Part Two - The journey

When I reached the age of 14, I finally did find my mom, she was married to some idiot that didn’t like teens, especially a teen like me, if he had known I was part girl my life would have been a living hell. I was there for a few months and low and behold my father threaten her if I wasn’t returned, she would be thrown in jail so I gave myself up. Why Dad, why do I have to go back to you, why? I planned and saved to run away again, this time I wouldn’t go with my mother, this time my father wouldn’t find me and this time would be the last time I would ever return to his house. I bought a car, paid the examiner off from the DOT so I could drive and slept in my car. Thank god it was during the summer.
I finally went to my mom, and she let me into her life, that was my happiest moment of my life.
She provided the school with a letter to explain that I wasn't to attend gym class and shower with the boys. My mother showed me things about who I was and told me it would be my decision on what I would become but remember this was the seventies, the gender issues weren’t out yet. I learned about myself, how to cook, to sew and make clothes. How to coordinate colors, she should me makeup and asked if I preferred girls or boys, which I said girls of course. My mother was my mentor, my best friend and my Mother. She let me dress as I pleased, wore my hair long and basically was her daughter which I wished often she would see me now instead of in spirit.
As I turned to 17, my father thought it was best that I enlist in the Navy which sounded like he was trying to get rid of me and he did after I joined. While I was away, the thoughts of being the girl I was I had to hide and only because of fear of getting beat up or the unmistakable being raped. I was home from the Navy, and my mentor the one who understood me, the best friend and the person I called Mom was dying from cancer something I couldn’t help change it just watch idly by and pray she would get better. Mom said she would give me the greatest gift for my birthday (I would be 22 years old) and she did, after watching her fight cancer for eighteen months my mother died six days before my birthday – that was my present.
I lost someone who knew me, knew about what kind of person I was, that I was born with a rare gender disorder. I was dating a girl back then who knew of my special side and enjoyed it as well. My hair was long and so pretty, no facial hair and I was 23 years old. She said my chest was baby fat and would someday go away, she was so wrong. How many guys would cuddle and share emotions like I did, she loved that in me. She would dress me up with makeup on a Halloween, only to realize that she was dating a real girl in a males form. I transformed into a girl within minutes before her eyes, I walked and talked naturally, and had many men think I was a young lady that evening. After that night our relationship changed, I was her girl friend not her boy friend and we ended our relationship while I was away taking care of personal business, she ended up with a real male.
She broke my heart because I thought we had a special relationship, but she shunned me away. So I went into a depression that brought be to see a therapist, I finally cried for my mothers death and for losing my girlfriend for being different, which was pointed that I was unique. I was different than other males but I was special and I wouldn't know this until my reenlisted back in the Navy a year later.