Old fashion Christmas and the loss of my guy

Childhood was a very special time and Christmas is every child's holiday. We would help put out the Christmas lights and decorate the tree, oh the fresh smell of pine and the lights with tinsel that was strewn all over the branches, mother would pop popcorn so we could thread it and string it on the tree. Dad would always get the biggest tree for our home, and it would shine in our picture window like a beacon in the night.

My brothers and I would snoop all around the house trying to find the presents which we would never find, Santa Clause hid them well from these prying eyes.
I can remember all the Christmas's growing up, vivid in my memory like it were yesterday, good and bad ones, back then we were just growing as a family and my father was working two jobs plus starting a business. My mother who also worked two jobs as well would care for a handful of boys.

But Christmas was always the waking around 6 am trying to get mom and dad out of bed for the presents Santa had left us, omg waiting patiently was always the issue. The excitement in our eyes seeing what was under the tree, bikes and toys and the love of my family. Mom would make us have breakfast first, I believe it was the coffee they needed first. Then we would scramble towards the tree,pulling on each other to get there first, oh the laughter and tears of tearing wrapping paper off that surrounded a box can excite any child, whether there was anything in it or not.

My memories play back to the times when all you thought about was whether we had been good enough to get presents, the trucks for my brothers and I hoping secretly I would one time get a doll of my own. I did get a doll when I was 46, my brother gave me a beautiful barbie and I have her in the original package which I cherish dearly. But I never received the doll while I shared all those wonderful holidays with my family.
What would it had been like to get dolls and a few dresses, I need to stop there or the tears will well up and this is about Christmas.

Christmas is about unwrapping the wondrous friendships I have obtained throughout the years, sharing love and kindness where I am able to do so. It isn't about anything more than that. I want to wish each and everyone a very Merry Christmas, this holiday brings joy to all because we have one another, corny as this sounds I want to thank each and everyone for being there for me during this trying time in my life.

The papers will be signed soon where Shawn will no longer exist on paper. I am somewhat sad because I never thought it would ever happen. Being a man has taught me so much that an average woman would never learn, I know how to bait a hook whether it is a worm or leech. I am not intimidated while driving and act on impulse, defensive driving. Taught at a early age, I love tearing apart something mechanical to see how it worked and reassembling it and making it work better.

Also with that my mother taught me to sew and showed me you can take a pattern to make an outfit. Cooking became a pleasure and cleaning second nature. I still think she was teaching me to become a good woman for a man if I so went that direction. Sorry mom :)

Yes I have an advantage and I think being Intersex has helped me become who I am as a person. I have it worse than others I believe but when others need me I push my problems aside to help them. So whether I was male on the outside my insides and brain were female, and I believe that would give me an advantage over my brothers which it has. Now as the year is almost to the end, I look upon my friends and family because each one of you touched me in a special way.

I would never trade my friends for anything.

The good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are you put the past behind you, but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when he/she is sad, helps you become a better person. Thank you all for being a friend.

No matter where we go or who we become, never forget those who helped us get there. I shall never forget my friends and I will miss Shawn...Happy Holidays everyone!

Love Always Shauna