male self in the world, chemo is being scheduled and I am looking forward to the spring dances coming up. There is the place I get the most excitement, being lead by a man dancing. The last one I attended a waitress thought I was a girlfriend to someone there, a natural woman and made me gush.

Getting here has been truly a test in my life, when I was told I had cancer, I thought ok a road block again, I can overcome this and here I am. Well this is something new to me and not a road block but a learning experience I believe. Justin is so awesome and I am happy.