Will friends last?

This whole day was spent analyzing my past and present and questioning my future. I worry more about the people in my life than I do about myself and this isn't right but that is how it is. People have known me simply as Shawn, a man with hopes of happiness amongst friends, family and whomever I meet along the way.

It is something I strive for, that is how I became who I was and now Shauna wants her chance. I think I stole her moment when she was younger, she would have been more popular than I. I say that because I know how I am, and with the combination of the two of us, she was incredible. Her thoughtfulness and patience has given me so much, I could go on and on but the point I am writing to you now is what if; What if I said no to her of coming home, what if I just ignored her wants? I am at a crossroad and I worry she will not make it out there and then what happens?
I am known for second guessing, it is a protection I have developed to ensure we continue in a correct path in life. Gazing out the window, sipping my coffee and wondering if I will have all my wonderful friends when this is all over?

Donna Rose, from the book 'Wrapped in Blue' has showed me what my life my turn out to be when my transition is on it's way, she lost friends of 20 years, I have so many people I have touched from growing up during the Navy and after my married life and now. I can not imagine being without the love of my friends, and I know it will happen. People will use the excuse of not keeping in touch because of some reason or another, when it is my transition that is the main reason. I just wish people would remember my male self, and see I haven't changed, that Shawn is here always, just prettier and that is all. It saddens me to see that far in the future, the truth be told that my past has showed me how so right I really am.

I believe it is happening now, as I have been out of work since May. I am usually called for anything and now I have sent out hundreds of resumes and recieved nothing. Is it possible to have a mark on my record, maybe I should change the name from Shawn to Shauna, and see where that leads me? Could I get in trouble for using my female name instead?