I had a discussion today with a client, now mind you people in general can not figure me out whether I am male or female and I have no problem with it. Some days I am male and some I do look female, I live in both genders so I guess people do get mixed feelings and ask either be the male or the female but not both. I just tell them my female side will be legal in April and I am getting used to the water so to speak :-)
So the client whom is the nicest man you would want to meet, a little hyperactive and probably rip your head off if you cross him or hurt someone he knows, but all in all a very sweet man. He and I were talking tonight about genders and sexuality, and the fact I am different than anyone he has ever met.
He knows gay people and he is fine with it, but an Intersex male/female kind of through him off a bit but he is fine with it.
He likes me and he said I quote "you are the sweetest and most honest person" and he didn't see the tear escape from my eye. When I hear that from people, I know I am doing a good job and making people happy. That is what I live for, I love laughter and happiness all around me so to hear words that describe me in that fashion, I take it to heart.
I will call him C, because client is way to long to keep writing and besides his name starts with a C. In a way I am happy he is a client and friend, I work for him but not his company if you know what I mean. He isn't a 9 to 5 kind of job.
So to get on with my story, he and I were chatting about how difficult it is to be in my shoes, C said it had to be the hardest thing to be me, actually it is rough and I go to the cemetery spend some time there and come home listen to music and find myself, as long as I can find myself I am alright.
I drove to C's business as Shawn, yes I do that, dressed as Shauna. Boy that sounds crazy but if I get pulled over, Shawn has the license and insurance, Shauna doesn't even have a permit. So I drive as Shawn there and all is fine, but today I did something I have never done before, I wear a scrunchy to pull my hair back while I drive or work on something, I applied some lipstick and my glasses because I have a hard time with signs at night. I look in the rear view mirror and smile, Shauna is looking back and she is driving as well. What a rush, you haven't a clue what I am babbling about, I look like any woman on the road driving my cute little pickup truck.
Now I should take this as a compliment, so anyhow I pull up to the light and up creeps another pickup and there is a man in it he smiles and waves, I smile back and pull up not being rude and he pulls up and is looking, now this is creepy so I move up and he does the same so ignore him, I pretend I am on the phone and pray the light changes. What is with men doing that, yes it is a compliment that he finds me attractive but please don't don't keep moving up to check a woman out that isn't interested. Ugghh!
A delivery from UPS has enlighten my day, my Christmas have arrived, I had ordered from Khols with my gift cards a pair of boots almost like UGG without the price and a very cute black shoulder purse also a pink scarf, hat and gloves which are so cute but they haven't been delivered. I have now two purses, but this one is a shoulder type and it is very useful so I try it on and I fill it up with Kleenex and makeup that I use daily oh and attached my cellphone to the strap, then of all things 4 flash drives (hey I am a computer girl what can I say). I called my sister since she is one of my gift cards, and let her know what she bought me and she was very supportive and she wanted to see them. I will show her soon, but since my father is non supportive I have to trend softly because he is a heartache to my gender issues.
No matter how much you explain to him what I am about, when it was discovered and all the medical evidence he refuses to believe that his son is now gay dressing as a woman. So I prefer to stay away from him dressed as myself and besides he is 74 years old and not well. So on Sunday I was going to show my sister my new purse and boots, but it could wait until I see her alone.
Anyway I got distracted, tired I guess, I should be in bed but I am cleaning a virus off my client's laptop and I couldn't sleep.
So yes Mr C. , you do not want to walk in my shoes no matter what pair, most people won't because of the craziness and the depression I get but I am happy either way because after all I am Shauna.
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