The woman in me

I had a really rough year in 2011, who would of known it would be filled with the thought of death from a deadly disease and losing a fantastic job I believe was from the cancer.

Discovering the cancer in June 2011 I fought for what is mine and I can honestly say it never had a chance of taking my life.

So now it is 2012, I moved back to Illinois from Virginia. A job was promised to me but would find out the company lied and will not answer calls or emails.

Seen the new chemo doctor in Illinois, she had MRI, Pet Scan and CT scans done on me...
with a huge smile the doctor gives me the news. I am officially in remission, the cancer, tumor is completely gone. The damage it left behind is completely healed, no reconstruction surgery is needed.

I have been seeing my therapist whom also gave me my first letter and also the doctor who will be my gender and general practitioner.

Today, Monday the 12, I have returned from my doctor. I have had full blood tests, full physical and every lab they can come up to be sure I have no trace of cancer anywhere. My hormones were a huge question the testosterone is under 120 and a nonexistent prostrate was found ( no chance of cancer there). Normal total testosterone levels range from 300 - 1000 ng/dL. I had also a chromosome test and it states my results are 47,XXY which is Klinefelter syndrome.


For the longest time what I was expressing to friends and family I was female and was laughed at or made fun of or was told it was a phase in my life, well for all medical and legal matters I am genetically female, the only male existence is the penis. I have estrogen in my body at the level 45, the average female is between 25 – 75. I am now officially just using estrogen, no spiro and no pre estrogen.

So for two months I have been searching for work, then I get a call from Ricoh asking me to apply there. I was given three interviews while competing against 200 people. Ricoh gave me a offer letter yesterday 03/2012.

Wow alot has happen since I wrote last. I am planning surgery for my complete srs and breasts which is needed hehe, too small on top. I will keep you all in touch as my hair is now growing back.

I really do make a attractive bald woman.....but I love my hair.

I am back again "Smiles"

So now I am back to work and saving for a apartment of my own or share with someone other than my brother. I am looking into sharing for the sake that rent is so high here, a studio apartment goes for $1200 a month but if you share it could be $900. I am looking into pride roommates since I do want to be with someone who isn't against transgenders.
I am also looking into another new laptop, this one is 6 years old and can not keep up with my activities, the video is old as well as the technology. With my 17% off with Dell, I will get a sweet unit for little money.

So what have I done since moving to Virginia? Well other than getting a job, nothing really. I am looking into going back to therapy and getting back on my hormones, I sure miss them more than anything. There is so much I need to do but am limited to funds, saving will be helpful. No clothes or shoes for awhile, I now have medical insurance so I will see a doctor soon, I have trigger thumbs caused by too much use of the keyboard.

I sure miss my friends in Illinois, not that I seen them everyday its just well home was there and now its here.

I need to find my friends here, the ladies I know online and hang out with them. Give me something to do and I will feel more at home when I bond with them.
Thanksgiving is done and over, now for Christmas and hopefully a wonderful new year is ahead.

I wonder with a Dell do I get a ford too, naaa stick to my Toyota lol.

Position on teaching teens

I had applied for a teaching position and the vibes were fantastic, it would have been part time but it was like a dream come true job. I love teaching people who want to learn. But as faith has it this is what happened.

Thank you, first, for you patience while we met with the different candidates and mulled over the skills and qualifications to best suit the needs of the program.
We had it narrowed down to you and one other candidate as you both posses such strong qualities. We have decided to extend the position to the other candidate mostly because of his experience working with teens in that specific community and in a school district.

I want you to know that this wasn't an easy decision because of your extensive technological experience, your pleasant demeanor and excellent references. But ultimately we had to take into consideration the classroom environment for this particular program, and go from there.

I believe we told you that we are expanding and will be adding more new programs most likely within the year. Each program and each location has its own set of characteristics that affect our hiring. It is for this reason, that I would like to ask your permission to contact you again when we have a new position open up and see if it's something you would be interested in at that time. I think you have a lot to offer a program and the youth and I believe we will have a program that can work for you.

It's your call, of course.
Please know how much we appreciate your time and experience.
Thank you Shawn.

I wish you all the best.
Sincerely,

Ginny

Follow up letter:

It was so close and required a lot of back and forth discussion.
I really appreciate your energy and what you have to offer and can see a time where you will be more in line with a particular program.
Thank you for allowing me to call you as things progress.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Ginny

I have a feeling I will get work long after I lose my house.

Thankful for waking another day

Transitioning is a very hard on people, it takes its toll on your mind, body and financial mishaps but I am thankful that I have chosen to do so, why you may be asking? Well for me it is right not alignment but because I want me to be happy. Oh I could stay the male in me and make it but the woman in me wants to be free to do as she wishes and not feel like she has to hide. Hide from what, well from people who do not understand what it is like to be in my shoes, speaking of shoes, I am wearing at tan open toe wedge sandal which is the most comfortable shoe I have even worn. Transitioning into the person we believe we are is very hard but it puts me at peace with myself and that in itself is worth the time and money that I have invested. I may be broke and going to lose my possessions but I am happy with myself.

If you feel singled out from the world you really need to see this it will change how you feel, it did for me. It is amazing how people treat others when basically we are all the same yet others think we should be like them. I love who I am, it has provided me with love for everyone and it doesn't matter who or what you are. In my eyes we are created equal everyone from being obese to being black, men or women, straight or gay it really doesn't matter as long as you are a good person I will be your friend.
My hair is now on my shoulders, but I have a skin condition now on my face that is preventing me from making a vlog which I really would love to do, show off my gorgeous hair. Hopefully I will make at least one more video soon.
I have never been singled out, everyone who knows me and people who I meet except me for who I am, I have not lost one friend since my transition which I am lucky I guess and I do feel bad others have lost loved ones as well as friends.
My brothers are learning to deal with it and my sister accepted it, I am now more a sister than I was a brother and things make sense to my family why I was who I was.
I hear others make a statement about having GRS (gender reassignment surgery) that it will bring them the woman that is inside, well I am the woman inside whether I have the grs. In my heart , mind and soul I have always been the woman not saying they are wrong for thinking that way it is what I feel, oh it would be nice to get rid of the tail especially in a swim suit. My surgery will be in 4 yours I believe because of funds unless I move to Canada :-)

Am I blabbering again one subject to the next hehe.

Hopefully by my b-day I am employed and all goes well from now until I move on to the next phase in my life.
I just wanted to say hello to everyone, let you know I am still here and I often think about each and everyone of you :-)

Hey buddy I am lost, can you help me?

Today I had a job interview which wasn't good, one I didn't reach my destination because as soon as I got in the city I became lost, but the gentleman that owns the company thought it was funny and asked that we try it on Tuesday same time 11am. I am thankful for that man giving me another chance to provide him with my abilities as a network engineer.

As I was down town lost I did the one thing all my generic girl friends suggested, looked at other women and learn from them. Watch how they walk, how they talk everything to how they dress, I was there an hour and learned more than I could ever expect from being on the web. Naturally I think and act like a female but the tweaking will come as time rolls on. I have a song that pushes me forward on days I feel like giving up which I will share with you now..Suddenly I see
This song drives me forward because it sounds like she wrote it just for me. I will not be the twenty thirty year old out there I am myself and have nothing to prove to anyone but myself this is what was meant to be, why would god make two genders in one body? I will never have that answer but I solved it my way, I am where I am supposed to be.

So tomorrow I will have maps and directions to get where I am to be and not act like my male side and think I know where I am going. Because certainly I got lost as soon as I came out of the parking garage, should have carried my GPS and argued with it. :-)

Losing it all

Transition was going to make me happy but as it is my transition has been put on hold again the fourth time. Is this gods way of telling me something or am I reading into this too much?

I am one of the less fortunate people in the US that hasn't found any work, I have applied everywhere and have had people come back saying I am over qualified or my qualifications don't meet up with what they are searching for. I haven't been able to pay my mortgage since January so now I am in a battle with Citi mortgage over a foreclosure, I want to keep my house but I am not working so they want it but where do I live then if I am not working? I guess I can sleep in my pickup but it isn't like the old days where I could sleep in my car and no one would know it. The options are slim, I keep hoping and praying that someone gives me work, anything just so I pay my bills.

So that is where I am today, not so happy anymore and depression sure takes alot out of a person who is struggling with life. Someday I will be whole but not today and surely not until I am working again.

So to everyone who reads this, I will be back one day with wonderful news of how I began my life over again. Until then I may post one last time and it will be awhile before I post again but I will be back.

Love all of you and keep smiling because that is my sunshine when I have gray days like today.

My old self

How strange to feel like my old self, even wearing a bra which I haven't done in quite some time. Listening and reading blogs about others and I realized that even though I am not working I am in a better place compared to others. Depression caused me to hide from the world, why does this sickness do this?
But I have overcame that, so what I will get back to work one way or another but being depressed isn't a reason to shut the door of life on others.

Today is a rainy Wednesday, gloomy to some but not for me I love when it rains, the sound of rain drops hitting the leaves is awesome and the air is cleaner I believe than when the sun is baking it. Temperature is cooler too which makes the environment more pleasant though I really do not like cold and too much heat is bad as well. Its not like I can run around with my shirt off, like my brothers, though I probably can but that is TME ( Too Much Exposure). Having Intersex is great in a way but burdens me in other ways too.

On Friday of this week I will have my first interview in over a year, omg that is such a long time being without a job but I will not be taking anytime off when I am working and hopefully I get the job. Now I can get back to paying my bills and saving for my srs.

So here I am typing this out to let you all know I am alive and I will start back into my blogs as soon as possible.
Love you all for following me and reading my sob stories, I prefer not to whine but I will cry once in a while.

Silly side of life

This is a recap that has been happening. In secondlife, I bought an island with the ocean on 2 sides, a river separating the land and mountains in the back of the island. On this island sits a castle with 12 rooms, 8 of which are bedrooms and of course a dungeon. The living space is huge, if you aren't careful you could get lost in this place.

Shauna had her baby and she is absolutely beautiful. She has a full head of hair and is a very happy baby. Shauna had a regular delivery which a drug to maintain the pain which to me didn't kick in till the baby was delivered. I now have a 6lbs 3 oz baby girl whom has brought me even more joy than I had. With that said, changing a diaper isn't the most pleasant thing in the world its better than being a dog or cat and clean the baby afterward which I could never do to begin with.

In real life, I was doing a side contract which was fairly easy for a doctor and his wife, they paid me for the work I submitted on an invoice and then I would start another project and so on. Well the doctors wife whom isn't the brightest marble in the bag thought she could help by making my job harder by upsetting the network and having me repair what she broke and telling her husband that I messed everything up. It was getting so bad that I couldn't even talk with him since he was out of the office and the marble was whom I was answering to. Well the last invoice I submitted he called me on the phone, basically began to chew my butt out for god knows what and refused to pay me the $700.00 that he owned. Said if you want your money, contact your attorney. Now usually I would bring his network down by crashing it for goods not rendered but he can thank the estrogen that courses through my body which has dampered any meanness I had left. So now I am back to worrying about all the bills and the depression sets back in.

So there it is, a recap on Secondlife and real life. Maybe this month will not only bring showers but possibly a new job as well. Until next time, may the flowers in your garden be prettier than the doctors wife.

Did you see him??

I believe I am the first to post my male photo on a blog, what harm is it and why should I hide such a wonderful man. He has done so much for people and for me as well, he kept me from harms way and he continues to do so without my asking. Gentle and kind is the best I can describe of him, hard headed at times but he will give you the shirt off his back in the dead of winter so you won't be cold.
He has a good heart, never to say no to anyone that is in need that is why he is such a wonderful man.

Yes he is my male soul and I love him so much, and I am not embarrassed or afraid of what people will say to us if they see our photos. I am liberated to share my personal thoughts and myself who wishes to know, I have nothing to hide anymore!


Today I completed the update on the website OPALGA which I volunteered to do because I didn't know much of how to do it but it still was something I wanted to learn, and you know what I became their webmistress, I like the sound of that title. Volunteering for things that are important is something I do best. Next week Monday, I will be sharing my coming out to the LGBT youths of Oak Park, Illinois.

I was asked by the teens if I would and I said yes of course. To describe my adventure of the years gone by will be my biggest challenge besides living and I am just finding out what that really means lately.

As I look into my future I have big plans for myself, SRS and scalp reduction are two of them but the body modifications I wish to have will also bring out the beauty in me. Not saying much because with everything there is a price and I have to discuss it with Shawn and the doctor first.

Also I am seeking a career change, I want to teach since I am really good with children and teens I believe I can help make a difference in this world. If I could teach them computers that would be fantastic but if it were another subject such as history or English I would like to do that too.

So when you see the two of us on a site or you see either of us on the street, say hello, Shawn loves to talk and I love to listen. So here is to us, trying to help all that we can along the road of our journey.

Thank you for stopping by.....

The morning of Thursday

As my day began I went looking for employment, here I am a network engineer with 20 years experience and the really wonderful customer service skills and nothing, crap there goes a perfect day.
Off to electrolysis for maintenance of the baby hairs over my neck and body. Kelly is my E girl and she is wonderful, as she prepares me for my session I get relaxed for the tiny needle to find that hair and cause me to cry out. Kelly applies a hot moisten wash cloth to the areas before the procedure, this will open the pores and loosen the follicle for easy release.

Kelly then applies LIDO 4% on the area as she talks and soothes my mind, the product numbs the skin so it hurts less. I had fallen asleep again while she pulled little hairs out of my breasts area and neck. I awoke to a hairless body and feel wonderful. She is the best and I should know,
I have given her a $1000 to be sure this body stays hair free and with no pain. I adore her because she is the best electrolysis around. She will seek out the hair, feeling her way like a blind person to the next area to be cleared. I have had different treatments which I will not even get into.

I grab some lunch at subway, today is BMT day and I can not pass up a great sub as that just thinking of it makes my mouth water, the lettuce so fresh it crunches with each bite. The peperoni, ham and salami makes a fantastic lunch. I head to my truck, I have one more errand and that is to return two pair of cute boots that are an 1/2 inch to small and the height is too low. This girl is picky about shoes, though when I see something I like I get 2 pair that explains why I have so many :)
The sales girl never gives me a hard time, and she knows they are for me, since they are a size 11. Very warm personality she has and is very helpful when it comes to me and my shoes. With that out of the way I am off to have lunch, look for a job and write my book to pass the day away.

I wish I can go back to work, I miss the people and the money. :(