A wonderful and dear friend of mine wrote a piece on SRS which was extremely moving, a natural woman seen what the process was that we must face when we decide to to go through the whole process. It isn't something as easy as getting stitches. 


Quoting from her " I just watched a 10 min time lapsed gender affirming surgery (or sex reassignment surgery) and OMG wow! It brought tears to my eyes - and not for the reasons you may think, I am a nurse after all! I am in awe of what the surgeons can do and how amazing the outcome is. I am thankful to be born a genetic female, I am thankful to have experienced many but not all of the joyful and painful milestones of being a woman. I love being a woman, I love women, I love being married to a woman. Some women see childbirth as a true mark of womanhood, I would say any woman that has this surgery earns her "stripes" also. The physical, social and spiritual aspects of "transition" is a journey to behold."


 

***I have lived my whole life of having my very own yet it can not be seen, it is behind a wall of skin and many years of emotions knowing I could have had been a total woman had nature been kind but have since grown to appreciate life more. One day the science community will make it normal and I will see what I have missed if I had missed anything at all. I long for the waking in the recovery room as so many others before me has but this isn't about having a VJJ this is about knowing mine is finally uncovered. To have known that I may have been able to give life from within always will be a sacrifice I keep but in the end it was worth it, I lived and that is worth more to me than all the battles I have fought. Small wars, things people only hear about and they were nothing but a blockage for my journey I did not prevail I pushed forward my journey will not end until my ashes are laid to rest upon the waters of the ocean. Then there I will continue in spirit to guide others.*** 

 


The video below features extremely clarifying, eye-opening, unsensationalized, medically matter-of-fact, step-by-step footage of the procedure for transforming the skin and tissues of a penis into a vagina. I think it is must-see. Of course, this is footage of graphic surgery and obviously features genitalia. So, be advised if you are too squeamish about blood and other bodily tissues. But personally, I think anyone trying to overcome default ingrained mental habits of thinking that there is an absolute difference between penises and vagina's needs to see this.
Not for the faint of heart : http://youtu.be/Y1vKT4JEcDc

Whats the Big Deal?

Why is it such a big deal of coming out?

I am my own person that would love the support of family and friends but if they aren't in tune then I will look like some type of fagot that wishes to wear womens clothes.

Coming out to my step mother was the hardest things I have ever done, the cold stone look she gave me was the type of look that makes people stay in the closet.

I will never forget it nor what she said when she did it. Why can't you just be gay, I don't want you parading around my work with your dress on.


??? What, have I already done this?

For over thirty five years I have worn female clothes, no one said a thing, even my ex's never said one word. Every pair of jeans, tops and underwear are female.

I made the bold statement, I am out of the closet and I am perceived as a fairy wearing womens clothes.

Who are you to judge me?

I am the same person you knew a minute ago yet the wrapper changed so that changed me?

I will tell you, it doesn't matter what you say or how you judge me. I am happy to be alive and where I can make the decision to make things right no matter the costs or who's heart I break.

It took almost a year for my stepmother to accept me, I would have cared less because I don't live my life for others.

Accept me for who I am not how I dress, or what I look like. I am a human, a person with deep feelings for others, listening is what I do best because I do care.

Everyday since I was eleven I have struggled with not being 100% female, 78% doesn't cut it because now as I sit typing this out I try to make things right. Some say I am lucky to be female inside, that it makes it easier to transition but they are so wrong. I have to be watched over medically for many diseases that women face.

Transitioning is the same for all of us, some have the funding which makes it easier, others are like me where a little goes a long way but all in all, we are the same.

So don't let others judge you because you are who you are, lets face it, everyone is different because they just are. My stepmother has struggled with her weight since I was 12 years old, she has the body of a pear but I don't make remarks about her and believe me I could come up with some really great fat jokes.

Just live your lives the way you intended to, and if someone snickers or makes remarks, ignore them.

Life is too short to hide someone so sweet.

I couldn't ask for more

What is this now you are asking yourself? Well I read many blogs during the week, many are happy, some are filled with depression but all in all they are real people experiencing the same thing I am and they are all my friends.
You would have never known there were so many people out there in the wrong bodies unless you were looking for them, I can honestly say I know a thousand easily all of whom befriended me when I first came out. From each continent, country or where ever I know someone transitioning. Where was all these people when I was younger, it would have made things easier but back then there was no internet, the library would have been a great resource had I known what I was looking for.

I wish sometimes that I was trans, that it may ease the grief I deal with on a daily basis though being me isn't that bad either. My hair is past my shoulders now, now it is dieting time. Soon I will post another video so you can see the progress of my transition. Either male or female, not bragging just happy that I can be either. So I just want to thank each and everyone with their blogs that keep me reading and comparing notes on our progress. Also to my readers, thank you so much for staying and putting up with my idle writing, the depression really does control how I think and what I will do at that moment. Now if I can get back to work, I will be the happiest person you'd ever met.


My friends are my greatest asset because there is no price that I would accept to leave them. I love you all so very much.

Thankful for waking another day

Transitioning is a very hard on people, it takes its toll on your mind, body and financial mishaps but I am thankful that I have chosen to do so, why you may be asking? Well for me it is right not alignment but because I want me to be happy. Oh I could stay the male in me and make it but the woman in me wants to be free to do as she wishes and not feel like she has to hide. Hide from what, well from people who do not understand what it is like to be in my shoes, speaking of shoes, I am wearing at tan open toe wedge sandal which is the most comfortable shoe I have even worn. Transitioning into the person we believe we are is very hard but it puts me at peace with myself and that in itself is worth the time and money that I have invested. I may be broke and going to lose my possessions but I am happy with myself.

If you feel singled out from the world you really need to see this it will change how you feel, it did for me. It is amazing how people treat others when basically we are all the same yet others think we should be like them. I love who I am, it has provided me with love for everyone and it doesn't matter who or what you are. In my eyes we are created equal everyone from being obese to being black, men or women, straight or gay it really doesn't matter as long as you are a good person I will be your friend.
My hair is now on my shoulders, but I have a skin condition now on my face that is preventing me from making a vlog which I really would love to do, show off my gorgeous hair. Hopefully I will make at least one more video soon.
I have never been singled out, everyone who knows me and people who I meet except me for who I am, I have not lost one friend since my transition which I am lucky I guess and I do feel bad others have lost loved ones as well as friends.
My brothers are learning to deal with it and my sister accepted it, I am now more a sister than I was a brother and things make sense to my family why I was who I was.
I hear others make a statement about having GRS (gender reassignment surgery) that it will bring them the woman that is inside, well I am the woman inside whether I have the grs. In my heart , mind and soul I have always been the woman not saying they are wrong for thinking that way it is what I feel, oh it would be nice to get rid of the tail especially in a swim suit. My surgery will be in 4 yours I believe because of funds unless I move to Canada :-)

Am I blabbering again one subject to the next hehe.

Hopefully by my b-day I am employed and all goes well from now until I move on to the next phase in my life.
I just wanted to say hello to everyone, let you know I am still here and I often think about each and everyone of you :-)

Sisterhood

Knowing what I know now after all these years of learning of what it is like to be a true female I can honestly say it is an incredible feeling to feel free from the worries of not fitting in.

I continue to read everyone's blogs because knowing what I know I can compare it with theirs and god knows we are all the same on this road to transition. Each one of us have our complaints, the whining of what isn't right or what needed to be completed years ago. What it would have been like to have been the female, to have that support that is needed from childhood years to now. Yes each one of us are the same, some achieving fast results and some just tugging along, but as women we all are the same.

To look at either photo of me, whether I am male or female, I am and always will be that sweet person on the inside. I am not going to sound conceited here I hope, as a man I was very handsome and truthfully I fit in with the male group. I would be brash and cruel which I made tons of friends along the way. Very successful in what I was doing and dated many women.
As a woman I have been told I am gorgeous, here again I fit in the social circle of womanhood not by looks it is my mannerism, and my attitude would best describe being a woman.

There is the wish I could have lived my life how it was supposed to be but then I realize that maybe it wasn't meant to be, god made me this way for a reason, what that reason is I can not tell you but I am happy the way I am. I still have my male traits sometimes and I guess evidently will diminish and she will stand proud amongst the rest of the women here that I call friends.

We are all the same, we come in different sizes and colors but all in all I am proud to say I am you and you are me. I will stand by your side, hold your hand and give you the strength to push forward because I want nothing more to see you smile, feel your achievements and become your friend because ladies I love each one of you more than you actually know. So continue bitching, whining and yelling at the world for the what ifs and push forward, I will always be here for you no matter what.

Has Society really changed...

Has it really changed or is it the fact that people are more educated than they were in the past. We still hear about young girls being murdered for no other reason other than they were different, not your "typical or natural" girl.

I am talking of the trial of Angie Zapata's killer who in my eyes should go through the exact same treatment he caused her. That girl was stunning her beauty like no other I have seen in such a long time and have some idiot that is hateful to others to whisk her life away because?? Well this is the reasons so many hide, so many decide it isn't worth dying over. I would rather be miserable not living my true self than to be my true self only to be killed.

I need to ask why some of society is still unaware of what is going on, we need to educate and asks ourselves what can we do to help with this plague of hate amongst ourselves. In my eyes we are all and I mean ALL the same, there isn't male, female, fat, thin, black or white. We are all the same, our wrappers are different but the insides are the very same. We are human, why is it animals can get along just fine. Is it a social acceptance amongst ourselves, where if you don't fit you get verbal out cries or worse beaten because you are different. Why is it this way, why do children grow up to be bashers, education should be brought into the picture to help these children to become ideal citizens and not be held behind bars because they were educated wrong.

I understand we are all different and that is good because if we were all the same life would surely be unpleasant. I have grown my hair over my shoulders and my father whom I love with all my heart ridicules me everyday over it making statements that I need a haircut. Education to him is hard because he is older and though he isn't violent the insults are just as harmful.
My wrapper changed and so in doing so people think I changed along with it, that isn't so but to them I am different.

The social background that I grew to love everyday amongst my friends has come to a mere handful, everyone that was behind me has ceased to call or inquire what I am up to. This is another reason why I hid all those years, I am a social butterfly, I love being around people and yet I sit in this house day in and day out because I am an outcast to the people I grew to love.

Well I will not curl up in a ball and hide under a rock because people do not like me for who I am, they will need to accept me for me or turn the other cheek. Our world is plagued with such nonsense such as hate and it must be stopped. We as a whole must educate people when they are younger and hopefully correct the older ones as well in order to live a quiet life with the many we are around, remember we are ALL the same just our wrappers are different.

With that said, hopefully there will be no more bad incidents like poor Angie Zapata who was born with the wrong body and people accept people for who they are not what they look like.

I am proud of it

Often I catch myself wondering the what if's, the would of, could of, should of, in a world that wasn't ready for a person as myself. Transitioning wasn't an option because the world I live in has severe prejudice and I didn't wish to be hurt, so I opt to wait it out. I started purchasing my shoes in 2000, my divorce was final and I could pursue my female self. Now mind you I wouldn't step out til 2008 but learning of who I am and why this happen to me was extremely important.
Clothing wouldn't be an option since I always bought bigger clothes to hide my feminine frame and my chest wasn't exactly male. I may have a leg up on my girl friends who are transgender but all in all we are women there isn't a race to get where we should be, I for one am taking my time.

I discovered something while talking with girl friends that was male side often pops up in our conversations, this is the need to be heard which I believe is the reason I have been in hiding again. The depression is so overwhelming I can not move for fear of a break down. Thankfully I sought help and am much better. The damn ghosts come back when I least expect them too.

As a woman, I for one have achieved my level of satisfaction, that saying that my emotional status is up to par. Physically my body has changed over the course of 36 years but more importantly I have a nice chest development. I lost complete control of sexual responses back in 97, yes it is not used for that no longer but I don't think about and there are other ways to make yourself feel good.

As I prepare my day of errands a thought comes to mind; if you are feeling bad or down about your transition,don't, it takes time and really you have a life time ahead of you so enjoy it while you can.

A Star was Born

Well I finally did it, I pushed the envolope and put myself on YouTube. I guess I have been thinking about it for sometime and really I am out so why not show the rest of the world, I have nothing to be ashamed of and that is that. So without further ado my first video for all of you to view.




It was fun to make, but by god my voice is terrible.
Love Shauna

Did you see him??

I believe I am the first to post my male photo on a blog, what harm is it and why should I hide such a wonderful man. He has done so much for people and for me as well, he kept me from harms way and he continues to do so without my asking. Gentle and kind is the best I can describe of him, hard headed at times but he will give you the shirt off his back in the dead of winter so you won't be cold.
He has a good heart, never to say no to anyone that is in need that is why he is such a wonderful man.

Yes he is my male soul and I love him so much, and I am not embarrassed or afraid of what people will say to us if they see our photos. I am liberated to share my personal thoughts and myself who wishes to know, I have nothing to hide anymore!


Today I completed the update on the website OPALGA which I volunteered to do because I didn't know much of how to do it but it still was something I wanted to learn, and you know what I became their webmistress, I like the sound of that title. Volunteering for things that are important is something I do best. Next week Monday, I will be sharing my coming out to the LGBT youths of Oak Park, Illinois.

I was asked by the teens if I would and I said yes of course. To describe my adventure of the years gone by will be my biggest challenge besides living and I am just finding out what that really means lately.

As I look into my future I have big plans for myself, SRS and scalp reduction are two of them but the body modifications I wish to have will also bring out the beauty in me. Not saying much because with everything there is a price and I have to discuss it with Shawn and the doctor first.

Also I am seeking a career change, I want to teach since I am really good with children and teens I believe I can help make a difference in this world. If I could teach them computers that would be fantastic but if it were another subject such as history or English I would like to do that too.

So when you see the two of us on a site or you see either of us on the street, say hello, Shawn loves to talk and I love to listen. So here is to us, trying to help all that we can along the road of our journey.

Thank you for stopping by.....

What types of education do Americans need to understand?

The NTAC.org and PSA.org has a commercial that should run here in the United States to help the uneducated people that don't understand why we are people just like them. I don't have the equipment to push this information over the air like other countries but I do publish what I feel is right. The society lives behind a curtain of male and just female because of organizations feeding them a line of misinformation which should be stopped. Here is the video that could very well start the education process.



Then you have places like New York and Illinois that are trying to make it simpler for the transgender community. See we aren't porn stars or freaks of any types. We are people just like you who wish to live our lives in the body and mind which is aligned perfectly. I can go on and on about what isn't right in my mind but there are many like me who just would like to see their lives be normal for them.

Mothers and acceptance

I have read so many blogs that sometimes I have to go make just to make sure I didn't read it twice. Mothers are always in the subject somewhere in there, and I find it and read all I can because all reactions are different on when girls and boys come out.

Some are so hurtful I just shake my head and ask why does it have to be this way. Others make me smile, laugh and cry because it feels like I am there like a fly on the wall watching and listening.

You see I can't tell my mother, I can talk to her and maybe she can hear me but I can not see her. I can't feel her arms around me, surely I know she does that when I am sad, and god knows she is watching over me while I am ill. But I would love to see her smile one more time, hear her voice when she tells me that she misses me but most of all say 'hello mom, I am now your daughter' because I know that is what she would have wanted.

So when I read a blog or two, you can be sure I am looking for coming out to mom stories.

Thank you Mom