Goal of a beautiful year and more

As I look at myself today as I do everyday I see something that should not be and it is what I should have never happen. Five years ago I was a bodybuilder, entering contests and trying to make myself look as manly as possible till something happen to end that.
Now my diet consisted on pure protein and six small meals a day, I watched what I put in my body and I had 9% bodyfat and weighed in at 170 lean lbs. I was working on my shoulders and delts, performing dips, a rigurous exercise when I got distracted (which you never lose form)(had a 90lb plate attach to my waist) and lost holdings on the bar and tore my right rear delt serverly.
Now some people would stop right, I mean the pain was excruciating to the point I had to reflect what happen. I continued but watched my form, and tore my left front delt.
Now how bad can tearing a delt be, try putting a belt into the loops of your pants.....Not going to happen, you will have to lay the pants out on the bed to do it.
So here I was a bodybuilder trying to convince the world I was a man and destroyed everything in a blink of an eye. I lived in the gym 6 days a week till that happen, I removed myself after doctors examined what was needed to repair the damage but it would take rest. Not a day, week or month, it actually took over a year and a half. But then I didn't care anymore, I ate what I wanted and when I wanted and I started destroying the work I fought so hard for.
Depression does this, it takes hold of your being and puts you on a course of destruction.

Now what does this all have to this blog, yesterday I finally woke up and realized what I had done to my body. I enrolled in a gym but not to see the man that was in me, (not to compete with other men) but make the woman in me happier, with her weight and being happy when I put on a pair of heels damnit. I teeter on them because of the weight and in order to be as beautiful as I want to be, I will need to start that program all over again (all the fat resides ONLY in my belly).
Now why did it have to settle there, not on my butt or hips but my stomach. No more 90 lb plate around this waist (a corset of course but no weights). I am pushing for a 34c-26-38 and a size 9.When I update this blog the next time I will be lean and not teetering but strutting on heels, and wiggling my cute tush for all to see. Because I love my Shauna so vey much and we want to shine as one.