Shauna's day

Today I spent some time with myself, time with myself what the hell is that since that is all I do that seven days a week. What does that mean that I can spend time with myself that is different than any other day, for starters I cried for a very long time which was refreshing to say the least, I need that these days more than all my medication and doctor visits. It started with little tears and I was crying profoundly thinking this isn't going to stop no way but when it did I felt so wonderful. You may think it was the hormones, maybe some but it was everything in my life pouring out from within. Damn that was a good cry. I was hysterical for an hour or so, and needed to snap out of it, sure needed a shoulder but a hug would have been better.

After getting my breath and wiping my runny nose and tears with the mascara running down my cheeks, and feeling myself drained from such a emotion its a wonder this doesn't happen all the time.

I had so much to do today and yet I blew it all off for me, why do I do this when I need to get the things completed, I can't answer that.

The shower was were I can spend 2 hours of my ultimate pleasure time in hot water caressing my body in oils and relishing the fact I do this once in awhile. It is a ritual I lite candles and shower in a soft glow, the tub is too small to relax in and the water get cold too quick. See 2 hours in the shower is quite a long time for some, I bathe and ex foliate every inch of my body so I can be soft and smooth to the touch. My skin is very soft, softer than you would expect for my exterior even when I was male. I wash my hair as a salon would do with my head tilted back which also is rinsed the same way. Then creme conditioner is applied, and rinsed as well the whole ordeal is like a tiny orgasm because not only am I cleaning but the tingling I get you could hear a gasp come out of me when it is complete. I shave briskly over my fine tiny hairs on my upper legs, one razor will provide me months of shaving because of the little time that is spent raking a razor over that area. I am not bragging, to me it is a pain to even do that, even so it must be done to feel smooth again. After the shower I splash my body in oils again, and rinse, so perfect each minute spent on me.

I towel myself softly patting down my skin there has never been any rubbing that will scratch my exterior, I have done enough to this body with the surgeries. As I press secret into my underarms I note that the swell of my breasts are getting better and I find I start to cry all over again, I am changing again for the umpteenth time in my life. So many changes I have seen and experienced that you would think I would be used to it, but really do we ever?

Now the clothes have been laid out, a pair of gray string bikinis with a pink bow, low rise jeans and soft cotton bra with a blue gap t shirt. Which I cover with a black pullover fleece, I need it because I get cold so much these days and it is only 10 degrees outside.

What is planned for today was never completed, was it me or the weather?

Did it matter not really between it being so freaking cold and my emotional state, I never left the house.

I lit a few candles read some blogs, commented on some then I poured a cup of coffee and sat by the window looking out into the backyard and starring at my truck which is frozen to the ground, I have to get out there and to see if the thing can be opened. I know it will start but that doesn't mean a thing unless I can get into it. Of course it was frozen shut which I had to use the passenger side to open it and then push the drivers door open and slipped next to the truck trying to get leverage. I never did go out to do the things I planned on that day, but I did do something more important I finally had a Shauna day which is worth so much more.

Something for each of you Part 1

The Christmas holiday is upon us, time sure flew and here we are again only this year we are in a depression and all isn't as wonderful as we thought. I am happy I have made so many friends this year, and I think I beaten the bad health *knock on wood* or side of my head ;)

This will be Shawn's last Christmas, which is really sad in a way but he and I knew it was bound to happen. Next year will be my first, first for everything and I am sort of frighten because it is all new to me.
With all that has happen this year I am amazed we made it thus far, my coming out in April and going public in May. Newspaper writing of an article of me in July, becoming a webmistress for the LGBT, being fired for being transgender, my little live in companion which I haven't caught as of yet *mouse* and my faithful followers on my blog.

I love all of you and I will continue to watch from the side and step in when I am called for, oh I know when that is :)

I will stop smoking this year, my one vice that may kill me if I don't and I do want to stop. I don't drink and the only drugs I take is my HRT and vitamins. I have a hard time taking aspirin so you can understand I do watch what goes into my body.

I made something, maybe it is special maybe it isn't but I made it for all of you and it is on the end of this entry. I feel like I am copying off of Veronique *sis* but I thought of this such a long time ago which I never did complete because I thought it looked weird.

My being called a woman or an angel for the nice things I do you have to understand I do these things because in my heart it is right and it makes me so very happy if I see someone worse off than I, what I do is all I can to make it right.
I can not do alot these days being out of work, but I am still trying and by god I will always try that's what I do.

So I would like to give you your first Christmas present from me to you, it isn't much, and without my makeup (oh my god) it is quite scary. So without further ado I give you..........

Shauna without her makeup at home in her pj's *lol*