The Vessal

My journey began many decades ago, I set sail hoping to find true happiness and each time failed in that course. The path god chose for me was wrong and I knew it. I wanted more and I was going to achieve it but it never came. I waited and waited but nothing arrived like I had dreamt it would be like. So I gave up and hid. What kind of person would I become now. I became the man so my family would not say nasty things about, became the person they had known for so long as a rebel. I didn't follow rules if there were any, I was mean and would make fun of others so the world wouldn't look at me and figure out it was I that needed to be made fun of, I was different.
Looking around this big ole planet I am seeing more and more girls emerge, where were they when I wanted to come home?
There was no Donna Roses, or Caroline Cossey to follow, it was myself. I'd slowly open the door and look around like a ground hog I'd see my shadow and wouldn't emerge for another 10 to 15 years. Sad how frighten I became, the world was and sometimes is a scary place.
It sounds so petty doesn't it, crying over something that we have no control over and not knowing the outcome. I have to laugh at myself for this, why did I wait what was my reasoning, I really don't know why all I know is I wanted to be now.
I am sorry sometimes, the body wouldn't be broken up inside but the friends wouldn't have been achieved as well, we are the captains of our own vessel through life and if you steer off the course you will not achieve your goal, I steered my off course the day I was born. I steered it again when I turned 13 and again when I was 46. The sea has been exciting for me, the weather was steady at times but rough at others. I lost a sail here and there but I always gained the proper course each time along my journey. As I look now, I have thrown the sails away this is for me and no one else.