You don't know me for I am an oddity, no, I am not just another woman who has made her way into the world at a later date other than birth.
Having lived on both sides of the gender roles it has brought me here today to relish what I have discovered. I am in the proper role now, the gender that has made my smiles true and bright, that makes my eyes twinkle when I am her.
To have seen me as Shawn I was so so in life, the joy wasn't quite there something was amiss and you know what, I couldn't have even explain why that was. I had everything a man wanted and yet the one thing I missed more than all my toys was happiness.
Discovering the woman in me wasn't by accident in any way shape or form, god did it, he gave me life and never gave me proper direction.
Never pointed it out, so I sought my life as I seen fit. Buy trial and error I became the person you know me as today. The education of learning who I was to become took forty seven long grueling years but I made it, I stumbled once but I never gave up.
I now enjoy who I am, and my journey will take me much farther than I had expected because not only do I love myself but others love me as well. I value each day like it is my first, waking up is a gift which I do not take for granted only god can give me this life so I must always repay him with thoughtfulness towards everyone I meet and who I know. I thoroughly search out the web and on the street looking for someone less fortunate than I and give them kindness, a thoughtful ear and hopefully I will bring them the same happiness I feel everyday.
Yes I am who I am because I chose to be myself, no doctor gave me this, no medicines in the world gave me what was inside, happiness was growing in me and now I am sharing it more than ever.
Let me explain who my male side was. Shawn was brash, he was loud and very insecure. He made fun of people and was quite the joker. Never did he feel good for making someone unhappy because others were with him and laughed at what he said or did. What he did do was some really good things, he donated his blood to the children hospital *AB-* which was a very good thing, and he did earn his tattoo for being a saint in helping others, though I know that was me in him doing what was right. He sacrificed his time for seniors and children when it came to learning computers and all he received were hugs and handshakes. He was wealthy when it came to friends.
This is where I stepped into his life, the warmth that comes from within I will never trade for anything for I am where I am supposed to be, making myself happy.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Man and the Woman
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7 Comments:
So very happy for you! :)
Hi Shauna
I am so pleased you have found the clarity to find the pathway to your own happiness. Being true to your heart can be such a spiritually uplifting experience.
May all your dreams come true in 2009.
This sounds so familiar:
"To have seen me as Shawn I was so so in life, the joy wasn't quite there something was amiss and you know what, I couldn't have even explain why that was. I had everything a man wanted and yet the one thing I missed more than all my toys was happiness."
I didn't know what was wrong, when it seemed there should be nothing wrong. I was a bit slow on the uptake. :)
Love you, sis!
This was a great post to read. I've been taking the journey but in the opposite direction to you. I'm a transman and I can so relate to how you feel now with your corrected gender. There is nothing like being who you truly are. It's like finally arriving home.
Nice blog. :)
Welcome LL
I have met a couple trans men which you guys are so cute. Your journey is the same but the results are different. I wish my voice would change and all the other girls I know wish the hair would stop growing, see difference. It will be nice to compare notes. Thank you for commenting too :)
Blogger Johnboy said...
Yes Shauna the journey is the same.
How I long for a flat chest, and a strong jaw and many other things that you would rather not have. But I've learnt too that what truly comes from within shows on the outside too.
What sadens me though is the way the world views trans people. I refuse to be seen as a victim, and maybe because of that hide behind an extrovert exterior. Whatever it takes right?
Your blog looks very feminine, and reflexs you beautifully. :)
(sorry the post above was me too)
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