Random thoughts clothes, transitioning and friends

The thought of who I am inside with whom I will be in the future is so overwhelming. Speaking with a girl friend she and I exchanged what the likes and dislikes of being a woman is about which I can somewhat relate since I have seen my ex's perform them regularly. I can see that it would be bother some with the makeup on days that you would not wish to apply it or wear pantyhose compared to tights. Hair days, when the weather is not at its best because lets face it ladies who wants flat hair.
It will be different, being in a skirt or pants suit for work, I wear a dress shirt no tie and dress slacks now. I am a Network Engineer / Administrator who also does required PC help. So I know what it takes to crawl around on the floor but that may change while in a skirt :)

The work place which I enjoy doing will be my biggest challenge since I came out in April 2008, now my work will be informed after I am there for a bit. I can not imagine anything more pleasant than being the woman I am seeking to finish, what god didn't complete.

Often while sitting with thought, it brings me to why I am this way? I know people I know of wonder, often too afraid to ask why now? Why are you doing this Shawn, you have such a wonderful life, why now!

Why now, why now mmm? It has sat in my mind dwelling like a rotten apple slowly turning and stinking my insides. Thoughts of why this had happen to me can turn someone extremely suicidal but that wasn't my course I tried and failed at that, remember?
If I could change life from the time I was born to now would I? Probably not, why you may be asking, well I have lived a wonderful life experiencing every culture and place along the way which I know for a fact I would have never done on my own as a woman because some places I went to wasn't suited for women especially alone. It may have been wonderful to have gone through the puberty cycle properly as a young lady but again I have lived where some haven't even touched let alone thought of.
So no I did it correctly and I will fulfill my destiny as god sees fit.

I have many and I mean many friends, lately more women than men but still all and all many friends.
My male friends which I do love so much because they are like brothers.

Something changed in our relationship, something so small they didn't notice yet I did. The male bonding is gone, long gone but something replaced it.

I will name them with their first initials R, G, Jy, T, D and J. Each of these men changed their way of thinking when I came out as Shauna. Now what changed? For starters I am no longer Shawn the male whether I am dressed male or not, inside I am female to them which is a good thing so I will not be offended. But what makes it so wonderful is the protection they provide and sometimes the jealousy which pisses me off because they shouldn't be that way towards each other.

Men are men and that is all there is to say about that, I use the term pigs but these men are my friends and deserve to be treated as such till otherwise. So what I was saying the jealousy between them I hear it when they talk to one another, like R and G, G is over protective of me like I am his secret gf which believe me unless he becomes a she that will never happen.

I think R misses his friend which I haven't left quite yet, but we are best friends and we will continue to be as long as he wishes.

T is waiting for the day I have a v instead of a p. I hope all this makes sense lol.

Jy is a complete gentleman when he is in my presence, he swooned me the first time I was dressed as Shauna in front of him.

D is married as well, he treats me as Shauna but he too misses my male side. I haven't left so there should be no need to be upset. D is a good guy and always been to me.

J is married too and treats me as his sister, he watches over me which gives me goose bumps while in his presence. I believe they are happy with me as Shauna. That is why I love my guys, but would never be with a man because I like, love and need a woman to fulfill my life. It is just knowing I have these guys always in my life now even though I was always the guy to be around, now I am the woman in their lives and that makes it that much more wonderful.

Thank you boys :)