A wonderful and dear friend of mine wrote a piece on SRS which was extremely moving, a natural woman seen what the process was that we must face when we decide to to go through the whole process. It isn't something as easy as getting stitches. 


Quoting from her " I just watched a 10 min time lapsed gender affirming surgery (or sex reassignment surgery) and OMG wow! It brought tears to my eyes - and not for the reasons you may think, I am a nurse after all! I am in awe of what the surgeons can do and how amazing the outcome is. I am thankful to be born a genetic female, I am thankful to have experienced many but not all of the joyful and painful milestones of being a woman. I love being a woman, I love women, I love being married to a woman. Some women see childbirth as a true mark of womanhood, I would say any woman that has this surgery earns her "stripes" also. The physical, social and spiritual aspects of "transition" is a journey to behold."


 

***I have lived my whole life of having my very own yet it can not be seen, it is behind a wall of skin and many years of emotions knowing I could have had been a total woman had nature been kind but have since grown to appreciate life more. One day the science community will make it normal and I will see what I have missed if I had missed anything at all. I long for the waking in the recovery room as so many others before me has but this isn't about having a VJJ this is about knowing mine is finally uncovered. To have known that I may have been able to give life from within always will be a sacrifice I keep but in the end it was worth it, I lived and that is worth more to me than all the battles I have fought. Small wars, things people only hear about and they were nothing but a blockage for my journey I did not prevail I pushed forward my journey will not end until my ashes are laid to rest upon the waters of the ocean. Then there I will continue in spirit to guide others.*** 

 


The video below features extremely clarifying, eye-opening, unsensationalized, medically matter-of-fact, step-by-step footage of the procedure for transforming the skin and tissues of a penis into a vagina. I think it is must-see. Of course, this is footage of graphic surgery and obviously features genitalia. So, be advised if you are too squeamish about blood and other bodily tissues. But personally, I think anyone trying to overcome default ingrained mental habits of thinking that there is an absolute difference between penises and vagina's needs to see this.
Not for the faint of heart : http://youtu.be/Y1vKT4JEcDc

You will never stop me

Amazing things seem to happen to me, hurdles that seem tough that I easily get over. Mountains of issues that have tried to stop me from becoming who I am but I keep pushing to show even the smallest thing can be overcome if you try. From the time I was born to now, living as a man for others, I have tried to commit suicide, gall bladder, back surgery 2 times,spinal surgery. shattered both my heels and ankles, ovarian cyst, stage 3 cancer,losing my hair to chemo twice, 3 Blood Clots and god knows what else is planned for my future. With that said, I believe I will fight and win as I always have to show life is precious and there is nothing in this universe that will prevent me from succeeding. 

As you can see, I have moved forward with my life, I am a legal and have been a female from the time I was born now able to live my life as such. Any regrets, no, I have the most awesome friends and if I were to change just one thing in my past it would alter who I have become. No regrets!!

Your life is yours, nothing can take that away unless you give up. If you need help in any way, I will hold your hand and help you overcome that hurdle we can do it together. ♥ ♥ ♥

Just trust yourself because I did.

I have wrriten about many things

So with that said here is something that means more to me than my transition, it is who protects us so we may transition safely.



Thank you all who is still serving....

Just a friendly hello

A friend of mine posted a video that describes people hurting from today's unemployment situation and made me realize I am somewhat like them.





No I am not living on the streets with my hand out looking for relief. I am looking for work whether it is the IT field or pushing a broom, it really doesn't matter as long as I can pay my bills. I have a brother who stands on the corner with a sign asking for help, how he could do this is beyond me. We were taught never to ask for charity yet he too is out of work.

I came up with an idea that will change my life as well as many others when I get back on my feet, I will open a savings account and donate $20.00 from every paycheck to this savings for the homeless here in the United States. I can not see such a free country hurting as I do, this reminds me of the depression that my mother used to tell me about when I was little. So in order for me to continue in life as the person that I am, I will start this as soon as I am able. Maybe it may help others and maybe not, but at least I am someone who cares for all man kind.

My transition came to a halt 4 months ago, all funds for it ran dry so now all I can do is pray that something comes my way. This isn't going to be a long post just wanted all of you to know I haven't given up, as long as I am able to wake up each and every morning I have the desire to live. So I will keep you posted and hopefully one day I will be excited enough to say I am working again.

Love you all....

Shauna, where are you?

Welcome to my blog for those who are new and for my followers, this is my first post for March by god it was a slow month in February thanks to SecondLife that game is so addicting.

My transition is the only thing on course, without employment insurance my operation will be on hold but my bi monthly injections will continue. I paid for all my medical in advance and am thankful for it too. I have 5 months left in estrogen and spiro to continue with the proestrogen was taken away it was giving me too much main in my chest development.

So whats new, nothing really am not able to find a job anywhere and that is upsetting since I am a network engineer but I am surviving only because of side work which helps pay the bills but not the mortgage. I charge the least but it still doesn't bring in enough clients because we are in a recession thanks to a mighty stupid man who really screwed this country up. This recession is so depressing I wish things would pick up, in my neighborhood six house are in foreclosure because people aren't working and they can not pay the bills without work. I have even thought of moving to another state but it is happening everywhere, no work.

***What is happening with secondlife, Shauna is nine months pregnant with two weeks left, the baby will finally arrive. I purchased a small island and had a girl friend build a castle on it. It is truly beautiful with water and mountains all around it. Secondlife is addicting in a way but it also provides me a path to get away from my depression and I also learned to type faster since I talk with my fingers and not my mouth. Now with 380 friends throughout the world, secondlife has given me my enjoyment.***

As for health, 4 weeks ago I passed a kidney stone that was huge but nothing compared to the one I am trying to pass now, it is stuck in the uretha but it isn't as painful as the others in the past. Only because it is stuck and once is dislodges all hell will break loose LOL. So that is what is happening here in my life.

My hair is so much longer now, my bangs are on my chin so I have to have it styled somehow so it looks nice and manageable because the way it is now, I am tempted to shave my head.

It is almost one year since I announced my difference in the world. So much has happened since that day, my friends are still with me but not like with my male side. I have done speakings and an interview for a newspaper. My shoe collection has come to a hold till I am working again but I have 200+ shoes, the secret to buying shoes is get the style you like at a fantastic price and purchase 3 pair red, white, and black because you will regret it when you wear an outfit and it calls for those colors. I also only have two purses, someday I will get something different but I really like the shoulder purse and I wish I had used it in my past, the storage is fantastic. My pockets could never carry all of that.

Ok that is it for the month of March and I am so sorry for not keeping up with this blog, being depressed sure doesn't help and I am hopefully waiting to go back to work. Until next time I hope you all are healthy and happy.

Love you all very much
Shauna

Hormones and what happens

So I have explained some of the actions the transgenders must do to become the soul who resides in the body.
With the young lady having her breasts removed, and her forearm shaved to form a penis we have the male who will undertake Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) replaces the hormones naturally occurring in their bodies with those of the other. Both genders must be on this in order to transition. Please do not take without a doctors recommend advice because it is extremely dangerous.

Most transmen( female to male or FTM) report an increase of energy and an increased sex drive. Many also report feeling more confident. While a high level of testosterone is often associated with an increase in aggression, this is not a noticeable effect in most transmen. The changes they get are deepening of the voice, hair growth face and chest. Some transmen are unable to pass as men without hormones. The most commonly cited reason for this is that their voice may reveal them.

Now for the transwomen(male to female or MTF) HRT often includes estrogens and progestagens which has a significant psychological impact, which is hard to distinguish from hormonally induced changes. Many also report feeling more confident. breast development, enlarged nipples and aureoles, stretch marks (for some), thinner skin, significantly reduced body hair, change in body odor and sweat production, redistribution of body fat.

I want you to know most of these changes are irreversible, so before you even think you want this be sure you have accepted yourself fully as a transgender.

Now if you have read this carefully without skimming, you will see that becoming who you are supposed to be isn't a easy process and financially will break you.

Will he always be an ass?

My father and I were driving together towards the Super Target yesterday, here I thought he would be decent to me, you know no insults and bad behavior, I so try to give him a little credit just so I know that it is the right thing to do but as always I am so stupid that he takes full advantage of me and gives me one insult after the other until I look at him and say why must you be such an ass towards me all these years, we are talking 47 years of my life that all you do is give me one shot after the other? Which he just looks at me and gives me yet another insult where I state with a evil smirk on my face "whats to say I open the door while we are driving and you fall out and when asked I'd say you accidentally got your arm caught in the door which you fell and since I am the driver, I'd back up on you and give you a shot for a change."

The rest of the afternoon my father was on his best behavior, I guess our little talked helped.

After our wonderful shopping trip we headed back home, it was nice and peaceful. My father who is 74 years old drives slower than any handicap and is usually flashed a finger from old ladies driving to bingo.
We arrive at the light which some young guy pulls up on our right side, if I had my truck I mumble to myself, to which my father, who by the way has been really quiet up to now asks "what was that"? I said if I had my truck this kid wouldn't be jumping in front of me at the light.
I know for a fact the hormone T was working overtime now.

Which my father said well 'I could let him go and just follow him. Why burn the gas if I don't need to.'

So I said yes that is what YOU would do, but we were talking about me and my truck.

The light turned green and low and behold Driving Mrs Daisy was off for the day, he was off the line in a flash, something I have never witness a day in my life, he beat that kid with a minivan which actually caught my breath and believe it or not made me proud he was my dad (even if he can be a jerk sometimes) at that moment.

It was something, to see my father who I swear drives slow and cautious, he just doesn't drive like that. I believe he was trying to make up for being an ass to me.
He and I laughed like father and daughter that afternoon, and I laughed even harder when the guy turned into the parking lot, the guy didn't want to get in front of my dad. Dad didn't even noticed the guy wasn't behind him.

So there you have it, a crazy trip to the store which turned out pretty good after all.

As I sit here typing this post I am in tears, because sometimes my dad can be such an ass but for a brief moment all the pain just slips away.

Who would have thought

Thirty six years ago transsexual wasn't quite the word I was looking for in the library to describe why I was different than my brothers. Intersex wasn't even used yet, it would be many years later before such a word came from my lips and knowing what it meant was a whole different matter.

I have walked in between genders for so long, knowing well enough that it wasn't safe to step out into a society that wasn't ready for someone like me. So here I am today transitioning, transitioning is something God didn't finish or maybe he meant for me to be this way. All I know is once I began this journey I knew I wouldn't be happy till I was finished.
I am handsome and beautiful, man and woman. I know this from others who have told me. I never considered myself either, that word is a description I am uncomfortable with. I find myself to be average and that is all.

I can say that what I have learned over the years has prepared me for my SRS, life is an experience that you will not learn from a book trust me on this. So I will wait, this surgery is a one time shot no turning back if you aren't happy with it. Nope this is final! It isn’t like a dress that didn’t fit or look right on you. This surgery doesn't make you a woman, the woman is you before the operation so unless you actually feel what it is being her, I wouldn't even think about SRS.

Then there is all the cosmetic surgeries, I can not describe how many young girls inquire about their chest being too small. Before you whip open your bra, to have the doctor cut your chest open to make a pocket and shove a silicon orb into it, I would suggest waiting for the hormones to sink into the system.Nature is a wonderful thing, feeling your body change that was once flat into something so lovely. I have beautiful breasts though not big but they are mine. No foreign object making a impression for all the world to see. Feeling puberty is the greatest thing a woman can experience, I know I have done it twice. I walk around with sore boobies all the time but they are real.

All the different things to happen to your body, the different ways to achieve to be a woman. Redefining what isn’t female, the scalp, forehead, jaw line, cheeks and the list goes on.
Why are so many in a hurry, there isn't a race to become who we are, I hear it so many times of what they want to do and they are in a hurry.

The biggest pleasure I used to have were my electronics, I own so much I am a tech junkie, I have ipods, palm pilots, Xbox360, playstation3, laptops, computers and servers. Giant LCD TV to 103 inch monitor for my computer, and to top it off theater 8 to 1 surround sound. I have it all, why I have so much, I have no ideal it was my ego to achieve this goal.

Now my biggest possession believe it or not isn't my 200 plus shoe collection. Or the electronics that makes you tingle when you first walk into my home. It isn’t my house or my sport pickup truck.

It is me and my health, I would give up all my toys, all my shoes and all my money just to feel healthy again.

I don't need to feel stitches in my skin from a cosmetic surgery I wanted, or feel myself in a strange bed waiting for my face to heal with the bruising and discoloration because my cheeks aren't feminine enough, the gauze hiding the hindered swelling from a shaved brow. To see two large orbs and pressure on my chest because I needed breasts. Imagine the dull ache between my legs that once support a male organ. These are changes we all seek to become a woman and are in a race to get it. Why is it this way? When I was a child I only wanted to know why I was different, not cutting my body up to get the answer.

So here I am 36 years later, wondering daily if I will wake the next day with no pain, my insides are moving again, changing as I type this. It is in turmoil over a tiny thing attached to my ovary. I am Intersex that special word that change everything and my ovary, the one thing that defines me as a woman had made me ill. No, I am in no hurry for surgeries; I am who I am trying to survive.

Who would have thought this all started sitting in a library?

What types of education do Americans need to understand?

The NTAC.org and PSA.org has a commercial that should run here in the United States to help the uneducated people that don't understand why we are people just like them. I don't have the equipment to push this information over the air like other countries but I do publish what I feel is right. The society lives behind a curtain of male and just female because of organizations feeding them a line of misinformation which should be stopped. Here is the video that could very well start the education process.



Then you have places like New York and Illinois that are trying to make it simpler for the transgender community. See we aren't porn stars or freaks of any types. We are people just like you who wish to live our lives in the body and mind which is aligned perfectly. I can go on and on about what isn't right in my mind but there are many like me who just would like to see their lives be normal for them.

A new beginning

It is the first time in years I awoke to no pain, no blood and the feeling of a wonderful morning. Actually I thought I died, I asked myself is this what death is supposed to feel like I mean no pain total bliss. I realized I was just waking up, the morning was bright and the weather not as cold.
As I rolled out from under my duvet and ran to the bathroom I noticed no blood for a change, I cried it was so real knowing I am alive and healthy. Could it be, could I be on the path of being myself again. I really don't know for sure but I will enjoy this one healthy pain free day.
You know I do have many things I want to finish before I leave, and if I am ill I will force myself to finish what was given to me.

Returning your happiness...

Ranting on November fifth

Good day all now with the election over, the fight for rights has just begun. Prop 8 was supposed to be a NO and well it is just a start for all of us. I am very displeased and disappointed to say the least but I will no stop fighting for our rights.

I wanted to emphasize with all my friends here that are transitioning, whether we are male to female or female to male that your freedom and rights are something I will continue to fight for. I am a small person but I will not sit down and pretend there isn't a problem.

Election night when all was said and done, I thought of my transition and how it is different from my friends. I didn't grow up my brain telling me something was wrong, knowing you are different than other boys and girls, I just fit in. I didn't want the world knowing who I was and at times now I still continue to fade from people knowing, I am not ashamed, why would I be? I am different on the inside but on the out I am still the same god made me for a purpose, what that purpose is I don't know quite yet.

While chatting with my T-girl friends I feel guilty, I don't know why I do but it is there the guilt. Am I more woman than my friends? I don't think so, so why do I feel this way? Too many questions and not enough answers.

I need to purchase pantyhose to wear as a training device, a girl friend said this will show me what it is like to become a girl, another question how will this happen? It is pantyhose for god sake.

The walk we took, (a gg friend and I take a fast walk everyday to rid us of fat) I think it popped my sciatic nerve in my right buttock damn it to hell. I need to have curves in the right places without surgery. I want to be able to wear the proper skirt suit or pants suit when I do transition of the job, but now with my tummy I feel like an elf trying out for Santa's helper. That is one down fall I have is the tummy, everything on me is fantastically tuned and tone even my ass is great but the tummy is a reminder I am part male.


The leaves are falling no more summer months and hibernation is settling in for folks in the Midwest, pretty golds, browns and reds I like looking at color it is a reminder I am alive to enjoy what nature put out for us to enjoy.

So on to raking and blowing my leaves, and turning them into mulch for my beautiful lawn and flowerbeds. Who wants to look at leaves when the winter covers it all in white?

Happy election everyone...love you all.