Starting Over Again

As some of you know I have been fighting to get back to work, it has been 16 months since I had a paying job. Without work the bills are extremely hard to pay for and on top of it all, my mortgage fell into a foreclosure which they sold the house, I couldn't even fight for it for I had no monies to back me up.

I received a noticed yesterday from FedEx from some lawyers that are representing the real estate company, they want to assist me on finding a new place to live. I think they want to TRY to sell my house but the market is dead now no one is selling in this neighborhood.

I will miss this place, I had invested about $60,000 into it and the memories here have been good. I will try and find something later that in one level and setup nicer than my small kitchen, the counter here is only 2 feet long of working space which when I do cook I am preparing and washing dishes at the same time to make space.

So I am now looking for an apartment or room with someone to spare the cost of rent, this way I could save for the things I have been wanting like surgeries and maybe a mobile home which is all I really need. I will miss the house but this place is too big for me, the size is perfect for a family not a single person and it is so lonely here.

Another thing which may sound weird is I am glad to finally be moving away from my dad and his wife, I have supported them in every new technology item on the market. Stepmom had dialup when I moved in so I gave her DSL for 8 years free of charge but when I lost my income she finally decided to help. Also gave my father Directv and again when the payments weren't getting paid they threaten to cut it off, so my dad got his own service and shunned me from his service. It gets better, every time her PC, Directv and VCR needs service they call me. No more, I get tired of being used.


Once I came out of the closet all family activities weren't mentioned around me, I had to inquire what was going on and if I was invited. So this is a blessing, my dad will be 76 this Sunday and he will have no one to pick on or help him with the things others have to do for him. My brothers live in different places in the US and the youngest lives about 40 miles away and never comes over.

Nice family huh? Who needs that kind of support?

I will get through this and brush myself off which I have done two other times in my life. Starting over is rough, but it can be done. This time I have a list of goals to complete in order to be satisfied in my life. One major goal is my womanhood to be fulfilled and I will start saving as soon as possible. The other is school and getting another place of my own.

I think I will start dating again once I start working, I miss the special attention I once had with someone so its time, it has been 4 years since I dated anyone. I miss everything about having someone, the love, the disagreements and making up. tired of listening to a TV set on to pretend someone is here, want to hear her voice again.

This is my situation, you all have been reading about and my journey never ended just stalled for a bit.

Soon I will be living in a new place and my life will have a new light in it, I will be working hard for it too. Love you all so much, if you want to talk email me I will always be there for you.

To the special people

You never know how special someone is until they leave, I have many many friends all of which I often check on to see how they are doing just to be sure they are happy. Riftgrl was a great friend, she inspired more than I had expected. Met Lori through Riftgrl and was going to do an interview but we never connected so we just read and commented on each others blogs. I miss her today, Riftgrl (Leah) was truly a great friend. Now Lori is leaving and again I am faced with the tears of watching her leave. There is nothing I can do but just give my love, smile and wave good bye.

Someday I will hook up with each of the people that have left my circle just to see how they made it out there. It was a pleasure to watch them progress into the women and men they have become.

I try to support everyone I really do and it gives me such a wonderful warmth in doing so. My friends say I have a huge heart and at times I can agree but when I see friends leave I often ask myself what could I have done to keep them here. Which I know in my heart isn't possible.

So as Lori packs up and walks out of the picture, I can give her a virtual hug and wish her the very best. I could say our circle is getting smaller but that isn't true, with each new morning a new transgender pops into the picture.

With my hand out waiting, ready to show them the way and offer my support.