If you don't know my Gender: Just ask

After 55 years of my life a scientist has just figured out what I and most transsexuals
already knew at the age of four or five and that's what Gender we are. "“To discover
who or what a child is ... you have to ask them,” Dr. William Reiner of the Oklahoma
University Health Science Center told a meeting of the American Association for the
Advancement of Science. Although his study was done on intersexed Children whose
lives he followed into adulthood his thinking can most defintley be applied to
Transsexuals as well. “There is no one biological parameter that clearly defines sex,”
added Dr. Eric Vilain of the University of California, Los Angeles, whose research
suggests gender is genetically hard-wired into the brain before birth — regardless of
which genitalia develop.
After years of assigning Gender to intersexed children based on their chromosomes and
what would be best for the child, they now admit that was mistake. So imagine the
horror of little Johnny or Mary who are forced to live in a Gender forced upon them by
someone else. Imagine the terror as they are injected with the hormones from
the wrong gender giving them secondary sexual characteristics and body changes that
are foreign to them. So why didn't anyone ever listen to the screams of these children
before. What about the Transsexuals who were stopped from being the gender they
knew they were?

That's right folks. The kids really did know what gender they were at the tender age of
four. Transsexuals and the intersexed have been saying this since they remember. Did
anyone listen to us before? NO!!! Isn't it amazing that our brains develop long before
our genitals do in the womb.
Bringing up a child in the wrong gender is nothing short of torture for the kids involved.
Wearing the wrong clothes, playing with the wrong toys and the whole time just plain
not fitting in. At 13 you start turning into a monster if you're a Male to Female (MTF)
Transsexual. Your beautiful voice changes, body hair starts growing, muscles start
forming and you turn into a hairy monster. For a trans person this is one nightmare
from which you never wake up. You start wondering if Vincent Price and Bella Lagosi
the kings of the horror flicks are invading your dreams.
"Remember" says my Dad who stands me up from my sitting position to pee standing
up "this is for your own good".
I declared my name to be Marsha at age 4. I changed it to Laura at the age of seven.
My best friends name was Marsha. We played house all the time and I was the Mommy.
My father kept tossing bags of toy soldiers at me, along with a football and a set of six
guns all the time shouting he would make a man out of me. My lifes been hell ever since.
I told them I was a girl and no one listened.
Its time for everybody to "wake up and smell the coffee". I don't dress up as a woman
as a choice. I am a woman dammit. Ok, so the study I'm talking about is for intersexed
children. Certainly anyone with half a brain can see the similarities here.
Speaking of studies, where are the studies about transsexual children? There aren't any?
Why not? Because a conservative, religiously influenced government is not going to
approve any grant with that dirty word "SEX" in it. That's why. So transSEXuals have to
wait 4 more years for even a chance at getting more humane and compassionate human
beings in government Offices. Meanwhile, the torture legally continues for about a million
or so Transsexuals. So who do I scream at?

Hi my name is Jamie, (aka: emerald)
I was surgically assigned male gender shortly after birth, they chose wrong.
I was born in the early sixties, into a farm family. My father is ¾ Native American and ¼ Dutch. My mother is Swedish, I guess that the only person that that would make any difference to is me, but it’s a starting point. I have two brothers and two sisters; I’m in the middle. Almost from the start I knew that I was different from my brothers and sisters, just by the way that my father treated me. It was like my older brother could do no wrong, and I couldn’t do anything right. My mother just ignored me for the most part, which wasn’t so bad.
As I started to get older (five or six) I felt more drawn to females for friends. My parents didn’t feel that it was right, soon after the physical abuse started. Dad said one time that if he couldn’t teach me how to be a man, he would beat it into me. Around the age of eight or so I started to chose more feminine style clothing, I got that past dad for a short while. It didn’t take him long to catch on though, when he did all sorts of nasty things started happening. He had all my hair cut off and made sure that anything that even resembled a female style of clothing was burned.
When I was around twelve I discovered boys. I didn’t know what I was feeling, or why, but it felt natural to me that I should be attracted to them.
Around the age of fourteen all sorts of things started to happen. I started to develop hips, and my breasts started to grow. That was more than dad could handle, he and mom had me to the doctor so fast it wasn’t funny. That’s when the hormones started, testosterone, they told me that it was a special vitamin. It’s bad when your body is trying to do one thing and someone introduces something to stop it, it hurts. That was a rough time for me, the hip thing stopped so did the breasts, and the body hair started, they kept me on that till I was seventeen and left home.
I didn’t have much to do with any of them for a lot of years. We as a family have come to some sort of understanding about twelve years or so ago. We can at least talk and be somewhat nice to one another.
A short while ago, with me in my mid forties, I finally asked my mom about a scar that I have. I always wanted to know, but couldn’t ask because of embarrassment. See I have this scar that runs from my anus to the end of my boy thingy. She didn’t want to answer at first, so I pushed a little. When she finally was able to talk to me about it she told me that I was born both male and female, so many things made sense. She thought that if I ever knew the truth I would hate them. I can’t do that, life is to short, and I’ve wasted enough time on the past already.
I told her that I was only upset about a few things, one is that I wasn’t allowed to chose. The hormones and them not telling me about this back then.
Now I have a lot of things that I need to rethink a lot of things to rearrange in my personal perspective on life.
I’ve had a good life, I’ve seen almost everything that I care to see, and done most too. But now for me, it’s like life is starting over again. With so much to discover and rediscover.


Katherine was born XXY was operated on and converted to male and brought up that way. No one asked Katherine. She is Intersexxed. This was back in the days of Nature vs nurture when upbringing was thought to fix everything. As it turns out, the doctors were wrong. She now lives as a female. Until recently her tragedy was repeated on thousands of intersexxed babies. They have finally discovered that Nature wins the battle. Yet what about the mistakes they made? In her own words Katherine recounts her Tragic story.

I grew up a happy boy at least until ten or so. But things were never exactly normal. Though I had no idea they were out of the ordinary for boy's behavior. As I grew I began to notice things, one my father was increasingly frustrated with me. I knew I was somehow not meeting his expectations of what I should be. Second when I went to play with the other children in the family I was nervously watched by their mothers. It did not matter if it were boys or girls I was watched. When I was with my girl cousins it was if I might hurt them and when I played with the boys it was if I would get hurt or something else. If the play got to the point where I was being held by the boys I would always be called into the house to do some stupid thing and while I was never called in when I was with the girls I knew I was being watched. Trouble is I liked playing with the girls I love my cousins doll house and asked repeatedly for one like it every Christmas. My life was a series of mixed signals about my gender. Yes I was a boy; I knew that because I had that thing I peed with dangling between my legs. But everything else said I was a girl I had wide hips and soft skin and try as I may could not develop any muscle tone. I had complained about the scratchy cotton of boy's underwear and I had the rashes to prove it and mother changed me over night as it were to girls nylon panties and tops on the grounds that they would be better on my delicate skin. The problem with my tops was they had no sleeves and some tops my aunt gave me looked more like slips, never the less they were basic white and as unadorned as a post but they made me feel better. They had one drawback I had to pee sitting down. At home it was not a problem at school it was.As I got older things began to get worse, I was not developing as I should still skinny and my penis was still tiny like that of a child's. This part I kept entirely to my self out of fear. Yet it was a time when I should be noticing girls but I felt nothing for either sex. So it was a complete surprise when Johnny one of my cousins kissed me on the mouth. Up till that time he had been holding my hand something I did not even think was odd, then the kiss. I was shocked the first instant and I stiffened but then something inside of me said this is the way it should be dummy and I relaxed and let him continue. Another half second Aunt Helen his mother rushed out and literally tore us apart. She marched me into the parlor and closed the door. I heard her shouting at my mother she called me an abomination and devil spawn and mother's punishment I was born that way my aunt screamed and ill always be an abomination. The door flew open and mother with tears streaming down took me home in a cab. I was never asked to come back to Aunt Helen's because somehow I did something wrong. And also I was not allowed to come to aunt charlottes anymore and play with her kids. I kept asking why and my mother always put me off. Finally to get me away from all the rising hate and prejudice of the family mother decided to have me visit my aunt Pat's and her girls for the summer. My aunt Pat thought the kissing insident was hysterical. Then she said something ill always remember like it happened yesterday. Aunt Pat stopped laughing turned to me and asked "did you like it". I turned a bright red and froze yes I had liked it. The kiss appealed to me something terribly naughty and yet terribly exciting even thinking about it my nipples got hard as a rock. Aunt Pat smiled a wolfish grin and got out a document and handed it to me it was a copy of my birth certificate. But this one was different; the one in my home had been dated 18 months after I was born. This copy was dated a few days after my birth. It said my name was Katherine and I was a girl. I sat staring at the document. Was this a joke? I was a boy, wasn't I? Aunt Pat explained to me that I was born with both gender parts and even though I had more female parts than male I did have a viable testis and well being a male was better than a female's life. I could not believe what she was telling me they actually ripped out all my female parts which were also functioning in favor of this one testis.At first I was shocked and thought this never really happens to real people. There has to be another explanation. Then as the facts sank in it explained so much of my life, there were the mysterious scars down there my mother told me happened when I was born and then all the things in my life began to make sense. But why did they have to do that to me WHY ME! At 15 my whole world was devastated. The most basic question and the first question any one asks of a new born is not is it healthy or how big is it but is it a girl or boy once that is settled everything else is secondary in this world. I burst into tears. I had been so unhappy trying to be a boy so ashamed that my body was developing wide hips and then the nipples were now so sensitive and dark the latest was the mounds of flesh I could not bring myself to call them boobs. When my father saw them he hit the ceiling and then to punctuate his disappointment he hit me. Then he made me lift weights but I could not lift more than the smallest weight no matter how long I spent on them my mounds got bigger and my muscles seem to get smaller finally I stopped lifting weights convinced the weights were making it worse.When ever I had a beating I would go to my aunt's in tears. One day, after a bad beating, I arrived on her door step black and blue and in a half dressed tattered condition Aunt Pat said after you clean your self up why don't you wear one of Diane's dresses for now and see how it feels you would look very nice in it. It was not the first time I put on a dress but this time aunt Pat asked me to wear one. From then on I wore a dress when I came to Aunt Pat's and played with her daughters in girls clothes but this was not what my father wanted. I was soon taken to our doctor and more tests were run. They found out my male hormone level was just below average. They decided I should start taking testosterone and some steroids. They did not tell me of course what they planed to do but I was old enough to get the just of what was going to happen to me. So when the doctor came into the room with a tray and a shot on it I grabbed pair of scissors and told him if he stuck that needle in me I was surly going to stick the scissors into his neck. He was taken back as rage about my life and what they did to me over flowed in me. I reminded the doctor just who was his patient and he changed his mind about the shot. But father was not happy he took me home and beat me so bad I had to be taken to the hospital. We went to several doctors looking for some one to say they had a plan to make me a strapping boy like my brother. Finally he found someone to test weather I was actually a boy or girl but much to his anger my DNA proved I was XXY, dad acted like I had betrayed him and I was in a woman's plot to embarrass him he glared at mom and my self. But as the doctor said even if they had given me the testosterone it might not have worked as well as they liked for you have to have the needed receptors to make use of it and apparently I did not. The doctor suggested estrogen hormones instead. True my body would become female but the process would be much easer than it would be male. Father was not buying any of this and took me home and beat me again. If I thought my life was low I was wrong for the catholic school where I went had for 20 years a dirty little secret, the coach was a child molester and I was perfect for him. After school I would have to come to him and let him do things to me or he would let the guys tease me and hit me with wet towels in the shower. If I did what he wanted I could shower in the girls shower room alone away from the guys stinging wet towels and they would not tease me in school. My parents pretended nothing was wrong even after I took my mothers whole bottle of codeine and was rushed to the hospital, they pretended it was all a mistake. But I think mom was beginning to understand for she had me dress in a beautiful party dress for my 16th birthday. She gave me one big order and that was never get or be undressed in front of a male ever again not even my father. It was the same order I learned that grandma gave her when she was growing up and I began to understand why. My body was getting soft and my hips were getting wide, this was not the way males were supposed to grow up but then just what was I anyway. How could I tell her of the coach at school I was beginning to think I really was an abomination and a curse to my mom. I wanted to die I didn't want to have this pain or hurt anyone else again. I daily thought of ways I could end it all. However even in the darkest night the morning will break and the clouds were beginning to part when they caught the coach and put him in jail and children's hospital called they were starting a new program which dwelt with the intersexed. They had kept records and I was one of the children they had done so long ago and was not functioning in my assigned sex. Actually of none the babies they chouse to "normalize" had not worked out and they were quite disturbed by that fact. They interviewed my mother and my father and my aunts and me finally they let me in the program. From there it was a rapid course to hormones and living as a female in a group home then the operation and finally saying goodbye to all those girls I had grown so close to. I began to live as a female, one who had terrible birth defects but now I was on the right track.I was unprepared for collage as a female, and I had a hard time mostly do to the dating game. Still my orientation of sexual mate was changing though I was never attracted to women I was now beginning to like men in my life. Never at first sexually, of course just the need to be flattered and wanted by them and my liking to caterer to them. With a little help and my collage credits I became a registered nurse. I still have my rage against the doctor who thought he knew better than god what I should be. This practice should be stopped it is an outrage and yet they let it go on. The pain it caused me cannot be measured. If I had been born with a withered arm it would have been tragic but it would have been accepted. Yet when someone is born with gender problems they are treated as freaks and worse, I never understood this and never will.
Katherine B