Living as I am, not the gender

I don't think I ever considered my gender to be a problem, I was neither boy nor girl so if asked, I was just me. To put a title on a person who is born with both genitals is like asking if a car that is two tone is black or white.

Lately I have been reading a lot of new blogs concerning children with issues just like us, a little girl age of three stating she is a boy or a boy similar age saying he is a girl. It is truly amazing over the last decade how more and more trans people are coming out not like while I was growing up with no knowledge or groups whom I could socialize with to learn how to cope with my issue.

I wish sometimes I was trans, I believe it would be easier in many ways and this constant reminder each month reminds me I am truly different than anyone I have ever met. A male friend of mine and I were talking which I said I needed to put on my estrogen patch so not to cause any indifference in my body chemistry and he couldn't understand that if I don't maintain the estrogen that I could get awful ill again. So I simply explained it to him, which he finally grasped what I was telling him. My body isn't producing it as much as it used to so I have patches and booster shots maintaining the constant estrogen my female side needs. The problem I am having with the patches is I am allergic to the adhesive which causes a rash. So I cut the glue off and attach a bandage instead which stopped the rashes. The things I do to be just normal everyday is amazing.

These days I have to question myself when applying for work, the last thing the employer asks is whether I am a male or female or (not answer at all), which I often do because I can not answer honestly with their question. I don't think I am wrong or being difficult it is just the wording that is bad. There should be something there besides male and female but that will have to wait when society accepts that there are different genders other than the two common ones. Its not sex its gender, 89% female and 11% male how would you answer such a stupid question?

I want to say good luck with your operation Véronique, (my sis) I do love and care about you more than you know. Whether you had the surgery or not, you have always been a woman to me.

So whats new, the holidays were wonderful though I was totally broke but that didn't effect anyone's joy. My coming out 2 years ago stopped my father from calling me sis, never hear it anymore and you know what, I am glad too. He has on occasion made statements like she is here, or there she is (me) which makes me smile. Whether he is doing it as a joke or not, it makes me happy that he actually acknowledges it.

Time for me to go look for more work, wish someone would hire me even just contracting so I have a reason to get out of bed.

If this is like retirement, I never want to retire.