So I was talking to my little sister and brothers regarding my GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery), and the time frame and why not now.
I guess you can say that I received the short straw when I was born but I can not get angry at anyone in particular, it just happen and that is where medicine and science will work together and make my girl parts work correctly and the appearance will be right. I really do not want the hysterectomy since the hormones I am receiving is from there so it wouldn't be right to take it out.
So why is my time frame four and half years? I would scheduled it now if I could afford it, but this can not be financed like a home or car, even though it is as important as such but if I fail to pay on it do they repossess my vagina?
I have one letter already from my therapist though I have to have another which wouldn't be an issue. For all of you who do not understand the procedures to the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association.
I try to justify that I am the same as all my girl friends out here, but let's face it I am a bit different and that is alright, either way you look at it I earned my right to be the whole woman. I have no problems having what I have but it sure doesn't look pretty when I am in a bathing suit or while I shower, a constant reminder. Also make my GYN visits easier too? Kind of awkward seeing me in them stirrups, though I have done it for so many years, it is second nature to me.
I was diagnosed my third visit with my therapist with GID (Gender Identity Disorder), she seen it that so many people just assumed I was normal, there was a woman looking her in the eyes and she smiled and said " Hello Shauna, it is alright it is safe here", I sat down and began shaking uncontrollably while I cried because someone could see through my mask, how could anyone do that I lived like this for forty some years? I was great at hiding, my mother taught me well but she seen Shauna in my eyes.
Maybe my guard was down, living two lives will take a toll on you believe me I had slipped quite a few times but always made a joke out of it and it was assumed that it was on purpose. Protecting your identity is a life achievement I was very good at, I was in every account a man till I was home behind the doors and walls of safety.
Oh, I have heard from women how I am a handsome man, that may be so but have you seen the woman in me, she is absolutely gorgeous and the warmest personality you have ever met. I live two lives, one behind the other we actually blend into each other, Shawn is the strength and Shauna is the personality together we are a team, without the other I probably would have cracked a long time ago.
My plans for surgery are as follows, scalp surgery I have my father's hairline, better than having that nasty hair that covers his whole body yuk. I thought maybe my nose wasn't pretty enough but was told by many that all my features are all feminine, I don't even have an Adams apple or the brow bone men have. So scalp and GRS are the only surgeries I have planned, then I will be a woman on the outside as well.
As my sister and I were chatting I said "I need to learn to carry a purse" because if I don't my new VaJJ will become a pocket, we both had a laugh after that.
Life is good :)
Now below is the operation, the actual footage so it may be somewhat gross
Three recent books about Magnus Hirschfeld
5 weeks ago
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I don't think I can joke around with my big sister like that quite yet! lOL
Glad to hear things are moving along. Now GET that purse!
Shauna, I find you so amazing! Your strength overwhelms me; as does your ability to not be bitter. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have lived the "double life" as you have (just as so many others have that I care so much for) and I say kudos to you for handling it as well as you have. Hang in there girlie, I am sure that you have lots of friends on here that can help you get through all of this. And I ditto Lori's comment, go buy that purse! LOL (I vote for Coach! They have some BEAUTIFUL stuff out there!)
yeah, Coach bags are great, but my niece turned me on to Dooney and Burke, and they're just fantastic! Now to start saving for a D & B bag!
Actually because you have been confirmed as IS medically, insurance should pay for the new Vag. Plus you don't need all the stupid letters that follow the SOC path. Vaginoplasty and Labiaplasty are covered for females. You are female, and the fact you've got medical proof should make it easier.
I guess my point is, turn all the stones over, investigate every option. Read everything and ask the hard questions. Be your own advocate, stand up for you and build a better life.
You can do it!
Lori I bought a nice shoulder bag, I really wanted the pocket :)
Thank you Reagan, I can not be bitter for something natural to happen to me I am thankful to be alive where I can help others. The double life came with two personalities as well.
Samantha, you may be right and I will look into it. But first I need a job to get the insurance, thank god I have the VA for my medical needs.
I'm not going to lie, I love Coach Leather (when I can afford it) and go window shopping in outlet places just so I can stick my head into the Coach store and take a deep breath.
As to surgery and your situation, you mentioned the VA, it's very possible they will cover it too. Again, you're not Trans, you're female IS. Big difference there. Huge.
Otherwise I think you're doing a great job. You've also inspired me to push to find out what's inside, I actually spoke to my Doctor and she's assured me she'll get my insurance to cover the ultrasound and karotype testing, so that my on condition is specifically documented. All my doctors agree I'm IS, but we'd never really pushed it because it didn't matter so much because I'm healthy. Your experiences have however given me something to think about. Well that and my sister has been crawling up my bum for years about it. Her argument?
"You don't want to find out the hard way, do you?"
Since you did, well now I'm giving it more thought. Thanks.
Hi- I just happened across this blog link from the Yahoo "TGNews" group, and I'm glad to see Samantha bringing up the IS issue as it pertains to medical treatment...
what caught my attention and is weird/amusing/infuriating about the experience you write of is that the clinical diagnostic criteria for GID *very specifically state* that it can ONLY be a valid diagnosis in the absence of an IS condition...in other words, if you are biologically intersexed, you can't have GID as it is defined in the DSM.
Of course the reality of the situation is that there is for all practical purposes no protocol or standard for dealing with IS birth assignments that are rejected by the assignee, so if you want a fast track without fear of being stuck in some kind of diagnostic limbo, you pretty much have to accept the GID/TS diagnosis and keep your mouth shut.
I'm in a similar situation; all signs point to being IS and have since I was little, but I simply don't have the resources to chase down a diagnosis...and my gender therapist actually warned me that I should tread very carefully in seeking out an official IS diagnosis for the reasons outlined above- rather than making a person's situation any more "legitimate" or causing doctors to be more willing to treat the patient, it can just as easily be used against them to deny traditional transition-related care...because technically speaking, an IS person with gender identity issues can't be a transsexual, and doctors who would rather not deal with any of this have been known to refuse IS people treatment based on that loophole. Some have even gone as far as to ignore the wishes and needs of the patient and insist that the only prudent course of treatment is to reinforce the birth assignment with HRT- obviously as an adult you can refuse, but having that in your medical record can really throw a monkey wrench in things.
You have to remember that rejecting birth assignment can pretty much be seen as an accusation that doctors made a huge life altering mistake, and getting other doctors on board with that kind of thing can be extremely difficult.
Anyway, food for thought, and I wish you well.
Tina, thank you for the input. My birth didn't show as anything unusual I was by all accounts known as a boy, but by 11 years old something changed that freaked everyone out and it was discovered that I was female.
So to say the doctor made a mistake would be wrong, he didn't know nor did my folks. I have the best doctor in the world who really cares for me, she is my GYN and regular doctor, male doctors do not have what it takes to understand what I am going through believe me I have had plenty.
I have been through puberty 3 times in my life, each time gets better with changes. I may be Intersex but I am also changing my outer shell for me and for the better but either way I am still the same sweet person everyone knows.
I am transitioning the way I feel best, and traditionally too, just like all my sisters because I want to be like all of them. Does that make any sense?
By all accounts I asked my therapist to treat me like she does with all her clients, whether I am Intersex or transgender, after all we are all the same aren't we?
Thanks for posting the video. It was really interesting and insightful to see. I always wondered what it would be like - especially the before and after look.
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