I have decided not to go full time atleast till....

After hiding for thirty five years, I came out to everyone I knew. Reason why I did this was because one I wasn't happy with my life as it was and I was so afraid I would put an end to it but I would hurt too many people in the process.

People had to know, why? Because when the time comes and I arrive as Shauna and not Shawn, people would have totally freaked.

Eighteen years ago I was married to a woman whom I thought I loved, I really married to prove I was a man and not incomplete. Only thing is I wasn't capable to be the man I thought I was, I couldn't make a baby and making love was impossible because I couldn't stay aroused. After our divorce I dated and had the same problem, get excited and lose it in the middle of the act. This is where viagra began, and after a while of playing around back to being useless.

I love women, I adore everything about them and yet I can not achieve the one thing to justify I am the man I was suppose to be. Now you may be thinking I am gay, but I am not, I find that act of two men doing it so disgusting that I can not even think about it. That may be fine to others but this girl doesn't like it.

What I need to understand is why I am this way, I haven't performed in a sexual manner in six years. Hell I haven't thought about it till now, I avoided it all together because I can not stay aroused.

Now with the estrogen running in my body, my libido is going haywire and satisfaction is handled a different way and yet I stay aroused, why?

God, I am broken can you please fix me please.

I have decided not to go full time till I am completely happy as I am, I have waited this long what is a couple of years more?

I am more woman than some women I know of, but it saddens me because had I grown into the girl I keep writing about I wouldn't be here now.

I am happier now with the hormones in me, and my breasts have grown more because I have seen the difference and my friends have commented on it too. My attitude is getting better, less crying fits and sleeping is better as well.

So now I need to think why I have this arousal problem with women, they do excite me and that is why I say I am a lesbian.