What is normal?

I have been asked what it is like to be me, what I have overcame in my life, what was it like to grow up and all I can say was "normal". How can I put into words what I have never experienced, the average child does have the name calling or harassment as I did so was there some difference?

To be honest I pretended to be a normal boy for fear that someone would find out the real me and god forbid do something awful to me for being different. My family and friends are my life line, they have stood by me all my life and I do not know what life would have been without them.

I was different than my brothers, not as strong, not a fighter but they loved me for who I was. I didn't have to fear of anyone ever threatening me not until I grew older and moved on.

Whats it like to be a boy with a period? A young male going through puberty never having a voice change or ever growing hair in places your brothers had? How about having budding breasts, not knowing what was developing inside. My mother knew, she argued with school officials and won, I would never attend PE again.

I have never asked for anyone to ever feel sorry for me, I made my life what it is today. My gender has always been in the middle, I am female all the time though having the male exterior sure pays off too.

I remember a time dating this girl, she had me dress up like a girl for Halloween and attend a party where guys thought I was the real deal, she was so upset we talked about the situation cause it seemed she was dating a girl. I never was allowed to dress up again for Halloween...I passed for female.

My trans friends think its wonderful to be me, maybe but its not when my uterus had a cyst on it, I became deathly ill refusing medical attention because of embarrassment.
When I had a lump in my left breast only to find it was a harden milk duct, scared me to think I had cancer and it hurt like hell. Having a menstrual cycle without a vagina has to be the most dirty thing to deal with a damn those cramps that go with it. Try explaining that to your friends?

All this would have been easier had my mother been alive, she would have taught me to be a woman but I lived in the shadows learning all I knew from watching others and reading in the library.

Now what is normal I ask, because I will never know but I will tell you I am happy, I am free to be anything I want to be and any gender because I can.

Someday I will have a normal life as a full time female though right now I am just enjoying me.