The wonderful world of gender and labels

I was asked today to join a web site that caters to TRANNYS, now as you all know that isn't what I am. Each of us have our own label or title but as an Intersex where do I fit in? I did the registration and low and behold I am an other.

I will always be an other because society has no category for us and I understand that, with the different types involved Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (cah),Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (ais), 5-alpha Reductase Deficiency, Klinefelter’s Syndrome, Turner Syndrome, Mosaicism just to name a few.

I do get a kick out of someone trying to categorize me in the tranny community, though I try to educate them just how far I am along in my transition than that of a typical MTF. How many different types of gender are there really, every week I hear of a new label but the genders are the same either your male or female there is no in between.

We as humans should get along with each other but that will not happen in my future only the animals get along with each other and they have no labels.

Random Thoughts of transitioning......

So overwhelming seeing all the trans people I read about or see on a daily basis, never thought I would see the day we all come out and unite.

Whether MTF, FTM or people like myself that are coming out in droves. The FFS, altering their faces to match their gender, or SRS (GRS) also to match their genders. Hormones alter our bodies dramatically some to the point of never returning to the original state even if they stop taking them.

I believe in my opinion, it is easier for a FTM to pass in many ways. There are cute men in society that the FTM would fit with none or little problems. Binding I had to fit in the male world. Where as MTF if you don't have feminine qualities or in your early thirties, passing will be tremendously harder than most.

Children have the medicine now to alter their gender, with testosterone blockers and testosterone shots given at an early age, stops the binary changes in puberty. The parents are now more understanding too, where we had to hide they are more expressive.

I would say 85% of my friends have had or about to have their surgeries that has completed that portion of their journey though the journey never really ends.

My surgery will not be completed as I thought it would, financially it is impossible but I still hold the brass ring which I will achieve this impossible dream because I do not believe in giving up on something I have waited my whole life for.

My life began as a caterpillar where the actual insect eats, my life absorbed knowledge as I grew and shed my skin many times to make me a stronger caterpillar. It is the only way I can explain how I began, inching my way in life enriching myself with the people I have met and the journeys I have chose for the path I was on though the last path was disastrous that brought this to an end.
During that period of my life I entered the chrysalis stage before I knew it the butterfly emerged, Oh she became the most beautiful butterfly I had ever seen.

When it happen I can not tell you, how it happen I can not say, but now that it had I stretch my wings, flap them a few times and started my flight, I am on a long trip and may slow down with wind and hazards in front of me but I will complete this journey however long it takes.

It must feel strange and yet so exciting to look down in the shower at once was a tail, without the lump only smoothness when you wear your lingerie. No tucking or feeling uncomfortable whilst you bend over getting the pinching effect.

I can honestly say that I had no problems with any of that, tucking began a habit since childhood and as I grew older the tail was just that, a tail.
It will be wonderful for me to be complete, having the VJJ and my uterus together I will then be complete. Though I will not be able to have children like I had wanted since I was sterile at birth.

Surgery will not make me female, I am already that, what it will do is complete what natural failed to do and I am thankful medicine and science has given us that.

Nikki, Chloe, Rebecca, Suzanne, and now Véronique have achieved that part of their journey and it must feel wonderful. There are many others whom I know of that too have achieved that part in their journey and I would mention but I will be here all day.

My point is, if you have a DREAM IT CAN BE FULFILLED IF YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT IT. Do not make excuses why you can not have it.

FTM, the testosterone shots help achieve the male pattern that so many MTF wish to let go. The upper surgery is the easy part as I have been told, its the bottom surgery that is the hardest and with science hopefully they will be able to make a penis in the near future (that will be quite a long line).

So I am quite happy and jealous of my girl friends that have lost their tails but one day I will be able to look back at this and smile because I too will lose my ugly tail.


No my journey does not end after surgery, it only proceeds forward for I have much to complete til the end when I lay in that box at the end of my path.

Living as I am, not the gender

I don't think I ever considered my gender to be a problem, I was neither boy nor girl so if asked, I was just me. To put a title on a person who is born with both genitals is like asking if a car that is two tone is black or white.

Lately I have been reading a lot of new blogs concerning children with issues just like us, a little girl age of three stating she is a boy or a boy similar age saying he is a girl. It is truly amazing over the last decade how more and more trans people are coming out not like while I was growing up with no knowledge or groups whom I could socialize with to learn how to cope with my issue.

I wish sometimes I was trans, I believe it would be easier in many ways and this constant reminder each month reminds me I am truly different than anyone I have ever met. A male friend of mine and I were talking which I said I needed to put on my estrogen patch so not to cause any indifference in my body chemistry and he couldn't understand that if I don't maintain the estrogen that I could get awful ill again. So I simply explained it to him, which he finally grasped what I was telling him. My body isn't producing it as much as it used to so I have patches and booster shots maintaining the constant estrogen my female side needs. The problem I am having with the patches is I am allergic to the adhesive which causes a rash. So I cut the glue off and attach a bandage instead which stopped the rashes. The things I do to be just normal everyday is amazing.

These days I have to question myself when applying for work, the last thing the employer asks is whether I am a male or female or (not answer at all), which I often do because I can not answer honestly with their question. I don't think I am wrong or being difficult it is just the wording that is bad. There should be something there besides male and female but that will have to wait when society accepts that there are different genders other than the two common ones. Its not sex its gender, 89% female and 11% male how would you answer such a stupid question?

I want to say good luck with your operation Véronique, (my sis) I do love and care about you more than you know. Whether you had the surgery or not, you have always been a woman to me.

So whats new, the holidays were wonderful though I was totally broke but that didn't effect anyone's joy. My coming out 2 years ago stopped my father from calling me sis, never hear it anymore and you know what, I am glad too. He has on occasion made statements like she is here, or there she is (me) which makes me smile. Whether he is doing it as a joke or not, it makes me happy that he actually acknowledges it.

Time for me to go look for more work, wish someone would hire me even just contracting so I have a reason to get out of bed.

If this is like retirement, I never want to retire.

I have wrriten about many things

So with that said here is something that means more to me than my transition, it is who protects us so we may transition safely.



Thank you all who is still serving....

Christmas and the ham

Christmas has come and gone, but in its wake I was given the most and best present anyone like me would have wanted. I spent the day with my nieces, oh so lovely and they shared their dolls with me. I also had my Sister, her husband, Mom and Dad there as well. Santa Clause arrived around 1:30 p.m. for the girls whom was so overly joyed for being such good little girls. Everyone bought me gifts, though I could not but my being there with them was my gift which I believe that made up for it.

Christmas evening I baked a ham which my mom had given me, to have ham until it makes me sick but I will enjoy this 7 lb delight. It is so juicy and tasteful as I am eating some as I type this. I will not get sick of ham, it really is a rare treat for me. The ham came with the skin, which is the biggest treat and the part in which I am supposed to eat less of because the richness of the fat makes me have stomach issues, but it can not be helped. I trimmed off all the fat and skin, laid it flat in the preheated 350 degree oven and baked pork rind or pig skin till it was crunchy. The taste is like deep fried bacon but oh my god better. I have been known to go to Tennessee and purchase 5 to 10 pounds of pork rind. Talk about a heart attack that will happen while your arteries clogging up, but oh it is something to die for "laughing".

Well that was Christmas, the snow continues to fall and I am waiting patiently for some outcome from that interview. I so want to go back to work and have something worthwhile to blog about.

The new year is coming up, hopefully I will write more and spend time with all of you which I sadly got caught up with my depression and still continued to smile through it all. My heart is always happy whether I am sad or not, so you will always see a smile on my face. If I am smiling, I know for sure you are too and that is what makes my smile so bright.


So what did I get for Christmas. Money from my parents, slippers which I also can wear outdoors (not pink)a car kit with polishes and leather care for my truck, that is my baby. Ornaments made from my nieces and cash cards. Everything was wonderful, but the very best present was the love I shared that Christmas with my family. They love and worry about me, I am alright but they are worried about me. I am the luckiest girl I know having a wonderful family as I do.

So until next time, watch what you eat and if its not good for you, eat in moderation :-)

Love to all my friends this holiday

It is here again, what you may be asking, well Christmas and the joy of giving or taking whichever you look at it.

My stepmother called me this morning to let me know she is shopping, god how I miss going into the stores and trying on things that I want to purchase. I know I could walk into the stores and do that now not working and all but that would be like a child left in a candy store with no money and everything out of reach.

So she also wanted to tell me that she bought the grab bag present for my contribution this year, ten dollars which I can afford but that will have to do since I have no income.

For entertainment last night I played Tiger woods golf with my friend Greg and looked at dresses and shoes online, teasing myself of the wants and wishes that I could have if I were working.

So Christmas will be spent at my sisters house I believe, I love getting together with my family. I really am looking forward to the time I am completely a woman and spend it with my family not just a partial woman as I have been for these last 48 years.

One Christmas my brother and his wife bought me a barbie doll, they used it as a joke because she was dark skin like an Asian, I have a thing for Asian women, but the ironic gesture was so heartfelt that I looked at it as my first Barbie doll and I loved it and them for giving it to me.

I loved growing up with my brothers and all the trouble we would get into just because we had nothing to do, though Christmas time we were on our best behaviors hoping to get the presents we had sought, I as a child would have loved dolls instead of trucks or a dress or two. Being different is something I have gotten used to over these years, so when Christmas approaches now I hope for Visa, Victoria Secret, Khols or some cash card so I could buy my dresses for myself.

Silly huh?

Well that is how I look at things, I love the holidays with friends and family there is nothing that can replace that in me. My friends and family are very supportive of my changes and the love is so strong. Why would I want to change that really?

So for this year I want to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and hope that it is as happy as mine. Also that you all find love and support from family and friends.
I love all of you truly and you all make me so very happy that I am alive to share my life and journey with you.


Dear Santa,
May I get a sweater dress for Christmas please, that is all I am asking for since I know I have shoes that match and all the accessories a girl can have.

I love every creature..even if they don't love me

Gender expression is something we ALL do, even straight macho males driving big trucks to dainty ladies with small green type cars. We socialize yet the hate is so strong that it is frightening. I found a wonderful video that expresses how we all should look upon haters.



Humans are the most least forgiving creature god created, animals get along with one another yet when some person looks or acts different either they are ridiculed or worse beaten.

I would love to live somewhere where we all get along no matter what we look like, that video even showed down syndrome people which is another birth defect yet there are haters for them as well. Life is only as good as your surroundings and to think haters are all around us, so to them f_ck you very much.