Humanity...where is it??

Oh wow, what a fantastic video the power of his words are what I fight for everyday at the end I was and still am in tears because its true. 

I have witnessed so much in the last 40 years in ways people would back away shaking their heads having no part and it takes a strong mind and a loving heart to want what I am seeking.


So please take a few minutes in your day, watch what he emphasizes and be sure I am one of the many that is fighting for our equality as a human to live freely.

I am no one without you and only you can make a difference...please pass this on. ♥ ♥ ♥

HUMANITY ...is it lost?  <<<<<<  Please click link its safe.

Fear in losing what is not ours

What is sad with our loves and friendships is how personal they are or not. People in general are creatures of habit, either they like something for what it is or they don't, no changing that. Others either love changes as where when we cha

nge they are displeased and disappear. I prefer my friends and family be honest up front this way nothing is sugar coated and the hurt isn't prolonged to a time I am most vulnerable.

I have read and heard many tragic stories involving friendships where the transwoman or man lost friends and had to start over and its heart breaking, what I suggest is its like beginning a new life and the people you meet with know you as you are and the friendship will grow from there. The same went with the gay community, the same person they knew the day before are no longer a friend. What changes this I often ask, we are who we are and we should be accepted.

My friends and there are many of them, some stayed and are truly the love in my friendship, they care about me and I them. Many pretended they cared and disappeared, oh well I can't please everyone. And my male friends, well I lost the bonding, the male privilege we once had, now I am a woman to them. 

And then I have a few other males that know me from the inside, where the awesomeness starts from and has stayed over the years of this mighty long and extremely difficult journey.

So what I am saying, true friends will be there to hold your hand, stand behind you and not turn their back on someone so awesome to change the appearance and not change the person they really met (Inside) because frankly we are all eye candy or as I say, wrappers, its what is INSIDE that counts and that is just how it is.

I will be your friend always, I will care about you and be there when you need me most and most of all love the person which who you are ♥♥♥

Whats the Big Deal?

Why is it such a big deal of coming out?

I am my own person that would love the support of family and friends but if they aren't in tune then I will look like some type of fagot that wishes to wear womens clothes.

Coming out to my step mother was the hardest things I have ever done, the cold stone look she gave me was the type of look that makes people stay in the closet.

I will never forget it nor what she said when she did it. Why can't you just be gay, I don't want you parading around my work with your dress on.


??? What, have I already done this?

For over thirty five years I have worn female clothes, no one said a thing, even my ex's never said one word. Every pair of jeans, tops and underwear are female.

I made the bold statement, I am out of the closet and I am perceived as a fairy wearing womens clothes.

Who are you to judge me?

I am the same person you knew a minute ago yet the wrapper changed so that changed me?

I will tell you, it doesn't matter what you say or how you judge me. I am happy to be alive and where I can make the decision to make things right no matter the costs or who's heart I break.

It took almost a year for my stepmother to accept me, I would have cared less because I don't live my life for others.

Accept me for who I am not how I dress, or what I look like. I am a human, a person with deep feelings for others, listening is what I do best because I do care.

Everyday since I was eleven I have struggled with not being 100% female, 78% doesn't cut it because now as I sit typing this out I try to make things right. Some say I am lucky to be female inside, that it makes it easier to transition but they are so wrong. I have to be watched over medically for many diseases that women face.

Transitioning is the same for all of us, some have the funding which makes it easier, others are like me where a little goes a long way but all in all, we are the same.

So don't let others judge you because you are who you are, lets face it, everyone is different because they just are. My stepmother has struggled with her weight since I was 12 years old, she has the body of a pear but I don't make remarks about her and believe me I could come up with some really great fat jokes.

Just live your lives the way you intended to, and if someone snickers or makes remarks, ignore them.

Life is too short to hide someone so sweet.

I love every creature..even if they don't love me

Gender expression is something we ALL do, even straight macho males driving big trucks to dainty ladies with small green type cars. We socialize yet the hate is so strong that it is frightening. I found a wonderful video that expresses how we all should look upon haters.



Humans are the most least forgiving creature god created, animals get along with one another yet when some person looks or acts different either they are ridiculed or worse beaten.

I would love to live somewhere where we all get along no matter what we look like, that video even showed down syndrome people which is another birth defect yet there are haters for them as well. Life is only as good as your surroundings and to think haters are all around us, so to them f_ck you very much.

How crazy is that?

The news media is playing some thing regarding cigarettes making children into homosexuals, now really what does that have to do with smoking?

"Smoking" campaigns have always tried to get someone to light up and be addicted to nicotine as alot of you know and then you have the "No Smoking" campaigns that describe what smoking does to your body.
You have a doctor or a movie star promoting a cigarette do you think it is good for you? Does it influence you to become a doctor? I think not but then why do they make ads like this?

Through the years I have stopped, one time for 5 years only to jump back into it for who knows the reason I just did. It isn't the easiest habit to stop and I don't care to hear "if you want to stop you will" because that is BS.

Willing and addiction are two different things, I was addicted to cocaine for two years, waiting for my next line was something I did every couple days and I walked away from it one day. I stopped snorting that drug and it was really easy.

Smoking on the other hand wasn't as easy, the cravings for something that taste god awful and made your clothes, hair, skin and your home smell dirty. Also declines your health, make it harder to breathe or exercise. It played a key part of my life, coffee in the morning, after eating and driving down the road, also on the computer I would smoke and not even know I had lit up. Now you may say something like change your habits, HOW? I had to eat & drive.

Smoking doesn't make you a fag, homo, gay or anything in that description, it shows that you are addicted to nicotine and need help in getting it out of your system.

After reviewing that ad I was pissed because people in general are so inclined to blame sex on anything in order to influence a child into thinking differently about people themselves. Make haters out of children so they don't smoke.

Well the next time you light up a cigarette and your puffing away, the child next to you will think that you are gay because you smoke.

Is that why I am a lesbian?

On a picnic with the LGBT

I was asked to join the board members of OPLGA (Oak Park Lesbian and Gay Association) on Sunday for a get together. I am their web mistress, which I provide them with updates on their website and some of you may be asking am I paid for this, no it is volunteering because I know very little of being a web mistress and this is great practice.
So on Sunday, I had left my house wearing a pair of low rise jeans, pink polo shirt, and a black pair of reeboks. As I pulled my hair into a pony tail after curling it with a curling iron, I thought it would be best in a pony tail since it was windy out and who wants hair in their face? As I was heading out the door I noticed it was slightly chilly which if it weren't for the changes in my body I may have been able to tolerate the chill in the air, so I grabbed a fleece just in case it were to get cold.
Well it was chilly when I got to my destination so out came the fleece and away I went. Stepping up to Mike's house was very nice, I loved the landscaping and huge backyard. All my friends were there as well as 2 of my neighbors whom are lesbian.
I first felt strange being there amongst the gay and lesbians because I am not a true transgender, my being intersex throws me off a bit and since I do not mingle with the community like I once used to, being Shauna in this state would throw anyone off. A cross between a woman and man, I just wish I transitioned already and get on with my life but being unemployed has stopped all processes because lets face it, transitioning cost money.
The picnic was fantastic, hamburgers, brauts, corn, and many different salads. I chose not to drink anything because it was too chilly outside for my liking and each and everyone there knew I was cold by the way I was shaking lol.

After eating desert which was very very fattening but oh so delicious, a dark chocolate, whip cream and cream cheese and nut crust OMG mouth is watering for that again.
We sat around and talked til it was time to go sit in my much needed heated truck, this lady was frozen hehe.

I just want to say I had a wonderful time, and felt extra special because I am excepted no matter where I go. Its the getting out of the depression that prevents me from having fun. So my advice which I will follow as well, don't let something like depression foul your fun.

Purse and Boots, not the fairytale

I had a discussion today with a client, now mind you people in general can not figure me out whether I am male or female and I have no problem with it. Some days I am male and some I do look female, I live in both genders so I guess people do get mixed feelings and ask either be the male or the female but not both. I just tell them my female side will be legal in April and I am getting used to the water so to speak :-)

So the client whom is the nicest man you would want to meet, a little hyperactive and probably rip your head off if you cross him or hurt someone he knows, but all in all a very sweet man. He and I were talking tonight about genders and sexuality, and the fact I am different than anyone he has ever met.
He knows gay people and he is fine with it, but an Intersex male/female kind of through him off a bit but he is fine with it.

He likes me and he said I quote "you are the sweetest and most honest person" and he didn't see the tear escape from my eye. When I hear that from people, I know I am doing a good job and making people happy. That is what I live for, I love laughter and happiness all around me so to hear words that describe me in that fashion, I take it to heart.

I will call him C, because client is way to long to keep writing and besides his name starts with a C. In a way I am happy he is a client and friend, I work for him but not his company if you know what I mean. He isn't a 9 to 5 kind of job.
So to get on with my story, he and I were chatting about how difficult it is to be in my shoes, C said it had to be the hardest thing to be me, actually it is rough and I go to the cemetery spend some time there and come home listen to music and find myself, as long as I can find myself I am alright.

I drove to C's business as Shawn, yes I do that, dressed as Shauna. Boy that sounds crazy but if I get pulled over, Shawn has the license and insurance, Shauna doesn't even have a permit. So I drive as Shawn there and all is fine, but today I did something I have never done before, I wear a scrunchy to pull my hair back while I drive or work on something, I applied some lipstick and my glasses because I have a hard time with signs at night. I look in the rear view mirror and smile, Shauna is looking back and she is driving as well. What a rush, you haven't a clue what I am babbling about, I look like any woman on the road driving my cute little pickup truck.

Now I should take this as a compliment, so anyhow I pull up to the light and up creeps another pickup and there is a man in it he smiles and waves, I smile back and pull up not being rude and he pulls up and is looking, now this is creepy so I move up and he does the same so ignore him, I pretend I am on the phone and pray the light changes. What is with men doing that, yes it is a compliment that he finds me attractive but please don't don't keep moving up to check a woman out that isn't interested. Ugghh!

A delivery from UPS has enlighten my day, my Christmas have arrived, I had ordered from Khols with my gift cards a pair of boots almost like UGG without the price and a very cute black shoulder purse also a pink scarf, hat and gloves which are so cute but they haven't been delivered. I have now two purses, but this one is a shoulder type and it is very useful so I try it on and I fill it up with Kleenex and makeup that I use daily oh and attached my cellphone to the strap, then of all things 4 flash drives (hey I am a computer girl what can I say). I called my sister since she is one of my gift cards, and let her know what she bought me and she was very supportive and she wanted to see them. I will show her soon, but since my father is non supportive I have to trend softly because he is a heartache to my gender issues.

No matter how much you explain to him what I am about, when it was discovered and all the medical evidence he refuses to believe that his son is now gay dressing as a woman. So I prefer to stay away from him dressed as myself and besides he is 74 years old and not well. So on Sunday I was going to show my sister my new purse and boots, but it could wait until I see her alone.

Anyway I got distracted, tired I guess, I should be in bed but I am cleaning a virus off my client's laptop and I couldn't sleep.

So yes Mr C. , you do not want to walk in my shoes no matter what pair, most people won't because of the craziness and the depression I get but I am happy either way because after all I am Shauna.

Homophobic

I have a wonderful friend whom I love the heck out of but he is very homophobic, gets nervous when he sees me now and we have known each other for 24 years. So While I am writing my new post here is something for you to enjoy during my absence and hope he enjoys it as well.




And so here goes what I think of society who are homophobic and prejudice.

Who am I and what have I done for you?

Hello my name is Shauna, and many of my readers know this already but there are many more that stop by each and everyday. I write about what I have seen or what someone else is having difficulties with and comment to see if I can help. So many problems in this world, can I solve all of them? I sure will try, and it will not be easy. Will I get my wings one day?

So who am I , or who do I claim to be. Well I am a nobody, but I have found that as a nobody I am somebody. I have captured minds with mere words in print, of my travels, imagination and how the world looks at things from the other side of the glass.

Tonight I went and had a speech to read to teens, it was truly a wonderful experience sharing my life and knowledge with the Teen LGBT. Nothing like capturing young minds with descriptions of my past, the oh's and awes are the best. I see myself in many of them, the girls I envy so much because that is where I was once but in the wrong wrapper.
As I continue reading from my past some of the scary things I see it on their faces, the frightening expressions and also the tears of how a terrible day in October changed my life forever.

Questions come flying in from both the girls and boys which I try as I may to answer all, and I am invited to join their organization which I of course accept. It is an honor to have had a great audience and just thick I have another big group of teens next month to talk to.

Now what have I done to make you smile, make you think of me. Was it my comment on your blog, was it something I said here. I often wonder how I capture your hearts, I was told it is a gift and I can not see it. I speak from my heart and listen with my ears, I hear the words not the sound it produces and try to work the wrongs into rights.

QUOTED FROM A FRIEND:
You do SO much for people that you don't even know, that's totally awesome, We care about you and honestly don't want to lose you and You can deny it until you're blue in the face, but that doesn't make it so. You are special, very special. Everyone is special but you are more so. You have a warmth and compassion that not everyone has. Be gracious and just accept their love for you. You can still do what you do, And be loved in return too.

So in closing I will sit and ponder these thoughts that aimlessly roll around in my head, see if I can figure out who I am, why I am this way, and what have I done for you lately!

Here is a man that touched my heart like I touch others

My America

This is why I am so proud of serving in the US Navy, these videos had tears streaming down my cheeks.





I know we can join as a union hand in hand, the ignorance and bigotry just need to be educated. I have seen so much despair in this world, poverty, children without parents and famine these nasty heartfelt sorrows were corrected in ways that had given me hope. This place I call home I believe in my heart can also be fixed. With education, it is the only way. We need to stand together as brother, sister, mother, father, friends, family forever and always.





Stop the fighting, the prejudice, the ignorance, the poverty and begin helping and loving thy neighbor that is all I ever ask for in my prayers.



See we can make a difference, stand together and be Americans.