Sisterhood

Knowing what I know now after all these years of learning of what it is like to be a true female I can honestly say it is an incredible feeling to feel free from the worries of not fitting in.

I continue to read everyone's blogs because knowing what I know I can compare it with theirs and god knows we are all the same on this road to transition. Each one of us have our complaints, the whining of what isn't right or what needed to be completed years ago. What it would have been like to have been the female, to have that support that is needed from childhood years to now. Yes each one of us are the same, some achieving fast results and some just tugging along, but as women we all are the same.

To look at either photo of me, whether I am male or female, I am and always will be that sweet person on the inside. I am not going to sound conceited here I hope, as a man I was very handsome and truthfully I fit in with the male group. I would be brash and cruel which I made tons of friends along the way. Very successful in what I was doing and dated many women.
As a woman I have been told I am gorgeous, here again I fit in the social circle of womanhood not by looks it is my mannerism, and my attitude would best describe being a woman.

There is the wish I could have lived my life how it was supposed to be but then I realize that maybe it wasn't meant to be, god made me this way for a reason, what that reason is I can not tell you but I am happy the way I am. I still have my male traits sometimes and I guess evidently will diminish and she will stand proud amongst the rest of the women here that I call friends.

We are all the same, we come in different sizes and colors but all in all I am proud to say I am you and you are me. I will stand by your side, hold your hand and give you the strength to push forward because I want nothing more to see you smile, feel your achievements and become your friend because ladies I love each one of you more than you actually know. So continue bitching, whining and yelling at the world for the what ifs and push forward, I will always be here for you no matter what.

Has Society really changed...

Has it really changed or is it the fact that people are more educated than they were in the past. We still hear about young girls being murdered for no other reason other than they were different, not your "typical or natural" girl.

I am talking of the trial of Angie Zapata's killer who in my eyes should go through the exact same treatment he caused her. That girl was stunning her beauty like no other I have seen in such a long time and have some idiot that is hateful to others to whisk her life away because?? Well this is the reasons so many hide, so many decide it isn't worth dying over. I would rather be miserable not living my true self than to be my true self only to be killed.

I need to ask why some of society is still unaware of what is going on, we need to educate and asks ourselves what can we do to help with this plague of hate amongst ourselves. In my eyes we are all and I mean ALL the same, there isn't male, female, fat, thin, black or white. We are all the same, our wrappers are different but the insides are the very same. We are human, why is it animals can get along just fine. Is it a social acceptance amongst ourselves, where if you don't fit you get verbal out cries or worse beaten because you are different. Why is it this way, why do children grow up to be bashers, education should be brought into the picture to help these children to become ideal citizens and not be held behind bars because they were educated wrong.

I understand we are all different and that is good because if we were all the same life would surely be unpleasant. I have grown my hair over my shoulders and my father whom I love with all my heart ridicules me everyday over it making statements that I need a haircut. Education to him is hard because he is older and though he isn't violent the insults are just as harmful.
My wrapper changed and so in doing so people think I changed along with it, that isn't so but to them I am different.

The social background that I grew to love everyday amongst my friends has come to a mere handful, everyone that was behind me has ceased to call or inquire what I am up to. This is another reason why I hid all those years, I am a social butterfly, I love being around people and yet I sit in this house day in and day out because I am an outcast to the people I grew to love.

Well I will not curl up in a ball and hide under a rock because people do not like me for who I am, they will need to accept me for me or turn the other cheek. Our world is plagued with such nonsense such as hate and it must be stopped. We as a whole must educate people when they are younger and hopefully correct the older ones as well in order to live a quiet life with the many we are around, remember we are ALL the same just our wrappers are different.

With that said, hopefully there will be no more bad incidents like poor Angie Zapata who was born with the wrong body and people accept people for who they are not what they look like.

Recognizing a lesbian

Can anyone really explain what a lesbian looks like, really I mean is there a certain look maybe the way they dress or the way they stand. Is it a social club or just a title that the world gave us for being different.

To observe myself as a lesbian you would take a step back and ask how can that be, I look like feminine male. I am recognized as such by the LGBT, not because I am transgendered, born as female and male. I have always gotten along better with females than my male counters but kept quiet for more than three decades for safety purposes.

I was chatting with one of my friends yesterday regarding when we discovered we were lesbian, she had dated men so she was bisexual which goes either way. She became a lesbian right out of college and she is now in her forties. So I thought about it, I mean I have always been a lesbian but not recognized and out. Dating all these years the women just assume I was male and I wouldn't tell them different, not deceiving in any way. An example; If I started dating you and we were to sleep with each other, would you know it then that I was a lesbian probably not but there is some characteristics that will point out that I am not 100% male. I'm not ashamed of who I am I am proud of living in both genders, I have learned what each side is capable of doing with everything in their lives. Men whine more often than women, especially when ill.

This post is more of a question to myself, if I am not trans and fully a woman, which leaves me with my intersex condition. Where in the LGBT do I fit in and do I have the same rights as they do and am I a minority because I am female? These questions pop in my head quite often, the what ifs and the way is it this way.

It is so much easier to be a lesbian being a woman, or gay as a male. You can't see any changes other than the opposite sex doesn't hang around the house. Never knew dating was this difficult, as a male I dated a variety of women and now with my original gender I can not say why it is difficult dating because I really haven't tried dating. It isn't fear of rejection it is more of hurting her when she slowly sees me emerge at the end of the rainbow. Now that I am talking about the dating scene not so much of doing it has me thinking about it, it has been three long years since I have held someone in my arms and that is what I miss more than anything. It isn't the sex which I can care less about, the snuggling, kissing and companionship is really something I miss daily.

So as a lesbian the emotional support is greater because basically women know how each feel which some men have no idea since they use their little head to do all the thinking. This isn't a male bashing post by the way, it is me asking the whys and what if's. So do I look like a lesbian?

Silly side of life

This is a recap that has been happening. In secondlife, I bought an island with the ocean on 2 sides, a river separating the land and mountains in the back of the island. On this island sits a castle with 12 rooms, 8 of which are bedrooms and of course a dungeon. The living space is huge, if you aren't careful you could get lost in this place.

Shauna had her baby and she is absolutely beautiful. She has a full head of hair and is a very happy baby. Shauna had a regular delivery which a drug to maintain the pain which to me didn't kick in till the baby was delivered. I now have a 6lbs 3 oz baby girl whom has brought me even more joy than I had. With that said, changing a diaper isn't the most pleasant thing in the world its better than being a dog or cat and clean the baby afterward which I could never do to begin with.

In real life, I was doing a side contract which was fairly easy for a doctor and his wife, they paid me for the work I submitted on an invoice and then I would start another project and so on. Well the doctors wife whom isn't the brightest marble in the bag thought she could help by making my job harder by upsetting the network and having me repair what she broke and telling her husband that I messed everything up. It was getting so bad that I couldn't even talk with him since he was out of the office and the marble was whom I was answering to. Well the last invoice I submitted he called me on the phone, basically began to chew my butt out for god knows what and refused to pay me the $700.00 that he owned. Said if you want your money, contact your attorney. Now usually I would bring his network down by crashing it for goods not rendered but he can thank the estrogen that courses through my body which has dampered any meanness I had left. So now I am back to worrying about all the bills and the depression sets back in.

So there it is, a recap on Secondlife and real life. Maybe this month will not only bring showers but possibly a new job as well. Until next time, may the flowers in your garden be prettier than the doctors wife.