Family and self acceptance

Self acceptance is the most importance part of any transition whether it is MTF or FTM and without it you will surely fail.
I have accepted myself long before I came out, god made me this way for a reason and I am sure I will find out why before my journey is over with.

With that said I also accept my family and their mishaps, in my family there is alcoholism, drug abuse, gamblers, mistreatment, lots of verbal abuse, down grading, two faced opinions and racism. I have the toughest family in America which I knew would not be easy coming out to them. Imagine what a family like mine would bring you daily in emotional turmoil.
Self acceptance plays a huge part in this, since I have been called a sissy for over 40 years I have learned to ignore it, at first I would yell or tell them to stop with tears in my eyes as I am holding the tears back because to show weakness is to surrender defeat.
I am learning to accept the fact that my family can not be repaired because it has been that way long before I came along.

It took me 35 years to say I am not whole not a complete person in which you see and I am not happy with what I have done with my life. It will take many lifetimes for people to admit they have a problem such as alcohol abuse or being a gambler. You will never get an apology for the verbal abuse or down grading because that is the way it is. Also if it is very important and you want it kept a secret please don't let my family know because you may see it in the paper or someone you know will approach you about it.
I was outed before I could be there to explain why and now my kid brother ignores me, it hurt to see him and not be able to shake his hand or say hello how are you. The constant stabbing in the back is a ritual for them which I don't like attending groups of them to pick on me.

I accepted myself and they should also, if not for what I am doing just for who I am, an individual someone who makes her own life paths.

Well that is my soapbox rant for this evening, thank you and goodnight.