A huge step in the right direction

Well its official, I lost the house I have totally rebuilt. I purchased the house for 110000 and invested another $60000 into it over 9 years. Now Freddie Mac owns it, I don't blame them because jobs are scarce. So I packed everything I wanted and sold what I really didn't want to carry. Sofa and love seat, coffee table (wood) bedroom suite consisting of 5 pieces. Treadmill, and so much more just so I didn't carry it. Also all my dishes, glasses, pots and pans whatever was there is gone.

Where did I go from there, drove 728 miles east to Virginia where my brother and wife said I can start over.

Starting over which is described as I progress with work, then I can continue my transition it has been 17 months since I had my last estrogen pill. The shots haven't started here yet but I am due for one. I will plan that this week. So now I am settled somewhat, new house, new rules and a bed to lay my head.

My brother LB, brought me to a junkyard that had a tire and rim (needed a spare tire) and it cost $100 after we returned home we were talking and decided I will buy the other tires which are in better shape than the ones on my truck each would be $35, looking them up they are worth $188 each so all in all a great deal. The truck they took the wheels off was T-boned in an accident. Hardly ever used and has the rubber nipples still on them.

My brother, his wife Faith and I went to Ocean City for the labor day weekend, the beach was stunning and the water was ice cold. Did get to see some dolphin's swimming which was truly breathtaking. Everything is tanned as it should be and the only place burnt was my forehead, aloe will correct that. Didn't remove my shirt, even though I was in male mode, my breasts are quite noticeable and didn't want to be embarrassed.

So tomorrow I will continue to look for work, it looks promising really just need to have strength and faith, someone will want me soon.

I will be updating this blog now that I am settled.

Happy Labor day everyone.

P.S.

Am a little homesick, but since I have no home now I will get over it.

Pulling the wool

Last night I sat around trying to come up with the best April fools joke I could come up with and it hit me, I decided to post a shaved head on face book and let it ride. I did not think of the responses that I would have received but it was overwhelming, so overwhelming that I had to admit it was a joke before the day went on. One of my best features beside my smile, is my long luxurious hair and for me to cut that I would probably die.
I never knew how people know me like they do, one woman figured me out before anyone else that is why I admitted it was a prank. So sorry Véronique and Alan.

My straight friends also commented on my hair as they too seen the posting on FB which they too were quite in shock that I could just shave my head. If I had to cut it I would but to more of a feminine cut, I need bangs for that. I do love my long hair more so than short, it just makes me feel pretty.
I take great lengths taking care of my hair, and I am so thankful I didn't get my fathers genes or I would be getting many plugs or various amounts of wigs.

So I want to say sorry for the scare my friends, and say not to worry these locks are staying with me for a very long time.

I (evil grin)meant to pull the wool over your eyes {laughing}

Christmas and the ham

Christmas has come and gone, but in its wake I was given the most and best present anyone like me would have wanted. I spent the day with my nieces, oh so lovely and they shared their dolls with me. I also had my Sister, her husband, Mom and Dad there as well. Santa Clause arrived around 1:30 p.m. for the girls whom was so overly joyed for being such good little girls. Everyone bought me gifts, though I could not but my being there with them was my gift which I believe that made up for it.

Christmas evening I baked a ham which my mom had given me, to have ham until it makes me sick but I will enjoy this 7 lb delight. It is so juicy and tasteful as I am eating some as I type this. I will not get sick of ham, it really is a rare treat for me. The ham came with the skin, which is the biggest treat and the part in which I am supposed to eat less of because the richness of the fat makes me have stomach issues, but it can not be helped. I trimmed off all the fat and skin, laid it flat in the preheated 350 degree oven and baked pork rind or pig skin till it was crunchy. The taste is like deep fried bacon but oh my god better. I have been known to go to Tennessee and purchase 5 to 10 pounds of pork rind. Talk about a heart attack that will happen while your arteries clogging up, but oh it is something to die for "laughing".

Well that was Christmas, the snow continues to fall and I am waiting patiently for some outcome from that interview. I so want to go back to work and have something worthwhile to blog about.

The new year is coming up, hopefully I will write more and spend time with all of you which I sadly got caught up with my depression and still continued to smile through it all. My heart is always happy whether I am sad or not, so you will always see a smile on my face. If I am smiling, I know for sure you are too and that is what makes my smile so bright.


So what did I get for Christmas. Money from my parents, slippers which I also can wear outdoors (not pink)a car kit with polishes and leather care for my truck, that is my baby. Ornaments made from my nieces and cash cards. Everything was wonderful, but the very best present was the love I shared that Christmas with my family. They love and worry about me, I am alright but they are worried about me. I am the luckiest girl I know having a wonderful family as I do.

So until next time, watch what you eat and if its not good for you, eat in moderation :-)

The turkey hunt

I was on Being Amy which she had a video that made me laugh like I used to back before being unemployed so I watched it and of course it was funny, but I followed the link to youtube which the guys made a skit called the turkey hunt. That in itself made me laugh so hard I had tears. So without spoiling the plot of it I will embed it here.



Do hope you find the laughter I always seem to find even though bad time.

Relishing my memories

You know with everything that has or is going on in my life right now I am still smiling I have faith in myself to get beyond this problem and continue my journey.

When I was 14 years old I ran away from home where I slept in a goodwill box and in a car for two years, showering at the YMCA until I found my real mother which we rented an apartment together at the age of 16. Then I was going to high school and working two jobs while taking care of her because she had Cirrhosis of her liver, oh how sick she was but she was a very strong woman. When I turn 17 my father had me enlist in the Navy to make a man into me, sorry dad to disappoint you but that didn't work. I spent a great deal in the service and then came home to my mother.
I spent another 2 years with her before she had gotten sick with throat cancer, she was a very strong woman she fought it for 18 months and just prior to her passing she said to me that she had a birthday present for me. I replied the best present she could give me was her to be well, free from the cancer that was over taking her body. Six days before my birthday my mother died, she had a cardiac arrest in her sleep but she was finally at peace from all the suffering and I could rest too. I had been taking care of her day in and day out, working and going to school but she was my main priority because she is the one who gave birth to this wonderful woman.
After the shock wore off four months later I finally broke down and cried, she would have been disappointed had I not had the strength to take care of her during her cremation and funeral arrangements.
That was twenty four years ago, it is amazing to sit here and remember each moment we spent together. She was so incredible and she made me feel like a princess and often said I will be who I wanted when the time was right. My mom taught me so much about clothes, sewing and cooking everything I needed to be who I am today.

I have hit bottom once which I stood up and brushed myself off, looked around and found my footing and by god I will do this again. I have hit bottom again, no job, no way of paying my bills and about to loose my house but all these material things can be made up again later. I have my memories which I will keep for another 24 years and look back from time to time and relish where I have been.
Don't worry about me I will make it, I may be gone for awhile but I will be back and I will share my story with you.
So all in all I am sitting here typing this to all of you with a bright smile on my face because in my heart you all are praying for me to overcome this for I have the very best friends anyone could ever ask for, and to make you feel better..I will over come this ordeal :-)

Homophobic

I have a wonderful friend whom I love the heck out of but he is very homophobic, gets nervous when he sees me now and we have known each other for 24 years. So While I am writing my new post here is something for you to enjoy during my absence and hope he enjoys it as well.




And so here goes what I think of society who are homophobic and prejudice.

Networking laughter

Let me start by saying this is a happy post, not my oh god I am dying or that I am mad at the world , so here is what I want to start by playing a really sweet song that made me feel good. And the woman singing it is so hot.




It began a perfect afternoon, I applied some powder to my face, mascara to my lashes and just a touch of blush for color though I really didn't need it since it was 21 degrees outside.

Off to the side job where I felt the most comfortable being myself. I was on a job site installing a new router that was needed for the wireless laptops the bosses use. The damn thing was knocking people off the network even though it wasn't being used for the network, whoever set up the old router, gave the ip(192.168.1.1) which was needed for the new setup, to a printer which I needed so I of course took it back and gave the printer an ip address of 1.2, little did I know I would knock Cherie (you will hear about her shortly) off the network. So I get the router setup give it a new ip and put the printer back on the setup ip, not knowing people are getting knocked off like a chain reaction, domino affect if you will which to me is funny and frustrating at the same time. I'd like to grab the person who set this up originally by the throat and rub his nose in it. Today I didn't scratch one nail good thing too or this would have been a sad post (smirks).

As I am tidying up the loose ends Cherie comes to me and asks were there changes to the network she has lost connections. So then my phone rings which I had used my nieces singing "you are my sunshine" for a ring tone, it is so cute. It's my sister letting me know my nieces are staying over at my parents which really gives me a lift that day, they are my super powers.

Hmm, wonder what her ip was? So as I look into her pc which is a mac her ip WAS 1.2 tada, well all that was needed was to reboot and sure enough it was back. This was a bad setup from the beginning, I have much work to fix this issue. So now this is where my fantastic day began.

Cherie by the way is married so know I didn't meet a gg for love though if the situation were different I wouldn't turn her down but we became girl friends that afternoon by way of web site development. She went to explain how she does the art there at the store and had attended school for PHP in web design which is interesting since I do web design as a hobby.
Never took a class for any of it but that is another story someday.

So I showed her the lesbian and gay web site I maintain. She was impressed with my work, I had to tell her because things were pointing in the wrong direction. I wear the rainbow bracelet and maintain a gay site hmmm :)
The subject was moved a bit to the ringtone which I pointed to my sisters youtube but to get there she seen my video. What better way to see if someone understands who I am than with my one video and I said go ahead watch that and I will be back.

Now if you haven't seen the video you will probably not understand what I am saying but those who did will. That slide show captured her heart and brought tears to her eyes, also made a friendship before I returned.
We are both women even though I am in a different wrapper. I may look somewhat male but inside I am all female. The music and words blend into the photos which tell it's own story and I couldn't tell it better than the way I made it. Creative I do say the least.
So when I returned I asked her, are you alright and she was ecstatic and our friendship began anew.
The rest of the day I showed her other web designs of my own and talked about my shoes which I love the reactions from women, the clothes, makeup and the many things us girls love to talk about.
Yes I am a girly girl, and if there is a pair of shoes out there that you like I may own them already. Now she was the girl who own more bags than shoes, I have two bags (purses) and need to get back to work and start matching bags with shoes :)

So there is my afternoon filled with joy, not the laughing type but a wonderful glow in it's own right. I love networking :)

What types of education do Americans need to understand?

The NTAC.org and PSA.org has a commercial that should run here in the United States to help the uneducated people that don't understand why we are people just like them. I don't have the equipment to push this information over the air like other countries but I do publish what I feel is right. The society lives behind a curtain of male and just female because of organizations feeding them a line of misinformation which should be stopped. Here is the video that could very well start the education process.



Then you have places like New York and Illinois that are trying to make it simpler for the transgender community. See we aren't porn stars or freaks of any types. We are people just like you who wish to live our lives in the body and mind which is aligned perfectly. I can go on and on about what isn't right in my mind but there are many like me who just would like to see their lives be normal for them.

Can I give you a Hug?

I clearly didn't know what the outcome would be, but it wasn't numbers, I wanted to share myself with you because we all need to love again.

Have I touched your soul, was it a hug, was it mere words maybe laughter? I love making people feel good, bring a little happiness into their lives. Listen to them and give a little support that is all I ever do because I found a little piece of my own happiness being a wonderful friend. God what a wonderful gift I can give.

I do have one question, will this end? As I am watching the clock of health I wonder if my time is almost up, I sure hope not, my job isn't completed yet the world is still in turmoil and many others need someone like myself to bring them out of it. So is my time up?

I was sent a video this morning from the head conseil for (OII) http://www.intersexualite.org/Index.html, Curtis is a wonderful person who like me cares so much for people. While viewing it the emotional roller coaster began, the tears didn't stop flowing even after the video stopped because really all you ever need is a hug, the world will feel better again.

So here is the video to all of you and a hug from me.



As long as people know I care and am here for them, I will live in your hearts forever, one hug, one smile all the happiness I can give. I am extremely grateful for finding love and emotional happiness with all my friends everywhere, and all the new friends I will meet whether here or there.

Thank you for letting me share.....